Contents
How to survive: useful tips
Step 1
Honestly answer yourself: how many percent out of a hundred do you still hope to return the lost relationship? Take a sheet of paper and write in two columns: what you loved about your partner and what you suffered from with him. Compare where there are more points.
Step 2
Analyze the quality of your relationship. If you have been abused (psychologically, physically, financially), but at the same time want to return to your beloved, then most likely you have a psychological dependence on your ex-partner. Until you solve this problem, you will continue to let destructive partners into your life who will only bring you suffering.
“Think about what kept you in a relationship. If these are children, fear of financial insolvency or loneliness, then, first of all, it is necessary to work on issues of personal maturity, and not on the return of a partner, ”comments Natalya Legovtseva, psychologist at the Moscow Service for Psychological Assistance to the Population.
Step 3
If you still yearn for sincere love, respect and for the very personality (!) of a loved one, then openly tell him about it, without threats and manipulations. Offer to work together on those problems and grievances that have accumulated during your relationship. Seek advice from a family psychologist. That way you can at least tell yourself that you did your best. If the partner is categorical in his decision to leave, then you just have to accept his choice and start living your new, separate life.
Step 4
Accept and acknowledge the fact of separation. Do not leave room for hopes for a resumption of relations. By clinging to a partner who doesn’t love you, you’re wasting your personal energy and wasting your time.
“Sever the emotional connection. For example, independently perform the forgiveness practices that are publicly available on the Internet, or seek help from a psychologist. The main task is to accept the fact of parting, forgive, let go of the person and the situation. It is very important to work out resentment, otherwise it will take a lot of strength, health and energy. Ideally, you should feel that you are neutral towards your ex. This is important in order to be able to build harmonious relationships in the future. Otherwise, there is a risk of transferring the old load of negative experiences into a new relationship. For example, a former loved one cheated on you. If you do not work through this trauma, it is likely that in a new relationship you will broadcast baseless jealousy, ”the psychologist explains.
Step 5
Stabilize your emotional state. This can be helped by daily meditation practices, exercise and proper nutrition. The body you take care of will repay you with happy hormones. Relaxation skills can also be mastered in psychological rehabilitation sessions.
“Develop mental literacy. Read literature, attend seminars, webinars and trainings on how to come to emotional maturity and create harmonious relationships,” the psychologist recommends.
Step 6
Find an internal resource. Get away from sacrificial thinking and expecting someone to make you happy. Stop looking for love outside. Become a generator of warmth and light for yourself. Treat the most important person in your life (that’s you). Find something that you like to do, and something that will develop you, make you more confident and happier.
“For example, find a new job that fires you up, despite all the fears and restrictions. Or finally take up a hobby that you have been thinking about for a long time. Stop making excuses why you can’t do it. In this way, you will not only dispel sadness, but also get a chance to meet a person who really suits you, ”the psychologist recommends.
Step 7
Realize and accept the fact that only you are guaranteed to have yourself for the rest of your days. But here’s the paradox: when we know how to take care of ourselves, take care of ourselves, realize our value and importance, then the people around us surprisingly begin to respect us, are drawn to communication and really do not want to lose. It is from such a state – self-love, fulfillment and happiness – that you can build strong and harmonious relationships. Only by loving himself, a person is able to sincerely and deeply love another.
What not to do
Don’t look for someone to blame
Express negative feelings, share pain with loved ones, but this should not take up all the space. Your energy and attention deserve better use.
Do not try to keep your loved one with threats and manipulations.
You don’t want a person to stay with you out of fear or pity, do you?
Do not fill the inner void with one-day novels
It is necessary to give yourself time to grieve parting with a loved one and meet your inner emptiness. Many people skip this important stage, do not live through the pain, but run away from it. Unfortunately, leaving in the arms of an unloved person backfires and the emptiness only intensifies. Give yourself a period (for example, six months) when you will be in conscious loneliness. At this time, engage in the restoration of vitality, self-development.
Don’t try to numb your boredom with food, stimulants, and alcohol.
This dubious method will not bring the desired relief. After the effect of the stimulants wears off, you will need a new and new dose. As a result, the body will retaliate with the release of stress hormones, physiological dependence and excess weight. Better tune in to conscious inner work to emotionally end relationships and accept your current state.
Specialists of the Moscow Service for Psychological Assistance to the Population provide free individual consultations, as well as trainings and seminars on family relationships.
Single reference phone: +8 (499) 173-09-09.
There is a XNUMX-hour psychological emergency telephone051».