«Marriages are made in heaven»: what does it mean?

Saying the phrase «Marriages are made in heaven», we mean the fateful union of two people: a higher power brought a man and a woman together, blessed their union and will favor them in the future.

And therefore they will live together and cheerfully, give birth and raise many happy children, meet old age together among their beloved grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I also want to add that they will surely die on the same day. In general, such an idyllic picture of a happy family life appears. After all, we all want happiness, and permanent — from beginning to end.

And if there are any difficulties, then something went wrong? Or was it a mistake in the first place? Anyone who is realistic would like to know — is this really my partner in life?

Such knowledge would provide lifelong relationship work, no matter what happens. But you can be calm, knowing that both of you are on the right track. You know, I sometimes envy Adam and Eve: they didn’t have the pain of choice. There were no other “applicants”, and mating with your own children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren is not animals, after all!

Or maybe the lack of an alternative is even a good thing? And if there are only two of you, will you sooner or later fall in love with each other? How is this, for example, shown in the movie Passengers (2016)? And at the same time, in the movie «Lobster» (2015), some characters preferred to turn into animals or even die, so as not to be paired with the unloved! So everything here is also ambiguous.

When does this phrase sound today?

Much is written about marriage in the Gospel, but I would like to highlight the following: “… that which God has combined, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6), which, in my opinion, can also be perceived as God’s will regarding marriages.

Today this postulate is pronounced most often in two cases. Or this is done by strongly religious people in order to frighten and reason with spouses (most often married) who are thinking about divorce. Or he is needed in order to relieve himself of responsibility for his choice: they say, he or she was sent to me from above, and now we are suffering, we are bearing our cross.

In my opinion, this is the logic of the opposite: since the sacrament of the wedding took place in the temple, then this marriage is from God. And here many can object to me, giving a lot of examples of how sometimes thoughtlessly, formally or even frankly hypocritically, for show, the wedding of some couples in the temple took place.

I will answer this: it is on the conscience of the couple, since priests do not have special powers to check the degree of awareness and responsibility of those who want to get married.

And if there were, then the vast majority of those who wish could be recognized as unworthy and unprepared, and as a result they would not be allowed to create a family according to church rules.

Who said that?

According to the Holy Scriptures, the first people were created and united by God himself. From here, probably, the expectation originates that all other couples are also formed not without His knowledge, participation and consent.

According to the research of the historian Konstantin Dushenko¹, the first mention of this can be found in the Midrash — a Jewish interpretation of the Bible from the XNUMXth century, in its first part — the book of Genesis («Genesis Rabbah»).

The phrase occurs in a passage describing the meeting of Isaac and his wife Rebekah: «Couples are matched in Heaven», or in another translation: «There is no marriage of a man except by the will of Heaven.»

This statement in one form or another can be found in Holy Scripture. For example, in the 19th chapter of the Book of Proverbs of Solomon: «A house and an estate are an inheritance from parents, but a wise wife is from the Lord.»

And further in the Bible one can repeatedly find references to the marriages of the Old Testament patriarchs and heroes who were «from the Lord.»

Words about the heavenly origin of unions also sounded from the lips of the heroes of literary works of the middle of the XNUMXth century and subsequently acquired various continuations and endings, mostly ironic and skeptical, for example:

• “… but they don’t care that they are successful”;
• «… but this does not apply to forced marriages»;
• «… but heaven is not capable of such a terrible injustice»;
• «… but are performed on earth» or «… but are performed at the place of residence.»

All these continuations are similar to each other: they speak of disappointment in the success of marriage, in the fact that happiness will certainly await us in it. And all because people from time immemorial have wanted and want guarantees that the miracle of mutual love will happen. And they don’t understand or don’t want to understand that this love is created in a couple, created by its participants themselves …

Today, the skepticism with which people react to the phrase «Marriages are made in heaven» is due to divorce statistics: more than 50% of unions eventually break up. But even before, when many marriages were entered into under duress or unconsciously, by chance, there were just as few happy families as they are today. Divorce was simply not allowed.

And second, people misunderstand the purpose of marriage. After all, this is not a joint carefree idyll, but a certain mission, initially unknown to us, which the couple must fulfill according to the plan of the Almighty. As they say: the ways of the Lord are inscrutable. However, later these meanings become clear to those who want to decipher them.

The purpose of marriage: what is it?

Here are the main options:

1) The most important goal, in my opinion, is when partners are given to each other for life or for a while in order to become more aware of yourself and change for the better. We become each other’s teachers or, if you like, sparring partners.

It is a pity that most often this joint path lasts only a few years. And then one or both partners reach a new level of development and functioning and, having changed, cannot live peacefully together. And in such cases, it is better to quickly recognize this and peacefully disperse.

2) To give birth and raise a unique person or for joint children to realize something important. So the ancient Israelites wanted to give birth to the Messiah.

Or, as illustrated in Life Itself (2018), parents need to “suffer” in order for their children to meet and love each other. For me, the idea of ​​this tape is this: true mutual love is so rare that it can be considered a miracle, and for the sake of this, previous generations can be strained.

3) For this marriage to change the course of history. So, for example, the wedding of Princess Margarita of Valois with Henry de Bourbon, the future King Henry IV, ended on Bartholomew’s Night in 1572.

One can cite our last royal family as an example. The people really did not like Queen Alexandra, and especially people were irritated by her disposition towards Rasputin, albeit forced, albeit because of her son’s illness. The marriage of Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna can truly be considered outstanding!

And by the strength of the mutual love of two great people, which the Empress described in her diary in 1917 (subsequently, her notes were published, I periodically re-read them and recommend them to everyone), later published under the title: “Give love” (I re-read periodically and recommend to everyone).

And in terms of significance for the history of both the country and the church (the whole family was canonized in 2000 and canonized as saints). The marriage of Peter and Fevronia, our Russian saints, carried the same mission. They left us an example of an ideal married life, Christian love and devotion.

Marriage is like a miracle

I see God’s role in creating families in that two suitable people meet. In Old Testament times, God sometimes did this directly — he announced to the spouse whom he should take as his wife.

Since then, we want to know for sure who our betrothed is and what is our purpose, having received the correct answer from above. Today, such stories also happen, it’s just that God «acts» less clearly.

But sometimes we have no doubt that some people ended up in this place and at this time solely by the will of a miracle, that only a higher power could accomplish this. How does this happen? Let me give you an example from a friend’s life.

Elena recently moved to Moscow from the provinces with two children, rented an apartment and registered on a dating site, a solid and paid one, after reading reviews on the Internet. I didn’t plan a serious relationship in the next couple of years: so, maybe get to know someone for a joint pastime.

Alexey is a Muscovite, divorced a couple of years ago. Desperate to find a girlfriend after repeated attempts to meet offline, decided to register on the same dating site after reading the same review and paying for a year in advance.

By the way, he also did not expect that he would soon meet a couple here: he thought he would flirt in correspondence and at rare one-time meetings “to obtain female libidinal energy” (he is a psychologist, you understand).

Alexey registered in the service late in the evening, and he was so overexcited by this process that he drove through his station on the train and with difficulty, late after midnight, reached the house. A few hours later, in another part of the city, the following happens.

Elena, who at that time had been unsuccessfully communicating with applicants for several weeks, suddenly wakes up at 5 in the morning, which has never happened to her before. And, not really thinking, acting on a whim, he changes the data of his profile and search parameters.

In the evening of the same day, Elena first writes to Alexei (she also never did this before), he answers almost immediately, they start a correspondence, they quickly call each other and talk for more than an hour, recognizing each other …

Every day since then, Elena and Alexei have been talking for hours, wishing each other good morning and good night, meeting on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Both have this for the first time … After 9 months they come together, and exactly one year later, on the anniversary of their acquaintance, they play a wedding.

By all the laws of physics, sociology and other sciences, they should not have met and started living together, but it happened! It is important to note that both registered on the dating site for the first time, she spent about a month on it, and he only spent a day. Aleksey, by the way, tried to return the money paid for the year, but to no avail.

And no one can prove to me that they met by chance, without the help of heaven! By the way, about a year before they met, as it turned out, there was another coincidence — they wandered on the same day through the halls of the same exhibition (she flew specially to Moscow), but then they were not destined to meet.

Their love soon passed, rose-colored glasses were removed, and they saw each other in all its glory, with all its flaws. The time for disappointment has come… And the long work of accepting each other, creating love has begun. They had and will have to go through and do a lot for the sake of their happiness.

I would like to sum up with folk wisdom: trust in God, but do not make a mistake yourself. If you want to live happily ever after, you will have to work hard on yourself and relationships. Both before marriage and in the process of living together, both independently (go to a psychologist) and together (attend family psychotherapy sessions).

Of course, it is possible without us, psychologists, but with us it is much faster and more efficient. After all, a happy marriage requires maturity, awareness, sensitivity, the ability to reflect and negotiate, development at different levels of the personality of both partners: physical, intellectual, emotional, socio-cultural and spiritual.

And most importantly — the ability to love! And this can also be learned by praying to God for the gift of Love.

¹ http://www.dushenko.ru/quotation_date/121235/