It often seems to us that those who, for one reason or another, do not have a family suffer from loneliness. But living alone is not the same as being lonely. Quite the opposite: in our time, it is these people who communicate more with friends and relatives.
In the XNUMXst century, people feel more alone than ever before. This is the conclusion reached by the authors of a recent study conducted in the United States. Moreover: today loneliness has become an epidemic.
It is generally accepted that those who live alone have no one to turn to in difficult times. In the study, the authors included both those who live alone and those who feel lonely as participants. It turned out that you can feel loneliness even in marriage.
Social activity is the “horse” of loners
But that’s not all: it turns out that single people, especially those who have been single for a long time, are well socialized and very active.
Another study involving 300 subjects from 000 countries showed that widowers and widowers, divorced and never married, meet friends 31% more often than married people. The fact is that often people who have chosen marriage become isolated within their family, break ties with friends and relatives, and therefore feel more lonely.
Being alone and feeling alone are not the same thing. But both are hallmarks of our time.
Loneliness is a separate problem that should not be confused with the choice of status: get married / get married or live alone. Moreover, sometimes it can be a good solution.
John Cascioppo, author of Loneliness, states: “Being alone and feeling alone are not the same thing. But both are hallmarks of our time. Those who prefer solitude still seek relationships: they are driven by guilt. However, they experience even more guilt when they finally get married. Being happy alone is just as right as looking for happiness in a couple.
Is being alone the right decision?
A comparison of the behavior of couples in 1980 and 2000 showed that couples in the 2000 model, in contrast to couples in 1980, communicate less with friends and are less socially active. But modern unmarried people are better socially adapted. The loneliest in our time are married people, and not singles who keep in touch with friends.
This means that an increase in the number of people choosing not to enter into a relationship is hopeful, not alarming, because it is easier for them to maintain social connections.
Previously, the family was the cornerstone of the support system, but over time there has been a shift towards the formation of a “communion of the lonely”. Friendship is a source of strength for such people, and the support that was previously received in the family now comes from other people with whom communication can be no less close. “I have quite a lot of friends with whom I communicate almost every day,” says 47-year-old Alexander.
This type of relationship is also preferred by those who want to be alone at the end of the day. Such people return home after a party with friends, and all they need is peace and quiet in order to regain balance.
In Europe and America, more than 50% of young people say they do not plan to get married or get married
“I spent 17 years completely alone. But I wasn’t lonely,” recalls 44-year-old Maria. – When I wanted, I talked with friends, but this did not happen every day. I enjoyed being alone.”
The problem, however, is that many still believe that such people are asocial. This, for example, is evidenced by the results of a study in which 1000 students took part. Not surprisingly, they themselves believe stereotypes about themselves.
Be that as it may, loners do not behave in the way that is expected of them. In another study, subjects aged 50 and over were asked to talk about their relationships with family and friends. More than 2000 people took part in the study, and it took almost six years. The subjects were divided into three groups: those who live alone, those who have been in a relationship for less than three years, and those who have been dating someone for more than four years. It turned out that loners spend more time with friends, family, buddies and neighbors.
In Europe and America, more than 50% of young people say they do not plan to get married or get married, and for good reason. And most importantly, this is not scary: on the contrary, if there are more singles in the world, we may have hope for the best. Maybe we will begin to help others more, communicate with friends and become more actively involved in social life.
About the Author: Eliakim Kislev is a PhD in Sociology and the author of Happy Solitude: On Growing Acceptance and Welcome to the Solo Life.