If for an adult the usual format of psychotherapy is a conversation, then it is easier for children to talk with the therapist in the language of the game. With the help of toys it is easier for him to understand and express feelings.
In psychology today, there are quite a few areas that use the game as a tool. Psychologist Elena Piotrovskaya is a follower of child-centered play therapy. For a child, the expert believes, the world of toys is a natural habitat, it has many obvious and hidden resources.
Psychologies: Do you have a standard set of toys or is there a different set for each child?
Elena Piotrovskaya: Toys are the language of the child. We try to provide it with different “words”, they are divided by grades, by types. Children have different contents of the inner world, they are filled with many feelings. And our task is to provide a tool for expressing them. Anger — military toys: pistols, bow, sword. To show tenderness, warmth, love, you need something else — a children’s kitchenette, plates, blankets. If one or another block of toys does not appear in the playroom, then the child will decide that some of his feelings are inappropriate. And what exactly to take at the moment, everyone decides for himself.
Are there any toys that are prohibited in your «nursery»?
There are none, because I, as a therapist, treat the child with complete and non-judgmental acceptance, and in my room it is impossible to do anything “bad” and “wrong” in principle. But that’s exactly why I don’t have tricky toys that you need to understand, because you can not cope with this. And try to be unsuccessful when you are messing with the sand!
All my work is aimed at making the little client feel that he can do what he wants here, and this will be accepted by me — then the content of his inner world will begin to be expressed outside. He can invite me to the game. Some therapists don’t play, but I accept the invitation. And when, for example, a child appoints me as a villain, I put on a mask. If there is no mask, he asks me to speak in a scary voice. You can shoot me. If there is a sword fight, I will definitely take a shield.
How often do children fight with you?
War is an expression of accumulated anger, and pain and anger is something all children experience sooner or later. Parents are often surprised that their child is angry. Each child, in addition to great love for parents, has some claims against them. Unfortunately, children often hesitate to express them for fear of losing parental love.
In my office, the game is not a means of learning, but a space for expressing emotions.
In my room, they go through a careful way of getting to know their feelings in a playful way and learning to express them. They don’t hit their mother or father on the head with a stool — they can shoot, shout, say: “You are bad!” The release of aggression is necessary.
How quickly do children decide which toy to take?
Each child has an individual route through our work. The first, introductory stage may take several sessions, at which time the child understands for himself where he has come and what can be done here. And it often differs from his usual experience. How does a caring mother behave if the child is shy? “Well, Vanechka, you are standing. Look how many cars, sabers, you love it so much, go!” What am I doing? I kindly say: “Vanya, you decided to stand here for the time being.”
The difficulty is that it seems to the mother that time is running out, but they brought the boy — they need to work it out. And the specialist acts in accordance with his approach: «Hello, Vanya, here you can use everything that is, as you want.» There are no dances with tambourines around the child. Why? Because he will enter the room when he is ripe.
Sometimes there are performances “on the top five”: at first, children draw carefully, as it should be. While playing, they look back at me — they say, is it possible? The trouble is that children at home, on the street, at school, are even forbidden to play, they make comments, they limit it. And in my office, they can do everything, except for the deliberate destruction of toys, causing physical harm to themselves and me.
But the child leaves the office and finds himself at home, where the games are played according to the old rules, where he is again restricted …
It is true that it is usually important for adults that the child learns something. Someone learns math or English in a playful way. But in my office, the game is not a means of learning, but a space for expressing emotions. Or parents are embarrassed that a child, playing doctor, does not give an injection, but cuts off the doll’s leg. As a specialist, it is important for me what kind of emotional experience is behind certain actions of the child. What spiritual movements find expression in his game activity.
It turns out that it is necessary to teach not only children, but also parents to play?
Yes, and once a month I meet with parents without a child to explain my approach to the game. Its essence is respect for what the child expresses. Let’s say a mother and daughter are playing shop. The girl says: «Five hundred million from you.» A mother familiar with our approach will not say: “What millions, these are toy Soviet rubles!” She will not use the game as a way to develop thinking, but will accept the rules of her daughter.
Perhaps it will be a discovery for her that the child gets a lot simply from the fact that she is around and shows interest in what he is doing. If parents play by the rules with their child for half an hour once a week, they will «work» for the child’s emotional well-being, in addition, their relationship may improve.
What scares parents about playing by your rules? What should they be prepared for?
Many parents are afraid of aggression. I explain right away that this is the only way — in the game — to legally and symbolically express feelings. And each of us has different feelings. And it is good that a child, while playing, can express them, not accumulate and carry them, like an unexploded bomb inside himself, which will explode either through behavior or through psychosomatics.
The most common mistake parents make is to interrupt therapy as soon as the symptoms begin to go away.
Often parents at the stage of acquaintance with the method are afraid of «permissiveness». “You, Elena, allow him everything, then he will do whatever he wants everywhere.” Yes, I provide freedom for self-expression, I create conditions for this. But we have a system of restrictions: we work within the allotted time, and not until the conditional Vanechka completes the tower. I warn about it in advance, I remind you five minutes before the end, a minute.
This encourages the child to reckon with realities and teaches self-government. He understands perfectly well that this is a special situation and a special time. When he indulges in «bloody showdowns» on the floor in our nursery, it just reduces the risk that he will be pugnacious outside of it. The child, even in the game, remains in reality, here he learns to control himself.
What is the age of your clients and how long does the therapy last?
Most often these are children from 3 to 10, but sometimes up to 12, the upper limit is individual. Short-term therapy is considered to be 10-14 meetings, long-term therapy can take more than a year. Recent English-language studies estimate optimal effectiveness at 36-40 sessions. The most common mistake parents make is to interrupt therapy as soon as the symptoms begin to go away. But in my experience, the symptom is like a wave, it will come back. Therefore, for me, the disappearance of a symptom is a signal that we are moving in the right direction, and we need to continue working until we are convinced that the problem is really solved.