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“If we know ourselves, we will understand others better”
Alfredo Sanfeliz
The writer Alfredo Sanfeliz publishes “Finally I understand myself” a book in which he seeks to explain why we are the way we are
Alfredo Sanfeliz “has not invented gunpowder”, or so he says, but he assures that it is not what he intends. The writer, with a long business career behind him, what he seeks is to help us understand why we are the way we are; how human series work. For this he publishes “Finally I understand myself” (Kiloma Books), a book that, in itself, does not have a scientific dissemination mission; seeks to contribute to a better knowledge and understanding of the phenomena that determine the functioning of humans.
The author is clear that there are no magic formulas to improve our inner well-being, but that self-knowledge is key to this. About this self-knowledge, the importance of questions and how our subconscious works, the author talks with ABC Bienestar, to explain, or at least try, how all the grays that surround our life work.
Should we be students of ourselves?
We are the only ones who manage our life, and therefore we must know each other in order to take care of ourselves. For example, if you have a plant, you should know if it needs sun, how much water it requires, what type of soil … and with human beings it is the same. We do not have anyone to water us, we must be the ones who make the decisions, and for this we must know each other, know what helps us and what does not.
Knowing each other well is the first step to managing ourselves. And if we have good self-control, we will be able to understand others better; We all have peculiarities and we are “very ours”, and only by knowing our differences can we be understanding with others.
So where does the importance lie, in understanding how human beings function in general or how we function ourselves?
I treat the subject in the first person, from the title of the book – “I finally understand myself” – but in reality it is a generic one that the way to understand humanity is to begin by understanding ourselves. We are full of peculiarities, but at the same time we have common patterns: the search for happiness, well-being …
What is more important today, the domain of reason or feelings and empathy for others?
It depends on what scope. In the scientist, that of the data, the reason is fundamental and is the only criterion to reach the truth. On the other hand, in our social dynamics we insist on using reason (and having it) when there are times when feelings must prevail.
In conflict management, for example, you often have to park reason and rename a conversation. Many times we associate reason with superiority, and it is absurd to insist on having it, many times at the cost of your quality of life. The reason must be an ally in the service of something; our allies must be emotions.
Is it important to ask ourselves the “why”?
It is not so much that it is important, but that it is inevitable. What characterizes the human being, beyond consciousness or memory, is mental restlessness. We constantly ask ourselves questions, we question everything, this is wonderful because it is our most protective tool, an energy for survival. But at the same time it is a bit torturous, it takes away your peace and calm. If you think of an animal, it can have a peace and fullness that we only achieve with meditation to be able to quiet our mind.
How important is the will in our life?
I believe that the will is like the gasoline in a car: it is what allows us, when everything goes well, to get where we want. The will is an energy that, throughout life, helps us to reach our goals, what we want.
In the book you say that the unconscious is a learning machine, why do you consider it that way?
It is easy to explain it with an example: if you drive, there comes a time that it becomes an almost automatic process. The same thing happens when you get on an escalator: your body adjusts to a new speed without you noticing. Our unconscious guides us. If someone throws keys at you, you react very quickly to grab them.
Although in the most serious and important decisions we meditate more about what to do, a first impression always remains on us, something that sometimes leads us to lean towards one thing and another and we do not know why. In general, any decision we make is so conditioned by our beliefs and our past experience, that when one makes a decision, you are not able to reason why you prefer one thing or another.
He quotes Carl Gustav Jung in the book: “Until the unconscious becomes conscious, the subconscious will continue to guide your life and you will call it destiny.” Is this, in some way, the summary of the idea of understanding ourselves?
It is a good definition, if you notice that you know yourself, and understand what forces, passions and fears move you, stop being unconscious and you can face yourself. This allows you to be more free; people with a high level of consciousness are more in control of themselves.