Parents and adult children

In accordance with the law, a child, having become an adult, acquired the rights of an independent citizen. This means that before children were obliged to obey their parents, now they are not. They may obey, or they may not: their right. On the other hand, children (and often parents) somehow do not understand that upon reaching the age of majority, the obligation to support these children is removed from parents. Became adults — support yourself …

Children grow up and become adults, but the relationship between parents and children does not always grow and mature. Sometimes parents continue to treat grown children from the usual position of an educator, and do not want to see them as already established people. And the children themselves do not always perceive their parents at the level of an adult. All this often creates tension in relationships between loved ones.

Should adult children follow parental covenants? The question is not simple. If the parents are wise, if both the children and those around them consider them so, then the children will always obey them. However, sometimes wisdom betrays parents. There are situations when parents are no longer right, and then their children, as fully grown and responsible people, can and should make completely independent decisions.

How can adult children build relationships with their parents? If you want to build a relationship with your parents, then consider a number of important points:

• Remember that older people are generally less likely to change, so relationships will take time to build. At the same time, all innovations should be introduced little by little, gradually.
• Usually parents consider themselves more authoritative than their children. Therefore, when building relationships, always treat them with respect, assert less, ask more and think about their words. Make them suggestions, but don’t teach them life.
• If your parents are not inclined to listen and take your words seriously, then you should use a method such as writing a letter to convey your thoughts. Parents will be much more attentive to what is written in the letter, and your words are likely to be heard.
• It is not enough to have soul-saving conversations about building family relationships and waiting for changes from the parents. It is important to create the joy and warmth of relationships on the level of simple everyday worries: kiss and praise mom, involve dad in common affairs, be the sun and the center of family activity.
• Remember: «You don’t fight with your parents.» If you disagree with your parents at all, thank them and stop arguing: stop using their help and start living completely on your own.

And once the time comes when children become completely adults, and our parents become just like children. And then we need to take care of them.

How to competently tell an adult son that I am getting married?

Son, I have a request for you. The question is important to me. I want to live with Alexei, I want him to become my husband, I want to marry him. So far, everything seems to be fine with us, but no one can say what will actually happen in life. We discussed the Family Agreement questionnaire with him, it seems that we have similar views on most issues, however, I am very worried about what will happen. I have a request to you — support me. Help me. If you manage to establish normal relations with Alexei, I will be much calmer, because God forbid you and Alexei do not have a relationship, then I just hang myself. I do not want to be alone, and without your help it will be difficult for me. Do you think we can do it together?