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Anger, fear, sadness… We know how these emotions can overwhelm us. And this is even more true for a child. This is why it is fundamental, for a parent, to teach his child to manage his emotions well, not to be overwhelmed. This ability will be for him, in his childhood as in his future adult life, a major asset to assert his personality.
What is an emotion?
Emotion is a biological reaction which manifests itself as a physical sensation and generates behavior: it is the basis of our personality. In other words, the emotions felt by the young child are determining. They imbue his future life with a special color.
The baby lives a close bond with his mother and soak up his emotions. “At the time of his birth, if his mother is afraid, the baby will be very afraid,” explains Catherine Gueguen. But if she is well accompanied, serene, he will be too. There are children who smile at birth! “
The first months, the newborn begins to differentiate. He who only feels himself to exist through his bodily sensations, is in close connection with his emotions. He manifests his own feelings. By being attentive, we can come to understand it.
How to define an emotion?
To define an emotion, the etymology puts us on the track. The word comes from the Latin “movere”, which sets in motion. “Until the twentieth century, we considered emotions as embarrassing, explains Dr. Catherine Gueguen, pediatrician. But since the rise of affective and social neurosciences, we have understood that they are essential to our development: they determine the way we think, act and undertake. “
Far from being confined to five commonly cited main emotions (fear, disgust, joy, sadness, anger), the human emotional palette is extremely vast: every sensation corresponds to an emotion. Thus, in the baby, discomfort, fatigue, even hunger, are emotions as well as fear or the feeling of loneliness. For babies, each sensation has an emotional color that it manifests through tears, cries, smiles, movement, posture, but above all through the expression of his face. Her eyes are a reflection of her inner life.
“In 0-3 year olds, emotions are the only way to express bodily feelings, needs and thoughts, hence the fact that they are also present and invasive at this period of life. Soothing words, rocking in the arms, an abdominal massage, easily release these emotions… ”
Anne-Laure Benattar
In video: 12 magic phrases to help your child calm their anger
All the child feels is emotion
As soon as the parent thinks he has identified what his baby is feeling, he must verbalize it in the form of a question and observe the child’s reactions: “Do you feel alone? “,” Do you want us to change your diaper? “. Be careful not to “stick” your own interpretation on the child, and to observe it well to refine its perception. Does her face open up, relax? It’s a good sign. Once the parent has identified what works, when he knows the expressions of the feelings of the toddler, he reacts accordingly: the child then feels heard, he is secure. It takes time, but it is essential for its development.
Indeed, studies on the impact of emotions conducted in the context of affective and social neuroscience have shown that a brain under stress – for example in a young child whose emotions are not recognized or taken into account, but to whom we say “stop these whims!” – produces cortisol, a hormone that blocks the development of several areas of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex, the seat of decision-making and action, and the amygdala, the center for processing emotions. Conversely, an empathetic attitude stimulates the development of all gray matter., increases the volume of the hippocampus, an essential area for learning, and generates in toddlers the production of oxytocin, a hormone that will help them manage their own emotions and develop their social skills by being connected to the emotions of those around him. Empathy towards the child promotes the development of his brain and allows him to acquire the basics of self-knowledge that will make him a balanced adult.
He gets to know himself
As children grow older, they will be able to associate thoughts and language with their feelings. If his emotional experience has been taken into account from his first days, if he has heard the adult put words to what he is feeling, he will know how to do it in his turn. Thus, from 2 years old, the toddler can tell if he feels sad, worried or angry… A considerable asset for making himself understood!
We tend to only consider “unpleasant” emotions. Let’s get into the habit of also verbalizing those that are pleasant! Thus, the more a child will have heard his parents say: “I find you happy / amused / satisfied / curious / happy / enthusiastic / mischievous / dynamic / interested / etc. »(Let’s not skimp on the vocabulary!), The more he will be able to reproduce later these varied colors on his own emotional palette.
When you take into account how she feels without judgment or annoyance, the baby feels confident. If we help him to verbalize his emotions, he will know how to do it very early, which will help him to flourish. On the other hand, it is not before 6-7 years – that famous age of reason! – that he will learn to manage his emotions (to calm down or reassure himself, for example). Until then, he needs your help to deal with frustrations and anger …