An actualizer is a personality type from the well-known book by E. Shostrom «Manipulator», the opposite of the Manipulator described by him (not to be confused with a manipulator in the generally accepted sense). Look →
A close concept is a self-actualizing personality, but it seems that with similar names, these concepts fix significantly different content.
The main characteristics of the actualizers:
The pillars on which the actualizer “stands” are honesty, awareness, freedom and trust:
1. Honesty, sincerity (transparency, authenticity). Able to be honest in any feelings, whatever they may be. They are characterized by sincerity, expressiveness.
2. Awareness, interest, fullness of life. They see and hear themselves and others well. They are able to form their own opinion about works of art, about music and all life.
3. Freedom, openness (spontaneity). Have the freedom to express their potentials. They are the masters of their lives; subjects.
4. Trust, faith, conviction. Have deep faith in others and in themselves, always striving to connect with life and cope with difficulties here and now.
The actualizer seeks originality and uniqueness in himself, the relationship between the actualizers is close.
The actualizer is a whole person, and therefore his initial position is the consciousness of self-worth.
The actualizer perceives life as a process of growth, and perceives one or another of his defeats or failures philosophically, calmly, as temporary difficulties.
The Actualizer is a multifaceted personality with complementary opposites.
I hope you have misunderstood me that a self-actualized person is a superman without any weaknesses. Imagine, an updater can be stupid, wasteful or stubborn. But he can never be as joyless as a sack of chaff. And although weakness allows himself quite often, but always, under any conditions, remains a fascinating personality!
When you begin to discover your actualization potentials in yourself, do not try to achieve perfection. Look for the joy that comes from integrating your strengths as well as your weaknesses.
Erich Fromm says that a person has the freedom to create, design, travel, take risks. Fromm defined freedom as the ability to make a choice.
The actualizer is free in the sense that, while playing the game of life, he is aware that he is playing. He understands that sometimes he manipulates, and sometimes he is manipulated. In short, he is aware of the manipulation.
The actualizer understands that life does not have to be a serious game, rather it is akin to dance. Nobody wins or loses in a dance; it is a process, and a pleasant process. The actualizer “dances” among its various potentials. It is important to enjoy the process of life, and not the achievement of the goals of life.
Therefore, actualizing people are important and need not only the result, but also the very movement towards it. They may enjoy the process of “doing” as much and even more than what they are doing.
Many psychologists are sure that the actualizer is able to turn the most routine activity into a holiday, into an exciting game. Because he rises and falls with the ebb and flow of life and does not take it with grim seriousness.
Himself the boss
Let’s understand the concepts of inner guidance and guidance from others.
An internally directed personality is a personality with a gyroscope built in childhood — a mental compass (it is installed and launched by parents or people close to the child). The gyroscope is constantly undergoing changes under the influence of various authorities. But no matter how he changes, an internally controlled person passes through life independently and obeys only his own internal direction.
A small number of principles govern the source of man’s inner guidance. What is implanted in us early in life takes on the appearance of an inner core and character traits later. We strongly welcome this kind of independence, but with one caveat. An excess of internal guidance is dangerous because a person can become insensitive to the rights and feelings of other people, and then he has only one road — to become manipulators. He will manipulate others because of his overwhelming sense of «rightness».
Not all parents, however, implant such a gyroscope in their children. If parents are subject to endless doubts — how best to raise a child? — then instead of a gyroscope, this child will develop a powerful radar system. He will only listen to the opinions of others and adapt, adapt … His parents could not give him a clear and understandable signal — how to be and how to be. He accordingly needs a radar system in order to receive signals from much wider circles. The boundaries between family authority and all other authorities are destroyed, and the primary need of such a child to “listen” is replaced by fear of the successive voices of authorities or of any gaze. Manipulation in the form of constant pleasing to others becomes his primary method of communication. Here we clearly see how the initial feeling of fear was transformed into a sticky love for all.
“What will people think?”
“Tell me what should be done here?”
“What position should I take, huh?”
The actualizer is less dependent on orientation, but it does not fall into the extremes of internal guidance. He seems to have a more autonomous and self-sustaining existential orientation. The actualizer allows himself to be guided where he should be sensitive to human approval, favor and good will, but the source of his actions is always internal guidance. What is valuable is that the actualizer’s freedom is primordial, and he did not win it by pressure on others or by rebellion. It is also very important that only a person living in the present can be free, internally guided. Then he believes more in his own reliance on himself and his own self-expression. In other words, he does not depend on the phantoms of the past or the future, they will not obscure his light, but he freely lives, experiences, gains life experience, focusing on the “here” and “now”.
A person living in the future relies on expected events. She satisfies her vanity through dreams and supposed goals. As a rule, she indulges herself with these plans for the future simply because she is insolvent in the present. She invents the meaning of life to justify her existence. And, as a rule, it achieves just the opposite goal, because, focusing only on the future, it stops its development in the present and develops lower feelings in itself.
In the same way, a person living in the past does not have a strong enough footing in himself, but he has succeeded greatly in blaming others. He does not understand that our problems exist here and now, regardless of where, when and by whom they were born. And their solution must be sought here and now.
The only time we have the opportunity to live is the present. We can and must remember the past; we can and must foresee the future. But we live only in the present. Even when we relive the past, mourn or ridicule it, we do so in the present. We, in essence, move the past into the present, we can do it. But no one can, and thank God that he can not, move forward or backward in time.
The manipulator who devotes all his time to reminiscences of the past or idle dreams of the future does not come out refreshed from these mental walks. On the contrary, it is exhausted and devastated. His behavior is overpassive rather than active. As Perls said. our value will not increase if we are festooned with references to a difficult past and promises of a brighter future. “It’s not my fault, life has turned out this way,” the manipulator whines. And turning to the future: “I’m not doing so well now, but I’ll show myself!”
The Actualizer, on the other hand, has the rare and wonderful gift of extracting a sense of value in the here and now. He calls explanations or promises instead of a specific deed a lie, and what he does strengthens his faith in himself and helps his self-affirmation. To live fully in the present, no external support is required. To say “I am adequate now” instead of “I was adequate” or “I will be adequate” means to assert yourself in this world and evaluate yourself highly enough. And rightfully so.
Being in the moment is a goal and a result in itself. Actual being has its own reward — a sense of self-reliance and self-confidence.
Do you want to feel the shaky ground of the present under your feet? Take an example from a small child. He feels the real best.
Children are characterized by a total, without question, acceptance of everything that happens, because, on the one hand, they have very few memories and very little reliance on the past, and, on the other hand, they still do not know how to predict the future. As a result, the child is like a being without a past and a future.
If you do not regret anything and do not expect anything, if there is neither anticipation nor appreciation, then there can be neither surprise nor disappointment, and involuntarily you will move here and now. There is no prognosis, and there are no ominous omens, forebodings, or fatal predictions.
My concept of a creative personality, one that lives without a future and a past, is largely based on admiring children. You can also say this: “The creative person is innocent”, that is, growing, capable of perceiving, reacting, thinking, like a child. The innocence of a creative person is by no means infantilism. She is akin to the innocence of a wise old man who has managed to regain his ability to be a child.
The poet Kallil Gibran put it this way: «I know that yesterday is only today’s memory, and tomorrow is today’s dream.»
An actualizer is a doer, a “doer”, it is someone who is. He expresses not imaginary possibilities, but real ones, and tries with the help of his labors and talents to cope with the difficulties of life. He feels prosperous because his existence is filled with continuous activity.
He freely turns to the past for help, seeks strength in memory and often appeals to the future in search of goals, but he understands perfectly well that both are acts of the present …