Contents
Sexual mindfulness: how to fully enjoy relationships
Couple
It is essential to pay attention to the moment we live, whether it will be while we eat, do sports, or are with our partner
Surely lately you have heard talk about “mindfulness”: the technique that encourages us to “be” in the present, pay full attention to what surrounds us and focus on what we do at all times. We can apply this to all planes of our life. Thus, it is important to pay attention to what we eat, how we do it; not think about anything else when we go to the gym, but focus on the exercises, on our body; and also, of course, in our relationships. When we are with our partner, it is important to focus on her, on the sensations of our body, on what we feel during the moment.
The latter is what we call «Mindful sex», a not so new conception of having sex. The psychologist and sexologist Silvia Sanz explains it: «We already know that our brain has more sexual power than any part of the body. If we carry our attention to every movement or caress, silencing thoughts and leaving expectations behind, we can have a pleasant sex and enjoy it to the fullest. This is mindfulsex.
But we are not talking only about the sexual act, because as Ana Sierra, psychologist, sexologist and pioneer in the use of the term “Mindful sex” in Spain, clarifies, sexuality is in the brain. “There are enemies of sex, which start from our rational self and not the sentimental one: it should, stress, going to the past or present,” explains Sierra, who emphasizes the idea that “Only” feels “in the now”. On the other hand, Antonio Gallego, an expert in mindfulness and collaborator of Petit BamBou, makes a curious note: «It is funny that during daily activity the attention goes several times to sex and yet when we maintain sexual activity we can lose ourselves in other issues: it happens because we are not present.
And how should we practice this “Mindful sex” and prevent our thinking from going free? Silvia Sanz gives us the keys: “We can first practice alone, knowing our body, enjoying it, in order to better accept our sexuality.” On the other hand, he proposes that they do not “be in a hurry” in the sexual game, and that it be taken as only objective enjoy, without having expectations. “If a thought distracts us, we must try to take it outside, refocusing our attention on what we are feeling, without resistance, but without giving up on enhancing our sensations,” he recommends.
How to work it alone?
- Get started in mindfulness: focusing attention on the present moment and bodily sensations.
- Knowing oneself in the sexual plane observing prejudices, limits, desires, etc.
- Work the senses in everyday actions, for example, with food.
- Apply body awareness to intimate moments with yourself.
Silvia Sanz also gives us advice on how to work this technique on our own. «You can train yourself with caresses, trying bring attention to every part of our body, enjoying the sensation in all its aspects “, he explains and continues:” We must train the acceptance of oneself, and direct our mind to the present moment, letting ourselves be carried away by the sensations. Afterwards it will be easier to share it with our partner ».
On the other hand, this practice can be beneficial for the health of couple relationships. It can improve the relationship, since sex is more conscious, and, as Silvia Sanz explains, “sex is certainly not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is the glue of the couple.”
So, practicing «Mindfull sex», we connect more with our partner, we intensify the pleasure, we stop worrying and we are more concerned with feeling. “We enjoy the sensations, we develop the capacity for relaxation in the mind and body, we connect with the present moment, becoming aware of your sexuality and that of the other,” concludes the professional.
How to work it as a couple?
- Connect with the gaze: it is the most genuine way of feeling connected.
- Activate the rest of the senses: bringing attention to touch, sight, taste, smell and sounds helps to a richer experience.
- Keeping the attention in the present: if the mind drifts and we become aware, it can be brought back to the present by paying attention to the breath.
- Let the inner voice speak: if there is a limit that you do not want to cross, or a desire, you have to express it honestly.
- Release expectations: we are not required to meet expectations, our own and others. You just have to enjoy.
- Laugh: sex and humor combine perfectly, promote relaxation and the secretion of positive hormones.