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Divorce can change us a lot, and many, even after many years, cannot recover from this shock. Therefore, it is so important to treat yourself carefully and carefully during this period. Experts offer five simple steps to help you adapt to a new life easier.
1. Set aside time for experiences
Taking time for yourself is an important part of the process of adapting to free-floating. Even if you have children, taking care of them is no excuse for not having enough resources for yourself. “What looks like inactivity on the outside is actually an important inner work of self-healing,” says Natalya Artsybasheva, a Gestalt therapist. – It’s pointless to push yourself. It is important to peer into yourself, notice your needs and successes: “Oh, today I didn’t cry for the first time!” So you definitely will not miss the moment when sad experiences are replaced by new energy and a desire to live.
If you are feeling sad right now, you should have time to accept and process what is happening. Take a walk in the park, spend the evening in an armchair with a cup of tea, alone with your thoughts, write in a diary. It is important not to hide, but to live your states. And at the same time, it is necessary to mark the boundaries of this process: I give myself this time for experiences and return to my usual affairs. But tomorrow I will again give my feelings their due time and attention.”
2. Step forward
It is pointless to try to forget your whole life with someone with whom you had a close relationship. Attempts to erase the past from memory and devalue it will only result in the fact that it will keep you even more captive. It takes time to go through all the stages of mourning. At the same time, it is important not to start living in the memory of the past. How to understand what happened?
“In this case, the experience of loss becomes a “lifestyle” and begins to lead away from reality,” explains Natalya Artsybasheva. – For example, if the divorce happened a long time ago, and you still wear a wedding ring, keep the things of the former and try not to tell anyone about the breakup. Or if anger at your spouse goes beyond reasonable limits: you begin to actively hate all men, readily join discussions on this topic in social networks, find a company of like-minded people, and so on.
Feelings of guilt can lead to overprotective care of children in order to “compensate” for the harm allegedly caused by divorce. Overflowing resentment can make you an eternally sick and complaining victim, stalking an ex and terrorizing acquaintances.
3. Do not forget about physical activity
“The process of divorce and separation is often accompanied by emotional depression – we intuitively want to save energy. Nevertheless, it is important right now to include physical activity in your daily routine in order to help you take a sober look at what is happening, make informed decisions and, no matter how hard it is, begin to see the positive aspects of life again, says psychologist Alex Riddle. – It’s not about intense training or long-hour marathons, especially if you didn’t like sports before. Set yourself challenging tasks that bring you pleasure.
Even half an hour of daily exercise will have a beneficial effect on your psychological state. It can be walking before going to bed, dancing, yoga. The main thing is that classes are regular and bring you joy.
4. Put things in order in financial affairs
If you and your partner used to share a budget and are accustomed to discussing large expenses, the new realities of financial life can be daunting. “If your partner was earning more, you will inevitably face the fact that your material security will be shaken,” warns Alex Riddle. Until you can reach the same level of income on your own, you need to change your habits and lifestyle. Divorce should not be a reason to take loans, otherwise you risk becoming even more financially dependent.”
5. Get involved in communication
You have lost a loved one and you need to make up for it. “Yes, it is important to give yourself time to be alone with your feelings,” admits Natalya Artsybasheva. “But we are social beings, and isolation is bad for us. It may be too early to start new close relationships, but you can get the feeling of “your pack” on a hike, and in dance classes, and in volunteer work, and in many other places. The main thing is not to isolate, but to maintain a healthy balance.”