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New fears in children, too exposed
Children are afraid of the dark, of the wolf, of water, of being left alone… Parents know by heart those moments when their toddlers panic and cry so much they are afraid. In general, they also know how to calm them down and reassure them. In recent years, new fears have arisen among the youngest. In large cities, children are said to be increasingly exposed to violent images that frighten them. Decryption with Saverio Tomasella, doctor in human sciences and psychoanalyst, author of “Small fears or big terrors”, published by Leduc.s éditions.
What is fear in children?
“One of the most significant events that a 3-year-old will experience is when he returns to nursery school,” explains Saverio Tomasella first of all. The child goes from a protected world (nursery, nanny, mother, grandmother…) to a world populated by many toddlers, governed by strict rules and constraints. In short, he plunges into the tumult of collective life. Sometimes experienced as a real “jungle”, the school is the first place of all discoveries. Some children will take more or less time to adapt to this new environment. Sometimes even certain situations will really scare the little guy who is taking his first steps in kindergarten. “It is best for adults to be very vigilant during this important period of the start of schooling. Indeed, the psychoanalyst underlines the fact that we impose on toddlers to have to fend for themselves, to become autonomous, to obey several adults, to follow rules of good behavior, etc. “All of these guidelines don’t make a lot of sense to the little child. He is often afraid of doing badly, of being frowned upon, of not keeping pace, ”says the specialist. If the child can keep his blanket with him, it comforts him. “It is a way for the child to reassure himself, including by sucking his thumb, this form of contact with his body is fundamental”, specifies the psychoanalyst.
New fears that scare children
Dr Saverio Tomasella explains that he receives more and more children in consultation who evoke fears linked to new modes of communication in large cities (stations, metro corridors, etc.). “The child is confronted with certain violent images on a daily basis”, denounces the specialist. Indeed, screens or posters stage an advertisement in the form of a video, for example the trailer of a horror film or one comprising scenes of a sexual nature, or of a video game, sometimes violent and above all which is meant to be adults only. “The child is thus confronted with images which do not concern him. Advertisers primarily target adults. But as they are broadcast in a public place, children see them anyway, ”explains the specialist. It would be interesting to understand how it is possible to have a double talk to parents. They are asked to protect their children with parental control software on the home computer, to ensure that they respect the signage of films on television, and in public spaces, “hidden” and not intended images. toddlers are displayed without censorship on city walls. Saverio Tomasella agrees with this analysis. “The child says it clearly: he is really afraid of his images. They are scary for him, ”confirms the specialist. Moreover, the child receives these images without filters. The parent or accompanying adult should discuss this with them. Other fears concern the tragic events in Paris and Nice in recent months. Faced with the horror of the attacks, many families were hit hard. “After the terrorist attacks, televisions broadcast a lot of highly violent images. In some families, the evening television news can take up a fairly large place at mealtimes, in a deliberate desire to “keep informed”. Children living in such families have more nightmares, have less restful sleep, pay less attention in class and sometimes even develop fears about the realities of everyday life. “Each child needs to grow up in an environment that reassures and reassures them,” explains Saverio Tomasella. “Faced with the horror of the attacks, if the child is young, it is better to say as little as possible. Do not give details to the little ones, talk to them simply, do not use vocabulary or violent words, and do not use the word “fear”, for example ”, also recalls the psychoanalyst.
Parents’ attitudes adapted to the fear of the child
Saverio Tomasella is categorical: “The child lives the situation without distance. For example, posters or screens are in public places, shared by everyone, adults and children, far from the reassuring family cocoon. I remember a 7-year-old boy who told me how scared he was in the metro when he saw a poster of a room plunged in the dark ”, testifies the specialist. Parents often wonder how to react. “If the child has seen the picture, it is necessary to talk about it. First of all, the adult allows the child to express himself, and opens the dialogue to the maximum. Ask him how he feels when he sees this kind of image, what does it do to him. Tell him and confirm that indeed, for a child of his age, it is quite natural to be afraid, that he agrees with what he is feeling. Parents may add that it is indeed annoying to be exposed to these kinds of images, ”he explains. “Yes, it’s scary, you’re right”: the psychoanalyst thinks that one should not hesitate to explain it thus. Another piece of advice, do not necessarily dwell on the subject, once the essentials have been said, the adult can move on, without giving too much importance to the event, so as not to dramatize the situation. “In this case, the adult can adopt a benevolent attitude, attentive listening to what the child has felt, to what he thinks about it”, concludes the psychoanalyst.