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The loss of a job, a difficult divorce, or the collapse of ambitious plans can be unsettling and form the habit of avoiding big decisions. If passivity becomes a habit, returning to active life becomes a difficult ordeal.
Perhaps the pressure of circumstances was too strong. Maybe at some point you felt that the whole world turned against you. You do not find the strength to fight and decide to no longer jump above your head. The past hurts, the future scares. You are trying to delay his advance. Ideally, just do nothing so that it does not get worse.
Over time, it becomes more and more difficult for you to do the most ordinary things. Others impose goals, interests, and ultimately life on you. But your life passes you by, and you start to convince yourself: maybe this is not bad. But there is no excitement and shocks.
The most dangerous thing is getting used to living in this state
When you are strong and confident, you behave differently. You are energetic, charming and intelligent. Passivity is a learned trait and can be worked with. Here are some important ideas to help make a difference.
1. Examine your fear
When we avoid activity, fear is most often behind it — the fear of failing, of not living up to our own and others’ expectations, of making ourselves look stupid. When fear develops into anxiety, it becomes difficult for us to work with it.
Try to identify specific situations in which your fear manifests itself. What is it connected with? At what point does it occur? Recording your observations in a diary will help you become more aware of your experiences and gain a sense of control over your condition.
2. Change your habits
The tendency to constantly avoid making important decisions over time is so firmly imprinted in our daily routine, our everyday actions, our vision of the world, that parting with it becomes tantamount to moving to another country.
It can be difficult to rearrange the whole routine at once. Therefore, it is better to introduce changes gradually. Plan to go to a public lecture this weekend, take a walk in the park before work, chat with your neighbor. Small «forays» into the outside world will make it closer and safer for you.
3. List Your Strengths
In a state of passivity, we easily succumb to despondency: every day we live only adds more reasons to criticize ourselves. Instead of reproach, try focusing on your strengths. It may seem to you that all your achievements are ridiculous and others will quickly expose you.
But this feeling is the result of distorted perception
Ask friends and acquaintances to describe you and say what they appreciate about you — so you can evaluate yourself more objectively. Once you’ve made your list, think about how you can improve it. Act on the basis of internal motives, and not in response to someone else’s expectations and «public opinion».
4. Learn to say «no»
Oddly enough, it is with this word that awareness begins. Passivity is avoidance of unpleasant sensations and actions that can cause them. Often, passivity becomes the result of overload, when the commitments made weigh too much and we run from them. By learning to say no, you are on the path to being honest with yourself and others and gaining control over your decisions.
5. Introduce manageable risks into your life
A common reason for the failure of those who are trying to cope with apathy is the underestimation of their capabilities. When we come out of our «lair» we are vulnerable. An attempt to unceremoniously overcome all the accumulated cases or take on global obligations can lead to a new round of self-abasement and more severe disappointment in the future.
The best option is to gradually push the boundaries of your comfort zone. Willpower is trainable, but just like with muscles, it’s important to alternate between exercise and rest.
6. Plan your activities
The feeling of success is motivating. Especially if that success can be measured or represented visually. Therefore, it is better to set yourself one goal and consistently go towards it than to be scattered over several projects.
If you are thinking of renovating an apartment, start with one of the rooms
Write down all the stages, break them down into separate small tasks that can be dealt with in one go. Get yourself a schedule and mark your progress. Each visible result will give you strength and give you a sense of control over your life.
Remember that passivity is a learned behavior. But changing it is harder if you get used to it to the point where it becomes your life strategy. The more you peer into the abyss of your imaginary worthlessness and uselessness, the more likely it is that this abyss will begin to peer into you (and take possession of you).