Contents
Step 50: “It is more important to be in harmony than to be right”
The 88 rungs of happy people
In this chapter of “The 88 steps of happy people” I invite you to learn to apologize even if you have not made any mistakes
Anxo, would you have any tools to implement those flower fields from the previous Step? – «Guat du yu zinc»?
If you have managed to remove disapproval from your life, then you have managed to stop planting minefields. What I am about to tell you now is one of the best tools I know to start planting flower fields, and with it you will see that the effect will be to disarm anyone in less than a second. The tool is: ask for forgiveness when it is not necessary.
“Hmmm … curious.” What if I am not guilty of anything?
That’s why I said “when it’s not necessary.” In reality, being guilty of something or not is irrelevant. It is not a question of guilt, but of how to create a safe environment. Every time you ask someone for forgiveness, you will be giving them three messages: 1) I go in peace; 2) I look for there to be harmony between us; and 3) I strive not to be arrogant, but humble.
Peace equals well-being and tranquility, harmony is an anti-stress balm, and humility generates trustworthiness.
You give a field of flowers to your classmate by saying this:
“Hey, forgive me for not saying hello to you when I saw you on campus yesterday.” He was very late for an exam.
And she, after saying goodbye, is thinking this other:
“How nice he is, that he mentions something to me that I didn’t even remember.”
You give your employee a field of flowers by saying this:
“Forgive me for my reply on Monday.” I think the stress got over me.
He remembers your words during the meal:
“It says a lot about my boss apologizing for something that didn’t even offend me.”
“Anxo, so the point of apologizing is to get complimented internally?”
Of course not. The important thing is not that you provoke a compliment, but that you generate harmony. The compliment focuses on the benefit to you. Harmony focuses on the benefit of others. If it takes you a second to apologize, then it takes you a second to disarm a person who might come at war (or not) to make them suddenly come in. they are of peace, or converting a stressful environment that is not safe into a relaxed environment that is. And if there was no prior tension, it will not solve the previous situation, but it will improve the current one. The tool is optimal to use with people who are at the same level and ideal to use with people over whom you have an ascendant, such as your children, your students or your employees. Many times, the hierarchy generates fears, and an “I beg your pardon” or an “I apologize if …” is the most immediate way to eliminate them, especially when it is you who is in a position of power.
Can you imagine that every time you wanted to create a calm environment, whether it was already tense or not, in any place (in the office, with the family, at the university) there was a button that people could press to create it? Do you think people would press it? The button already exists, and it is none other than the star phrase of this Step. If people do not use it, it is for two reasons: for ignorance and for not having taken the trouble to try it to see that it works. I just took care of the first thing. I urge you to take care of the second.
Twitter: @anxo
# The88stepsofagentefeliz