The experience of motherhood in adolescence and adulthood is different. We look at ourselves differently, at our duties and at the help that our loved ones give us. The older we are, the more clearly we understand what we need and what we are not ready to endure.
I am a mother of two children with a big, or rather, huge age difference. The eldest was born in student youth, the youngest appeared at the age of 38. This event allowed me to take a fresh look at issues related to motherhood. For example, on the relationship between successful parenthood and the presence of quality and timely assistance.
Allow me to be mean, this topic is really problematic. Assistants, if they are, instead of being with the family or the woman in the way she needs, actively offer their own. With the best of intentions, based on their own ideas about the needs of young parents.
They are pushed out of the house to “walk”, while my mother dreams of sitting comfortably over tea. Without asking, they begin to mop the floors, and for their next visit, the family is frenzied cleaning. They snatch the baby out of their hands and shake it so that it cries all night.
After sitting with the child for an hour, they moan for another hour, how hard it was. Help turns into an unrequited debt. Instead of a baby, you have to feed someone else’s pride and imitate gratitude. It is an abyss instead of a support.
The well-being of newborn parents directly depends on the number of adequate adults nearby.
If you conduct archaeological excavations of emotions, you can find a lot of ideas pushing a “newborn” mother into this abyss: “have given birth — be patient”, “everyone coped, and you will manage somehow”, “your child is needed only by you”, “and what you wanted?» and others. Such a set of ideas exacerbates isolation and makes you rejoice at any help, without stuttering that it is somehow not like that.
I will share the main knowledge gained in mature motherhood: it is impossible to raise a child alone without losing health. Especially a baby (although it can be so difficult with teenagers that sympathizers nearby are critically important).
The well-being of newborn parents directly depends on the number of adequate adults nearby. Adequate, that is, those who respect their boundaries, respect desires and hear needs. They are aware that they are dealing with people in a special state of consciousness: with heightened anxiety, deafness due to torn sleep, hypersensitivity tuned to the baby, accumulated fatigue.
They understand that their help is a voluntary contribution to the mental health and bodily well-being of mother and baby, and not a sacrifice, loan or heroism. They are nearby because it corresponds to their values, because they are pleased to see the fruits of their labors, because it makes them feel warm in their souls.
I now have such adults nearby, and my gratitude knows no bounds. I compare and understand how my mature parenthood is healthier.