Wandering in the Dark: 17 Suicide Facts

On average, every two weeks someone jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. More than a kilometer long bridge is recognized as the “best” place for committing suicide: more than three thousand people have already committed suicide on it. This is the frightening reality. What was so hard and unbearable in the life of these people?

Suicide is never easy to accept. This topic is difficult to study from the point of view of psychotherapy, not to mention understanding from relatives and friends. Over the years, I have realized how much understanding and care are needed for those who struggle with suicidal thoughts. It is important not to discount what they are experiencing, not to make them feel abnormal. Research suggests that a lack of support and the availability of ways to take one’s own life are risk factors, and they make us more susceptible to the difficulties that arise.

Here’s what I’ve learned about those who think, are about to, or have already attempted to kill themselves.

1. Most want to talk about it

At the initial appointment, I often ask clients about thoughts or attempts at suicide. I’m asking this question completely dispassionately to dispel myths, weaken defense mechanisms, and achieve openness. If a client says that he has thought about suicide, I ask if he has shared these thoughts with anyone. As a rule, people keep them secret because they are afraid of a negative reaction, condemnation or devaluation of their feelings. Over time, I realized that many of my teenage clients and some adults want to talk about suicide, but are afraid that others will see them as depressed or pessimistic.

2. Thinking about suicide does not mean committing it.

Both those who have already tried to kill themselves and those who think about it for a long time are in a state of internal conflict. Death is often thought of after years of suffering, attempts at healing, and many traumatic or tragic events. For some people, suicide is like a band-aid. Unfortunately, they do not realize that he will not solve the problems, but will cause even more severe pain. A temporary patch won’t fix anything. I believe that people who struggle with suicidal thoughts know this deep down. But they are looking for something that will stop their pain.

3. Self-harm doesn’t always mean you want to die.

While working in a hospital, I met with teenagers who had multiple marks of self-inflicted injuries all over their bodies. I realized that many of these children didn’t necessarily want to die. They wanted to «stop» the pain, but didn’t know how. I worked with a ten-year-old arsonist who could not be left alone with his grandmother — he would run away and find something flammable at home. In the end, he burned down the house, started cutting and burning himself. After working with him for 90 days, I discovered that he did not want to die at all. The child was trying to stop the intrusive thoughts that he suffered from for many years after being a victim of sexual abuse.

4. The first attempt is likely to be followed by another

The results of numerous studies suggest that if a person has at least once tried to commit suicide, he is more likely to take new steps. The first attempt seems to reduce the fear of subsequent ones. She can be a «trial balloon» to see what happens. This is especially true for teenagers.

5. The presence of suicidal thoughts does not necessarily mean that a person needs help.

It is generally accepted in society that if a person has suicidal thoughts, he needs psychiatric treatment. It’s time to debunk this myth. Suicide is one of the challenges that life throws at us. It’s only natural that people start thinking about it from time to time. The real problems begin when a person studies this subject in depth with the intention of killing himself. If your loved one mentions it in a conversation or you feel like they are thinking about it, you can ask them why. But don’t make him feel «bad» or guilty!

6. The topic of suicide should not be taboo

Teenagers today seem to be more aware of this than adults. Popular among them, the series «13 Reasons Why» gives a realistic look at the problem of suicide. Alas, parents are not yet ready to discuss this with teenagers. As a rule, such conversations do not begin until suicide occurs in the family. It seems to me that the older generation should take the opportunity to speak on this topic. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people aged 12-24. This is a real epidemic among young people.

7. Most people who contemplate suicide want to live but don’t know how.

Personally, I appreciate the beauty of life when everything is fine with me. I enjoy nature and relationships, I enjoy work and study. But if something really unpleasant happens, the colors fade and it all loses its meaning. Those who struggle with suicidal thoughts experience the same dilemma. On the one hand, I want to live and enjoy the beauty of life. On the other hand, it seems that freedom is only one step away.

8. Many contemplating suicide don’t know how to commit it.

I have had many clients who have told me about their suicidal thoughts, but they did not have a specific plan. The plan is the very ingredient that makes suicidal thoughts deadly. And another important point: some people fear suicide more than the prospect of falling at the hands of another, and they provoke others to harm them.

9. It is important to approach the problem as carefully as possible

It is important to help a person see the value of life. For example, when working with suicidal teenagers (especially those who are determined to carry out their plans and who have access to weapons or pills), I must make our first meeting positive. It is important to help the client see that there is still hope that things will get better. When someone is at this stage, it is important to treat them with the utmost care.

10. Those who attempt suicide tend to regret it.

26 of those who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge regretted their act. One of the survivors said that the jump dragged on for an eternity and he changed his mind the second he kicked off the bridge with his feet. This once again proves that people experience conflicting feelings and do not always really want to die, even thinking about suicide.

11. Every second someone in our world wants to kill themselves.

Putting this fact into words and starting to explore the problem of suicide more deeply, one can realize the full horror of the situation. Even if we are happy and content, someone at this very moment is unhappy and thinks of committing suicide. While we are passionate about our own lives, someone cuts off theirs. Someone is thinking about it right now. And the worst part: according to statistics, four out of five suicidal teenagers gave clear signals that they were visited by a desire to die, but no one noticed them until it was too late.

12. The instrument of suicide can be what is always at hand.

During the construction of the Golden Gate Bridge, 11 people died, and the plan included the erection of a safety net for construction workers. Today, San Francisco residents are proposing a «suicide grid.» Many are frightened by the thought that the bridge “helps” so many people to commit suicide. We should not forget: a person contemplating suicide will overcome any distance in order to carry out his plan.

13. Most people think about suicide but avoid talking or thinking about it in depth.

Would you share suicidal thoughts with someone who will never understand you, show you no sympathy, or discount your pain? I’m sure not. So many people who are secretly suicidal are careful to «signal», gather tools to carry out their plan, and then see it through to the end. There are many behavioral signs that can tell if someone is contemplating suicide.

14. Philosophers viewed suicide as a dilemma of human existence.

Kant, Plato, Friedrich Nietzsche, Socrates and many other philosophers have written about suicide. Plato considered it a shameful act, a manifestation of cowardice, and suggested burying suicides without identification marks. Isn’t this the same opinion that modern society basically adheres to? Suicide as an act is stigmatized and many avoid discussing the topic.

15. Thoughts and feelings about suicide always generate internal conflict.

Dr. Lisa Firestone of the non-profit Glendon Association studies suicide and violence. She found that many of those who decide to commit suicide experience an acute internal struggle: the desire to live fights in them with the desire to die.

16. Three factors that affect the likelihood of suicide: genetics, environment, trauma

Predisposition to certain mental conditions (eg depression), unsafe environment, lack of care and support, psychological trauma can significantly increase the risk of suicidal behavior.

17. Negative internal monologue and internal «locus of control» can lead to suicidal thoughts.

Obsessive negative thoughts and delusions, “stuck” on a certain painful topic — all this can both contribute to the development of depression and be its manifestations. Depression, in turn, leads to suicidal thoughts. This is a vicious circle.

People with suicidal thoughts and conflicting feelings need support. The sensitivity of loved ones and openness to discuss this topic can prevent terrible events. Are you ready for this conversation?

The author is Tamara Hill, a psychotherapist, specialist in working with emotional trauma.