What is meant by the management of emotions

​​​​​​​People often complain that they do not know how (or not enough know how) to manage emotions. What are they about? What do they mean? As a rule, they say that they are not always able to cope with the emotions and states that have washed over them.

Angry — and broke. I was offended — and I can’t move away from it, I can’t forgive.

Most often, «management of emotions» is understood in a very simplified way, only as self-control in difficult situations, in fact — as control of one’s own emotions, the ability to restrain them, not to show, not to express. In fact, emotion management is a much broader field. Emotion management is not only the cessation of unwanted emotions and states that have arisen, but also the prevention, launch, change in the way it flows and the cessation of arbitrary emotional experiences.

Management of emotions, control of emotions, suppression of emotions are all different things. Management is carried out in relation to obedient (voluntary) emotions, control — in relation to naughty (involuntary) emotions of medium strength, suppression — in relation to strong naughty emotions. No need to suppress your emotions for someone who knows how to control them well. You don’t have to control your emotions to the one who controls them.

You held back your anger — that’s worthy of respect↑. But why did you allow anger to arise in your soul?

You were offended in your soul, but you didn’t accumulate resentment: you said it, and the offense was gone. Speaking out one’s own feelings is the ability to convey one’s feelings to a partner or a group of people without resorting to accusations and reproaches. Speaking out one’s own feelings is done in order to prevent conflict situations with loved ones and as a means to remove difficult experiences.

For example, if you are offended or annoyed by an act of a loved one, then just say to him: “I feel annoyed (offended) when I see that I am being ignored.” Worthy, this is a reasonable way of dealing with resentments. But maybe you will set the following task and teach yourself not to be offended in principle?↑

There are people with a well-developed imagination and the ability to feel deeply: it is easy for them to launch and unleash any emotion, but it can be difficult to stop an emotion that has arisen. There is also the opposite situation: a person can easily stop any emotion that has arisen, but it is difficult for him to join the general joy, to become a source of emotional waves himself. It is clear that their tasks in managing emotions will be directly opposite: one needs to learn to stop their emotions, the other needs to start them.

Managing emotions — apparently, the topic is endless and for everyone. Just for example, we list the possible tasks for someone who is interested in this direction. These are the tasks:

• To evoke, trigger the necessary emotions: flare up with joy, throw out rage, sparkle with resentment, warm with tenderness and gratitude … At the same time, someone can do this freely, easily and almost instantly, while the other only sometime, somewhere and not immediately: it is required «warm up» ↑. See Keys of Emotions
• Hold the emotion for the right time. Many can enter into a state of love for a short time, but only a few can live in a state of love for days, hours and year after year.
• Arbitrarily control the depth or intensity of an emotion. Sometimes it is required to express emotion loudly, brightly and outwardly expressive, in other cases no one needs an external performance, but sincerity and depth of experience are important. See Emotion Intensity Control, Emotion Ventilation.
• Prevent unnecessary emotions, even when people around you vigorously provoke them.
• Switch from one emotion to another, transform an emotional state into another, more desirable one, use even inappropriate emotions for something useful. Anxiety can mobilize forces, fear can rally a company, jealousy can entertain…
• Restrain emotions, stop emotions, get out of emotions. In how many seconds can you remove your resentment? Can you, like Gone with the Wind character Scarlett O’Hara, put your worries off until tomorrow? See Emotion Outburst, Speaking Difficult Emotions, Switching Attention as a Way to Manage Emotions

The one who knows how to do this — knows how to control himself, controls his emotions. See →

As for deep emotional experiences, most of them cannot be directly controlled, although in a particular situation it is possible to make emotional outbursts more environmentally friendly, and then turn to a specialist psychologist. Most involuntary emotions can be released (cleared) if necessary. See Working with Emotions and Psychotherapy