Here it is, it’s over… Easy to say but not so easy to live with. Whether you have left or have left, a breakup is like bereavement: it gives rise to strong feelings that are difficult to deal with, and recovering from it can sometimes take a long time. Fortunately, we are all capable of turning the page, provided we give ourselves the means.

“Forget him / her, you weren’t meant to be together ”,“ Move on, there are more serious things in life ”,“ One lost, ten found”… Who has never heard these kinds of so-called“ comforting ”phrases when breaking up? Even if the people who say them think they are doing the right thing, this method is not effective. No, you can’t move on overnight, it’s impossible. Even if we want to, we can’t do it. Any separation is painful and to be able to move forward, it is precisely necessary to let this pain express itself in order to make it aware. The first thing to do after a breakup is to let out all the emotions that overwhelm us: sadness, anger, resentment, disappointment …

A 2015 study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science proved that this method helped people recover from a breakup faster. The authors of this work noticed that the people who were regularly asked to review the reasons for their breakup and their feelings about the separation, had admitted feeling less alone and less affected by this ordeal a few weeks later. , compared to those who had not spoken about their breakup. But that’s not all, regularly sharing their emotions had also allowed them to take a step back on the separation. As the weeks went on, the study participants no longer used the “we” to talk about their breakup, but the “I”. This study therefore shows the importance of focusing on oneself after a breakup to realize that it is possible to rebuild without the other. Facing your feelings allows you to better welcome them later.

It seems logical and yet it is one of the most difficult stages after a breakup. Cutting off all communication with your ex allows you to focus more on your own feelings and on your future. The slightest contact will inevitably bring you back into this relationship, which you know did not work. This will only fuel your pain, thereby delaying the grieving of your story.

Cutting ties means no longer having exchanges with the person but also no longer seeking to hear from them, either through those around them or through social networks. In fact, going to see your profile on Facebook or Instagram is to take the risk of seeing things that will hurt you.

Breaking up should not be taboo. Even if you still love the person, ask yourself the right questions about your breakup. Despite the love, it didn’t work. So ask yourself why? Focusing on the reasons for the separation helps you accept it better. It’s a way of putting feelings aside so that you can think objectively. If necessary, write down the causes of the break-up. By visualizing them, you will be able to relativize this failure and tell yourself that love was not enough. The break was inevitable.

Breaking up tends to make us pessimistic: “I will never find anyone“,”I will not be able to fall in love again (se) “,”I’ll never get over it”… At that moment, it is sadness that speaks. And we know that reacting under the influence of emotion never announces anything good. This phase does not have to last long. For this, do not isolate yourself.

Being alone promotes rumination. Don’t want to go out and see people? Force yourself, it will do you a lot of good! Your mind will no longer be busy thinking about the breakup. Take on new things (new sports activities, new hairstyle, new decoration, new travel destinations). After a rupture, the novelty gives access to horizons hitherto unknown. A good way to regain self-confidence and move forward to finally be able to say “I turned the page«.