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Emotions — both positive and negative — can spread like a virus among our environment. This fact has been repeatedly confirmed by various studies. Psychotherapist Donald Altman tells how to become happier by building social connections correctly.
Do you often feel lonely, abandoned? Do you feel like your relationship no longer makes sense? “If so, then you are not alone,” assures psychotherapist and former Buddhist monk Donald Altman. “In fact, about 50% of people experience loneliness and about 40% believe that their relationship has lost its meaning.” Moreover: only half of humanity can fully talk with someone significant and important.
An epidemic of loneliness
The American World Health Organization Cigna conducted a study involving more than 20 thousand people and found a real «epidemic» of loneliness in the United States. At the same time, generation Z turned out to be the loneliest (age — from 18 to 22 years), and representatives of the “Great Generation” (72+) experience this feeling the least.
In the fight against loneliness, the focus of a person is his life balance — full sleep, physical activity and connections with other people. But since this is a complex issue, Altman suggests diving deeper into the topic and reading up on research into how social life affects emotional life.
Emotions spread like a virus
Harvard Medical School professor Nicholas Christakis and University of California natural and social science professor James Fowler have studied social ties as «chains» of happiness.
The scientists tested the connections of more than 5000 people who were also participants in another project that researched cardiovascular disease. The project was founded in 1948, and the second generation of its members joined in 1971. Thus, the researchers were able to observe the network of social contacts for several years, which expanded several times due to the separation of each participant.
The study showed that the negative factors — obesity and smoking — spread through the «network» of acquaintances in the same way as happiness. Researchers found that hanging out with happy people increased our own happiness by 15,3%, and increased our chances by 9,8% if the happy person was a close friend.
Even when life gets out of hand, making us even more alone, we can make an effort to make a difference.
Donald Altan reminds us that intimacy is a significant aspect of happiness. Having a happy friend or relative around will not help you become happier if they live in another city. Only personal, living contact helps to «spread» this feeling. And even communication on the Internet or on the phone does not work as effectively as a face-to-face meeting.
Here are the main results of the studies cited by the psychologist:
- life balance is very important — as well as personal communication;
- emotions can spread like a virus;
- loneliness is not permanent.
He added the last point based on the belief that loneliness is largely based on our behavior and lifestyle, which can be changed. Even when life spirals out of control, leaving us even lonelier, we can make an effort to make a difference, including making meaningful choices about the environment that greatly influences our state of happiness.
Three steps from loneliness to happiness
Altman offers three simple and powerful ways to bring balance to life and meaning to relationships.
1. Regulate your emotions according to the present moment
If you don’t have balance inside, then you won’t be able to establish good contact with others. Engage in meditation or mindfulness practices to train yourself to focus your mind on the here and now.
2. Set aside time every day for personal communication.
Video communication, of course, is very convenient, but it is not suitable for full-fledged personal communication with a person significant to you. “Take a digital break and spend 10-15 minutes having a good old meaningful conversation,” Altman advises.
Observe how your environment — from media to real people — affects your emotional state. One strategy for building positive connections is to share uplifting stories with other people. By doing this, you will be more selective every day, looking at the world around you in a good way.
“Try this practice and you will notice how three simple steps over time will relieve you of feelings of loneliness and bring meaningful relationships into your life,” summarizes Donald Altman.
About the author: Donald Altman is a psychotherapist and author of a number of books, including the bestseller Reason! Awakening the wisdom to be here and now.”