Interview with Natalia Beryazeva, source madam-internet.com
She is sitting in front of me. Does not hold back as usual. The corners of the lips drooped down. She is very tired. She doesn’t want to play anymore. No need in front of me. I am just like her. Already far from a girl who understands and accepts life without beauty. And I don’t need her glossy beauty, I see a tired woman in front of me, whom I respect immensely and even want to be like her.
I understand that it is very difficult to listen every day to the hissing of the press, young pranksters and their mockery of eternal youth, the envy of young but less talented actresses, the impatience of young singers longing for her to disappear from the stage. I understand everything and therefore immensely admire this woman who lives as she can. On full dedication.
“Please, at least you don’t ask me how I manage to look good and how many surgeries I have had. How many songs I wrote, how many roles I played — no one writes anymore, everyone is discussing my suspenders.
— I’m an actress, you know, an actress! And I still want to work. Who wants to look at an old ruin? Fortunately, I am as close as you are now, and rarely anyone sees me in such a tired state. I don’t let myself relax. Don’t ask me what it costs me. When I broke my leg and continued to act in films, it was easier for me. I was young. Now every exit is like a feat. You can’t paint over old age and you can’t make up. I can line my eyes, put on a wig, but I can’t be in full dress for a long time. I’m getting tired. And how much more I want to do!
“Well, how old are you now?” Already over 50? Are you afraid of age too? Don’t answer! We all women are the same. I want to look good, be loved, desired. And if this is not the case, then we try to realize ourselves in work, in the profession.
Do you already know how hard it is to get up in the morning sometimes? To force myself and my worn-out body to submit to willpower … No, after 50 I was still a star .. Now I would return this time. Too many forces left and leaves for struggle for a place under the sun. After all, I will simply die without a job, turn into an ordinary old woman. It’s hard to imagine it.
“Do you also think that I have become vulgar, that I don’t dress according to my age, and that I don’t live according to my age?” That I am an old and voiceless grandmother who made a name for herself 100 years ago …
Lyudmila Markovna sighs.
Yes, I won’t make it to a hundred, that’s for sure.
“And why do you need me?” Why did you drive so far? Why were you looking for a date? Do you need my support? Why mine? Just because I break out of all the ideas and stereotypes? Or do you want to make money from me?
And I tell Lyudmila Markovna that I have conceived the book of generations. That I do interviews with women who are an example for me in life. In this series, she occupies one of the first places. And not as a young performer in Carnival Night, but today, a heroic woman fighting and conquering herself, her age. It is today’s Gurchenko that interests me the most.
Yes, I never lie. I live honestly. My only female lie is the desire to deceive your body. Keep him young. This is a fight not for life, but for death. But for a woman, this is not a lie. No one blames Sophia Loren for posing nude for a magazine at her middle age too. In Italy, she is a national pride. I am often made a laughingstock.
— Why? Although I do not pay attention to what they say about me for a long time. Well, the guys from the Comedy Club, of course, have already crossed all boundaries. On the other hand, it means I’m still alive, I evoke emotions even among mockingbirds.
— Recently I read that in India there is a woman who has not aged for many, many years. She looks like a 30 year old woman. She predicts the future. More precisely, she talks about a person who comes to her for advice. There was a permanent smile on her face. It is said that light comes from it. She simply tells how a person needs to live so that he feels happy. Gives simple life advice. It means sharing your wisdom. In the East, in Asian countries, old age is respected. Because it is an invaluable experience and a hint to avoid mistakes. We respect only youth. How many talented actors died in poverty and oblivion. So my struggle for appearance is an attempt to remain not forgotten. Nobody wants my wisdom. Therefore, I do everything contrary. Age, time, trends, fashion. I need to have time to speak. Give back what God has given me. I don’t know, I probably won’t. The body stops listening to me. I’ve been raping him for too long. Old nag. Quite right.
“Forgive me for being open today. You are from afar, you are not from the metropolitan party, you are less subject to the gossip that swirls here. You have a clearer vision and a more accurate perception. You may be idealizing me, but it’s better than constantly being slandered.
You don’t ask about your daughter. About family. And rightly so. There is no need to look for the guilty here. And no one will punish me more than myself. Thank you for not judging. Yes, I made mistakes. There are situations that I would like to change. But a smart thought comes later, isn’t that what they say in Siberia? I am very impulsive, I can be unrestrained. I’m a living person. But, if you want to imitate me, then my advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Am I right?
— You know, I now have dreams, like pieces from performances. I don’t have time to write everything down in the morning. And some melodies are spinning and spinning in my head, it seems that I heard them somewhere. I call composers I know, they say, Lyudmila Markovna, this is your copyright … And here’s another song by Zemfira that haunts me. It feels like I wrote it. Where does the girl get such a powerful sense of life?
— I like to dress up. These feathers, sequins, lace. It’s so feminine. And for us, the Soviets, it is also a ban, a secret. Was. And now I like to dress up whenever possible. Maybe I bend when.
Lyudmila Markovna fell silent. Somehow I got lost in myself.
You know, — I began, — I come home to my mother in a provincial town, lost in the Baraba steppe. She is over 80 to my mother. She stays strong, doesn’t give up. Do you know what she says to me all the time? What should I mess up? I don’t go to people. Who sees me at home, who will condemn that the house is not as clean as before. None. I’m alone. But I look at Lucy, oh, she’s no longer a girl, but what is she doing on stage! Dancing, singing. After all, it’s already difficult. But I understand her. We remember her young and with a wasp waist. She is our youth. Looking at her, we also believe that we are still young. God bless her! If you meet, if you’re lucky, say so. Let her not listen to what people say bad things about her. And don’t pay any attention to young people. Live in our time..
Is that what your mom says? Thanks to her for the kind words. And wish her well. Well, we must gather strength. Reach decently to the car.
Lyudmila Markovna reached for her high-heeled shoes, which, while we were talking, were standing next to the chair.
— The leg reminds me more and more about the fracture. But when I go on stage, I hear applause — I forget everything. And I’ll go into the dressing room, and the pain immediately returns. It is better to die on stage, — Lyudmila Markovna smiles sadly. And die beautiful, in makeup, with a haircut. Yes, okay, I’ll live longer … Something I’m completely limp today. Thank you. For understanding.
Lyudmila Markovna got up from her chair. She straightened her back, adjusted the frill on her blouse. Say thank you to your mom too. For believing in me. I’ll try not to disappoint her.
She turned her back on me. The same wasp waist. The same girl from your favorite Soviet cinema.
I turned around.
— Remember! Always keep your back. If at least one stranger is watching you.
The smell of perfume, her perfume, remained in the dressing room for a long time. I sat and thought: “Well, where do our women get such strength from? Such stubbornness? Where? What kind of genes are in us that make us do what is simply unimaginable to others …
I often watch videos with the song «Want». There, together with her, those whom we love, and who have long been gone from us, are dancing. Andrey Mironov, Yuri Nikulin, Evgeny Evstigneev, Oleg Yankovsky and many others are there. Our departed stars. Now she is among them, a woman who sang and danced in spite of everyone and everything. Who wouldn’t let herself be seen weak. To me she was herself, weak and tired and looking her age. I spoke to her soul. She let go of the body for a while. But I, like my mother, will remember Lyudmila Markovna as young, mischievous, cheerful, energetic, flirtatious, windy, funny — which she was for everyone until the end of her life. Is this not an example to follow? She is my guiding star.