When recovering from a traumatic attachment and after breaking up a toxic relationship, it is important to completely cut off contact with a person who was close to you in order to protect yourself. The complete cessation of communication makes it possible to heal spiritual wounds, survive the bitterness of loss and end dependence on this person.
“Disconnecting gives you a great opportunity to stop thinking about the other person and focus entirely on yourself and your well-being,” says psychotherapist Shari Stines. The advice to «stop talking» is most often heard when it comes to relationships with narcissists or other emotionally aggressive individuals.
At some point, you realize that it’s time to do it. As soon as you step back from all the madness associated with communicating with this dysfunctional person, your thoughts will begin to clear up and you will gradually feel better.
In toxic relationships, we often get emotional wounds. This person knows our weaknesses, knows how we are arranged and how we can be provoked. It’s nearly impossible to keep in touch with an ex who knows you so well without suffering from their toxicity.
Breaking contact is usually a last resort. Most people in unhealthy relationships are reluctant to do so, and for several reasons. The main thing is that such relationships often cause a real addiction — the victim hopes to someday fix everything. She is kept in a relationship by feelings of duty and guilt, hope, various needs and requirements, and a lack of understanding of the real situation.
What does «severing all contact» mean?
Set Internal Limits
Don’t let thoughts of a dysfunctional partner take over your mind. Stop thinking about him, communicating with him, your feelings for him, do not think about how to fix everything. If you find yourself having fantasies about how you would like your relationship to be, stop and switch to something else. For anything. The cessation of contacts occurs not only on the physical, but also on the mental level.
Blacklist him on all social networks, phones, mailboxes
Don’t let him contact you.
Avoid those who continue to communicate with him
Third parties are often embedded in unhealthy relationships. If you hang out with friends of your ex, curiosity can get the better of you. It is not far from here to the resumption of communication, and the point of breaking contact is to make it impossible.
It will be much easier to follow this rule if you stop talking about it with anyone at all.
By fully working through all the memories, both joyful and difficult, you can let that person out of your life.
Feel the grief and pain that this relationship has brought to you.
In a toxic relationship, traumatic attachment often occurs, especially if your partner, sometimes quite unpredictably, has shown you love, care, and tenderness. Having fully experienced and felt your grief, you will break this attachment. It can be helpful to write down your relationship experiences, both positive and negative..
List in your mind everything for which you loved him, everything for which you hated him, and everything that you now lack. Having fully emotionally worked through all the memories, both joyful and difficult, you can mentally let go of this person from your life, he will no longer have power over you. This will allow you to leave the past in the past and move on.
Take control of your life again
Toxic personalities often try to manipulate others. They seem to intuitively feel how to overcome the resistance of the victim. If you realize that you have at least partially fallen under the control of such a person, it is important to make a conscious decision to take back control of your life.
Don’t let it dictate the course of your life, make you feel guilty or obligated, or generally influence the decisions you make in any way.
Breaking contact with a «toxic» person can be compared to a complete rejection of alcohol or drugs. It’s hard work
Don’t give in to the emotions associated with this person.
You need to emotionally detach from him and consciously control the feelings about the relationship. If thoughts about him cause anger, sadness, hope, pain, tell yourself: “stop.” Try to notice the moments when this happens and remind yourself that it is not worth wasting emotional energy on this relationship anymore. It’s time to get away from him, literally and figuratively.
Cut ties with him
Mentally imagine how you break the attachment to him. Imagine that you are leaving the «playground» where this person stays, to another, with other «games» and other people. Imagine opening your arms as you let go of the person you once loved. Now you are both free from each other.
Start looking ahead to the future
Try to avoid even pleasant memories of past relationships. Invest time and energy in solving urgent problems, build healthy relationships that bring you joy. Stop trying to fix what is hopelessly broken!
“Severing contact with a “toxic” person can be compared to a complete rejection of alcohol or drugs. This is hard work. You have to go through a kind of «withdrawal syndrome» or withdrawal. But after about a month, these symptoms will begin to subside. Give yourself time and remember that refusing to communicate with a «toxic» partner is a manifestation of self-love, ”explains Shari Stines.