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Predator, rapist, aggressor… As soon as they don’t name this role from the famous Karpman Drama Triangle. The popular diagram is mentioned by everyone and sundry: from fans of pop psychology to professional psychologists. However, Russia has rephrased the original concept so much that now it may not help, but, on the contrary, harm. Psychologist Lyudmila Sheholm tells what myths about the triangle exist.
The dramatic triangle of Karmpan (that’s what it is called) has become especially frequently mentioned in Russia in the last 10-15 years. Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor — familiar names for those who are interested in psychology. In the Drama Triangle, all three roles are not authentic, that is, they are brought up, and not given from birth. Being in one of the roles, people react based on the past, and not on the reality of «here and now.» At the same time, old scenario strategies are used.
In the left corner of the Drama Triangle diagram is the Chaser. He communicates from an «I’m OK — you’re not OK» position. At the same time, he belittles and humiliates people, makes them feel guilty. The persecutor ignores the value and dignity of others, in extreme cases even devalues a person’s right to life and physical health.
In the right corner of the diagram is the Rescuer. He communicates from the same position “I’m OK — you’re not OK”, but does not humiliate, but simply devalues the other. He uses his higher position or strong position to offer help to other people, think for them and solve their problems.
Below is the Victim. She herself feels her humiliated position and communicates from the position: «I’m not okay — you’re okay.» The victim devalues his abilities.
“Sometimes she herself is looking for the Persecutor to humiliate her and put her in her place. In this case, the Victim gets the opportunity to confirm his script belief: “I’m not all right. Other people don’t like me.» Often the Victim is looking for a Rescuer to help and confirm the script belief: “I can’t solve problems on my own.” The triangle must be drawn isosceles, ”says psychologist Lyudmila Shekholm.
Myth number 1. What role — such a personality
Stephen Karpman, a native of Russia, introduced the world to the Drama Triangle in 1968. He created a chart that can be used to analyze psychological games, the life scenario of both one person and a family or other social system.
“Often the role of the Rescuer, the Victim, the Persecutor is mistakenly attributed to the whole personality. But this is not true, — comments Lyudmila Shekholm. — The triangle shows only the role that a person plays in a particular psychological game. The peculiarity of the game is to make people predictable. The game is the structuring of time, the exchange of strokes (in the language of transactional analysis, this is a unit of recognition. — Approx. ed.), maintaining a life position «I’m not okay — you’re okay», «I’m okay — you’re not okay» kay», «I’m not ok — you’re not ok» and the promotion of the script.
Myth number 2. The triangle is pointing up
Karpman’s triangle is always and necessarily isosceles. “In Russia, they like to turn him with the top of the Victim up, and the Persecutor is called an aggressor, a predator, a rapist, a tyrant, even a fascist. But this is not true, — explains the psychologist. — The classic triangle is located with its base up: on the left is the top of the Pursuer, on the right is the Rescuer, the top of the Victim looks down. The roles belong to different people. There is only one version of the triangle, when at the top we see not the base, but the top — this is the so-called Iceberg. That is, one person plays the role of the Victim, but in fact, unconsciously, he can be the Rescuer and the Persecutor. And this is important to know in order to understand the basic principles of the «action» of the triangle.
Myth #3. There is only one Karpman triangle.
There can be many variations of role switching in a triangle. One triangle helps to analyze the psychological games in the family or even the whole family system in different generations. And others (as in the version with Iceberg) show how the same person can move from role to role.
“For example, the fabulous Barmaley known to everyone: either he is a Persecutor, then he suddenly gets into the stomach and becomes a Victim. Or another well-known fairy tale — about Little Red Riding Hood. The main character acts as a Rescuer when she goes to her sick grandmother. But quickly switches to the Victim. The wolf is at first a Pursuer, then he himself becomes a Victim of the Pursuers — hunters. And they become the Rescuers of the girl and the grandmother.”
Role switching sometimes happens very quickly and, as a rule, unconsciously. The victim is only surprised: “How could I again, for the fifth time, lend him money, because he won’t give it back again!”
Myth #4: The Karpman Triangle Works Without Play
This is not true. Karpman’s triangle is relevant in psychological games. But how do you know what’s going on in the game?
“Only then does the game take place when there is cheating in it, switching roles with indispensable negative retribution. According to Eric Berne’s formula, an algorithm is necessarily built in a psychological game: hook + bite = reaction — switching — embarrassment — retribution, ”explains Lyudmila Sjokholm.
Eisi Choi described an effective antithesis to the Karpman diagram — Winner’s Triangle
Let’s say a man invited a girl to a late dinner (hook). She agreed and wentbite and reaction). But “as if” she didn’t understand for what purpose she was called, and he didn’t openly say, but meant to continue after the restaurant. Both pretend that everything is going according to plan.
During the dinner, the girl, after an internal dialogue, decided that there would be no continuation of the dinner. When they agreed, the girl was in the role of the Rescuer, and the man was the Victim. Then it happened switching: she became the Victim and he became the Persecutor.
The man counted on the continuation — for the sake of this, he organized a date. The refusal to go to him surprised him (embarrassment). As if between the lines, both understand this, but do not pronounce it, communicating in half hints. And so she declares that it is time for her to go home, and pays off by taking a taxi on her own. At home, after analyzing what happened, she realizes that the evening failed again and she was stupid again.
Another example of the much-loved game “Why don’t you…? “Yes, but…”
Hook: a client (Victim) comes to a psychologist and says: “I have a problem, I can’t get a job.”
+ Nibble (weakness). Psychologist (Rescuer): «How can I help?»
= Reaction. Psychologist: «Why don’t you join the labor exchange?»
Client: «Yes, but… shame.»
Psychologist: «Have you tried asking your friends?»
Client: «Yes, but« «
Switching: Psychologist: “Well, I don’t know what else to advise you.”
Customer: «Anyway, thanks for trying.»
Embarrassment: Both of them are confused.
Psychologist (Victim): «I’m a bad helper.»
Pay: Client (Stalker): «I knew she wouldn’t help.»
Myth No. 5. There is no way out of the Karpman triangle.
The «danger» of psychological games is that they repeat themselves according to the same scenario. Often this is what some authors of articles broadcast: they say, there is no way out of the Karpman triangle. This is perhaps the most important and most insidious myth.
Back in 1990, a translation of an article by Australian transactional analyst Acey Choi appeared in Russia, which offered an «antidote». She described an effective antithesis to Karpman’s diagram, the Winner’s Triangle. It eliminates depreciation and allows each «corner» to act autonomously.
“Instead of being a Victim, one learns to be Vulnerable. The vulnerable are aware that they are suffering, that they have problems. But they also understand that they have enough sympathy, that they themselves can solve their problems. They are ready to openly ask for help without starting psychological games,” says Lyudmila Shekholm.
In the Drama Triangle, the Rescuer often «does good and does good» to the detriment of his own desires and needs, helps and solves other people’s problems without asking, imposing his vision. In the Victorious Triangle, the Rescuer becomes Caring, respecting the Vulnerable’s ability to think, act, and ask for what they need.
And finally, the Persecutor uses energy to satisfy his own needs and defend his rights.
“Confident understands that proactive change can frustrate people and sees negotiation as part of the problem-solving process. The ultimate goal is not the persecution and punishment of the other, but changes that will take into account his interests and needs, ”concludes the psychologist.