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On February 2, Netflix released the documentary «The Tinder Swindler» about an Israeli scammer whose victims were women from Central and Northern Europe whom he met on Tinder. The result of these acquaintances for the heroines has always been the same — a broken heart, lack of money and fear for their lives. What conclusions can we draw from this story?
Directed by Felicity Morris, the film has already been dubbed a modern version of Steven Spielberg’s Catch Me If You Can. They really are similar: the main characters successfully pretend to be other people, forge documents, live at someone else’s expense and remain elusive for the police for a long time. Only here it is not possible to feel sympathy for the Israeli swindler. We tell you why.
The Perfect Man
Simon Leviev is the son of a billionaire and the CEO of his diamond manufacturing company. What is known about him? Due to his work, the man is forced to travel a lot — his Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia) is full of photos taken on yachts, private jets and in expensive hotels. And he wants to find a loved one.
In the end, he finds him on Tinder — in the person of the Norwegian Cecile Fellhol, who moved to London. After meeting for coffee, the man invites her to Bulgaria, where he, along with his team, had to leave for work. And after a couple of days they become a couple.
Being on business trips all the time, Simon could not see his girlfriend often, but still seemed like an ideal partner: he was constantly in touch, sent cute videos and audio messages, gave flowers and expensive gifts, said that he sees her as his wife and mother of his children . And after a couple of months, he even offered to live together.
But in one moment everything changed dramatically
Enemies — competitors in the diamond business, who threatened Simon, tried to kill him. As a result, his bodyguard was injured, and the businessman was forced to give up all his accounts and bank cards — so that he could not be tracked down.
So Cecile began to help her partner with money, because he must continue to work, flying to negotiations, no matter what. She gave away a bank card taken in her name, then took out a loan, a second, a third … And after a while she found that she was living with nine loans and Simon’s constant promises that he would “just about” unfreeze the accounts and return everything.
Shimon Hayut, as the “millionaire” is actually called, of course, did not return anything and continued to travel around Europe, deceiving other women. But still, he was caught — thanks to the joint work of journalists, the police and other victims, whose stories the director also introduces us to.
Tinder is evil?
Upon its release, the film topped Netflix’s weekly list of most watched projects and took first place in the streaming service trends in Russia — only a couple of days ago it moved to second place due to a series about a Russian fraudster.
Why is he so popular? Immediately for several reasons. First, stories about romantic swindlers were not uncommon 10 years ago, and now. What in Europe, what in Russia. This is a painful topic.
Secondly, because the story of every victim begins with an acquaintance on Tinder. The debate about why dating apps are needed and whether it is possible to find a loved one in them seems to never end.
And the released movie became a new argument for those who do not believe in dating apps.
However, the victims themselves do not blame the Tinder swindler at all — Cecile even continues to use it, as he still hopes to meet a person who is close in spirit and interests. Therefore, you can not rush to remove the application. But some conclusions, based on what the deceived women told, are worth making.
Why the scam worked
The heroines of the film emphasized many times that Simon seemed to them an amazing person. According to them, he has such natural magnetism that after an hour of communication it seemed as if they had known each other for 10 years. He probably was like that: he knew how to find the right words, he knew when to move away so that his partner would get bored and become attached to him even more. But he easily read when it was not worth pushing — for example, he did not insist on a relationship, realizing that he could get money from her as a friend.
As psychologist and relationship specialist Zoe Clus explains, Simon’s involvement in «love bombing» played a special role in what happened — in particular, he suggested that women move in as soon as possible.
“When things move too fast, the excitement we experience bypasses our conscious, rational, and logical minds and enters the subconscious. But the subconscious cannot distinguish reality from fantasy — this is where the problems begin, the expert says. “As a result, everything seems very real. This can lead you to make bad decisions.»
However, there are other reasons why women believed the swindler to the last.
Faith in a fairy tale
Like many of us who grew up on Disney and classic fairy tales about princes and princesses, Cecile believed in a miracle in her heart — that the perfect man would appear — interesting, handsome, wealthy, who would «put the world at her feet.» It does not matter that they are from different social classes. Cinderella could?
Rescuer Syndrome
“He is the type of man who wants to be saved. Especially when they have such a responsibility. The whole team relied on him,” says Cecile. Next to her, Simon was open, shared his experiences, showed how insecure and vulnerable he felt.
He was allegedly responsible for a huge company, for his team, and felt safe only next to his beloved.
And Cecile took it as her duty to protect or save him. First giving him all your love and support, and then helping him financially. Her message was simple: «If I don’t help him, who will?» And, unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one who thought so.
And yet we return to the topic of social classes. Simon did not choose women who, like him, flew private jets and relaxed in high-end restaurants. He chose those who received an average salary and had only a general idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbthe life of the «elite».
Because of this, it was so easy for them to lie. Talk about fictitious problems in the family business, do not go into details about bank accounts. Make up stories about the security service. His victims had no understanding of what is possible and what is not for those who live on a level above. They knew nothing about the management of companies, nor about how their owners usually behave in cases of danger. “If someone who was born and raised in these conditions says that it must be so, then how can I argue?”