As you know, any situation — including a work one — has at least three solutions: accept, leave, or try to change something. But what if the source of the problem is your boss? It’s unlikely that you can change your boss, but you can learn to react differently to him and gradually influence, if not his personality, then at least his behavior, says coach Yulia Burlakova.
Is your boss a master of provocation? Does he manipulate employees by any means in his game? Or maybe he enthusiastically proposes stunning ideas, but soon becomes disillusioned with them, and at the same time with you as a performer? Your first step is to identify the type of toxic behavior you have to deal with, and then begin to consciously confront it.
Despot
Is he: humiliates, unsettles, provokes, manipulates, frightens.
We: we experience anxiety. We do not know who will get it, when and why.
What can he do: act threatening or harass. Or — to pretend to flatter in order to get your way, to impersonate a victim, causing employees to feel guilty. Its toxicity is enhanced if the organizational structure allows for such behavior.
Tip: if this is a real tyrant with traits of a psychopath or a sociopath, then the best way out is to quickly look for another job: it is dangerous to be around such people. If the case is not so difficult, try to take an adult position in such a relationship, without entering into a power relationship. Ask yourself questions: what do I want now? Why is this important to me? How will I know that I have achieved this? Speak accurately and to the point: “I will lead this project in this way”; “The first goal is…”; “The budget is…”; «Are there any questions?» Try to maintain emotional stability, no matter what happens. And be sure to make agreements in writing.
«Mission Impossible»
Is he: everything is confusing. The reason for this behavior is a lack of organization. Where he is, chaos reigns.
We: We feel like we are being sabotaged. He doesn’t seem to trust us.
What can he do: intervene in the solution of tasks assigned to the employee, and set several tasks for him at once. Job functions, areas of responsibility and rights to decisions are not clearly defined, and it is not clear what he expects.
Tip: it is necessary to clearly set limits for him, in a certain sense to become a manager to his manager. Record all agreements in writing, put them in digital form: “Until I put it in an excel spreadsheet and send it to you, I won’t start working.” It is important to appeal to figures and documents. If he announces: «There will be a garden city here!» — ask specific questions: “OK, what is the budget and time frame?” Do not rush to the embrasure, having heard his next idea, but explain: this is not in my job description. If you do not have decision-making authority on a case you are assigned to handle, abdicate your responsibility in writing by asking your supervisor what needs to be done—and be sure to send copies of the message to all concerned.
emotionally unstable
Is he: too emotionally involved. He has everything «over»: super-entrepreneurship, ambition, hard work, emotionality, tolerance. Or, on the contrary, overcontrol. He also has an unstable mood, sometimes he is very touchy and suspicious.
We: at first we feel enthusiasm, and then fatigue, distrust, resentment.
What can he do: greet a new employee with joy, and then suddenly be disappointed in him. He is alternately enthusiastic, anxious, frustrated, disappointed.
Tip: stay away from him and focus on your goals. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t meet all of his expectations. Ask him to formulate the requirements in writing. Reduce his «overexcitement» by staying open to his ideas but asking him specific questions to make his plan more realistic without contradicting him or trying to teach him a lesson. For example, say: “Your idea is good, but how much money and time do we have to implement it?”
Unfriendly
Is he: very annoyed by some part of your personality.
We: We think that he condemns us.
What can he do: nervous, impatient, angry at or avoiding certain people.
Tip: Don’t take aggression personally. Try to look at what is happening from the side. When your boss gets irritated because he wants to be right, tell him in a persuasive tone that he is right. This will calm him down. Do not compete with him, consider his point of view.
Reflect on the situation from a psychotherapeutic position: what makes him so angry? What emotional needs are not being met? Notice what situations cause him stress, and try not to cause them. Also work on your own intolerance.