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– If we are mobbed, it is worth going to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist for at least one consultation. Because such experiences lead to anxiety, and these last even after a job change, says Dr. Maja Herman, a specialist psychiatrist, psychotherapist from the Medical University of Warsaw and the Amici Institute.
- Mobber uses our guilt. We start to excuse him: ‘he behaved badly, but I’ve been failing a lot lately’. A question arises: “why am I failing more and more often, and the duties that I have been dealing with so far overwhelm me?”
- Usually, sleep problems are the first – we fall asleep normally at the weekend, and from Sunday evening we get insomnia or wake up in the morning. If we dream about work, it is worth considering whether there is something bad going on in it
- Mobbing has a negative effect on mental and physical health. The immune system crashes and we start to get sick. Frequent colds, back pain. There are fractures, dislocations, and inflammations. When something affects the psyche, it affects the entire organism
- You can come to the mobber and say: “For the sake of self-respect, I’m not going to tolerate your behavior. I’m leaving. ” This is also a fight. Not in court, but for dignity
Agnieszka Sztyler: What is mobbing doing to our heads?
Dr. Maja Herman, psychiatrist: He completely mixes it up. It leads to such a chaos of thought that we lose our certainty as to what is real and what is fictional, in other words, we lose our confidence as to what is true. And we do not know ourselves whether we are being mobbed or whether something is “wrong” with us. Something like the Stockholm syndrome turns on.
It seems to us that the mobber had no option treating us badly because we deserved it?
Yes, the mobber takes advantage of our guilt. We start to justify him. We say to ourselves, “He’s been bad, but I’ve been failing a lot lately.” However, a question arises: why am I failing more and more often, and the responsibilities that I have dealt with so far overwhelm me?
The thing about stress is that it paralyzes you. And then banal things start to overwhelm us. Just like the participants of game shows – suddenly someone forgets what the capital of Spain is. It is similar at work.
If someone has the mental chaos mentioned by you, how is he to be sure that it is mobbing?
We often start to have problems with sleep – at the weekend we fall asleep normally, and from Monday we get insomnia or wake up in the morning. If we dream about work, it is worth considering whether there is something bad going on in it. If we liked our job, and now we feel anxious at the thought of it, and the sound of the phone from the boss evokes a sense of threat, then it is worth taking a closer look. Because we are probably “grilled”. This word perfectly describes the essence of mobbing. Grilling is very slow cooking and waiting for the meat to be ready. Mobber also wants the victim to be ready – to break down and slow down himself, or to start making mistakes – then the mobber will be able to get rid of her.
How to fight it?
It depends what fight we are talking about. Because when it comes to fighting in a court, it is terribly difficult. Many lawyers say they are willing to take it, but she is never pure or equal. It’s pulling hooks, a pleading fight. You have to ask yourself: ‘Which lawyers can the employer afford, and which ones do I do? How many magazines will a lawyer defending a mobber be able to produce, and how many ours? ” These are not cheap things. And the emotional costs are huge too. Whoever has been in court at least once, even as a witness and not the accused person, knows how much he will be bombarded by the opposing party. It’s difficult even for those who are in great mental shape.
You advise against?
Personally, I am usually in favor of fighting, but I can see from my patients that they are paying an awfully high price for it. This fight brings great psychological damage. That is why I advise you to fight, but in a different sense – for yourself and your dignity.
How is this supposed to work in practice?
You can come to the mobber and say: “For the sake of self-respect, I’m not going to tolerate your behavior. I’m leaving. ” This is also a fight. Not in court, but for dignity.
What if we choose to endure?
This has a negative effect on our entire body. On mental and physical health. Our immune system weakens and diseases begin to strike us. Frequent colds, back pain. There are fractures, dislocations, and inflammations. When something affects the psyche, it affects the entire organism.
How to help yourself if we don’t want to go to L-4 and we don’t have a new job?
Go to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist, because when we experience difficulties, it is important that someone from the outside looks at them.
Are friends not objective or say what we want to hear?
Yes, some people don’t have the courage to say what they think because they won’t hurt us. There may also be people in our environment who just want to kick us.
A psychiatrist or a psychologist will probably get us into therapy right away?
When it comes to mobbing, one visit is often enough. Do not be afraid that we will hear the diagnosis – mental illness and get, as it was once said – “yellow papers”.
What will we hear?
Usually the fact that we experience mobbing and what happens to us is an acute reaction to stress. When mobbing lasts longer, adaptation disorders appear, but it is still not a mental illness. When subjected to long-term strong stressors, we react more and more anxiously. It comes to the point that we become “paranoid” – we stop knowing what is a real threat and what is not, but it seems so to us under stress.
One of the mobbed people I spoke to changed jobs. No one persecuted her anymore, and she was still afraid to speak at the meeting.
These are the elements of social phobia and generalized anxiety. Under stress, cortisol and adrenaline are released – fight and flight hormones. When there is a lot of it, fear accompanies us all the time. The stress is gone, but the brain remembers that we have to be ready to hit from all directions. Any stimulus, such as a loud tap, is enough and we jump – ready to run. Therefore, most people who have been victims of mobbing need time to recover, for example on sick leave, before they go to a new job. “Work through” what happened.
How does it look like?
We learn to recognize signs that we are becoming victims again and that something bad is starting to happen with our self-esteem. And mobber is based on this. When we meet him again on our way, we can quickly say: “stop, I’m leaving.”
We are already stronger. Maybe try to hold on?
Not. Mobber may let go for a while, switch to someone else. Do we really want to work in such an environment? If we stay, we become a mobber “gang”. In order not to expose ourselves, we remain silent when he humiliates a friend.
Do we usually procrastinate?
Yes. Especially in professions of public trust, e.g. in health care, institutions related to helping. It is easy to convince someone that he endures humiliation “for the greater good.” That is why mobbing in such places is usually quiet. If patients find out that there is mobbing in the hospital, they will lose confidence in it. And people keep silent so that the noble initiative would not suffer.
If someone has endured mobbing for a long time and has already become “paranoid”, do you need to start taking drugs?
Yes, usually pharmacology is needed then.
Many psychologists tell clients that this will mask the symptoms.
Without drugs, if needed, of course, the therapeutic process will not start as it should. Strong anxiety and cognitive impairment do not allow for insight into oneself. The patient repeats something like: “I am very scared because I have anxiety. I am afraid because I am so scared. ” This looping without medication cannot be broken.
Movement of the so-called antipsychiatrists is strong though. One of its creators, a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, lost his son. The boy died because he overdosed on the psychoactive substances he was addicted to, so it can be said that he committed some kind of suicide. He was depressed and his father preached that psychiatry was harmful.
So we don’t have to be afraid of drugs?
Not. Medicines do not change personality, they only calm down and treat anxiety and depression. Of course, I’m not talking about benzodiazepines. Drugs from the SSRI group are used here. The anti-anxiety, non-addictive antidepressants have minimal side effects and are easy to stop.
It’s a myth that drugs take years to come out. Those that cannot be driven by a car and are slowed down are no longer applicable. Drugs that are popularly called “psychotropics” are drugs that act on the central nervous system. But these are not just psychiatric medications, there are plenty of everyday medications in this group, such as aviomarin. We take it in motion sickness, and yet we are not afraid that they will change our or our child’s personality.
Dr. Maja Herman, psychiatrist, psychotherapist from the Medical University of Warsaw and the Amici Institute, who deals with social psychiatry and promoting broadly understood knowledge in the field of mental health