How to wean a child to sleep in a parent’s bed

Baby in parent’s bed. Good or bad?

“My baby is 5 months old. We sleep in the same bed as a family: me, husband and child. Many parents do not advise me to do this. They say that by accustoming the baby to sleep with us, we ourselves create a problem for ourselves in the future, when we still have to wean him from this. Do you think a child should sleep in the same bed as their parents?

There is still fierce debate about co-sleeping to this day: some pediatricians and psychologists say that it is harmful for both the child and parents, others say that it helps to keep in touch with the baby. In my opinion, everything is purely individual. If you want to sleep with your child and this does not violate the harmony of marital relations — sleep.

Co-sleeping of a small child with parents is acceptable for several reasons:

1. For the nine months that the baby spent in his mother’s stomach, he got used to the rhythm of her breathing, to her heartbeat. To feel safe, the child needs to hear and feel the usual sounds, to feel his mother’s smell.
2. In bed with parents, the child sleeps better and calmer, wakes up less often, which means that parents have the opportunity to sleep on their own.
3. Nature arranged the mother’s body in such a way that the proximity of the child contributes to the release of milk, and the baby has the opportunity to breastfeed even at night, when he wants and how much he wants.
4. Co-sleeping allows a mother to maintain a natural bond with her baby. Close emotional contact with the mother in the first year of life is the main condition for the harmonious development of the crumbs.
5. Children who spend the first few years in their parent’s bed are less afraid of the dark and tend to fall asleep more easily.
6. Modern parents see so little with their crumbs that you should use the slightest opportunity to communicate. Tactile contact for a small child is the same full-fledged communication as affectionate words.
7. If the parents make a joint decision to take the baby to their bed, they must find a way for their sex life to proceed the way they want, but not to cause inconvenience to the child.
8. Parents should take care in advance that the child learns to sleep on his own and that sleeping in a separate bed does not become a punishment for him.
9. Start gradually weaning your child from co-sleeping at the age of 2-3 years, if he himself does not require this earlier.

It can hardly be doubted that in the first four weeks, and also in winter, the child will gain weight better if he is put in bed with his mother, where he will warm her with warmth, than in a separate bed. (A. Kom «Child care», 1840)

How to wean a child to sleep in a parent’s bed

“My son was born a very anxious and restless child. He often woke up at night, trembled and cried. To get him to sleep, I had to take the baby into our marital bed. The husband has always been negative about this, and now he simply insists on moving the child to a separate bed. I am afraid that such stress can harm the baby, he will start again at night, but, on the other hand, I can no longer refuse my husband. What to do?»

It is necessary to wean the child to sleep in the parent’s bed gradually. It is better if this process begins at the age of 2-3 years. It is this period that corresponds to the crisis of independence, when the child declares his rights, and therefore, is able to fulfill certain duties. Has your little one said “I am myself” and repeats this quite often? Make a conclusion: it’s time to sleep separately! In this matter, the main thing is patience and desire.

1. Parents should take care in advance that the child can sleep on his own and that sleeping in a separate bed is normal for him. For example, during the daytime sleep, the baby can be laid alone.
2. Be sure to follow the child’s daily routine. During the period of weaning, there should be no major changes in the life of the child.
3. Take a large soft toy with you to bed and begin to constantly put it between you and the child, accustoming him to a physical barrier between you. You can take a soft toy backpack and put a heating pad inside, then the child will feel warm and get used to this toy faster. You sleep next to each other, but no longer together.
4. Place a crib or sofa next to your bed, gradually move the child to his area along with a soft toy. Every time the baby wakes up or grunts, pet him and say a few kind words to him, giving him the opportunity to calm down. Press a toy with a heating pad against the back.
5. After some time, start moving the crib away: first put, for example, a nightstand between your bed and the child’s bed, then move the crib to the opposite wall, and then move it to another room altogether.
6. Be prepared for the fact that the process of accustoming to independent sleep can take several months.
7. If your child is 3-4 years old and still sleeps in a marital bed, it is worth considering whether everything is fine in your family. Sometimes parents leave their child to sleep with them to avoid intimacy. Then the baby, as it were, helps not to notice marital problems. In these cases, the solution of the issue of resettlement of the child is greatly complicated. These two issues should not be confused. Try to sort out your relationship with your spouse without using your child as a front. At this age, it is time for him to sleep on his own.
8. When moving your baby to a separate room and to a separate bed, think about how he will feel in the new conditions. Try to buy beautiful bedding with him, install an elegant night light, etc. Turn his relocation into a holiday.
9. Be prepared for the fact that the child will come to you for the first time. In these cases, use the step-by-step instruction:

— If the child came to you for the first time, hug, kiss him, say a few kind and affectionate words, but take him to his bed and cover him with a blanket. Exit the room.

— Second time: hug, kiss, but no longer talk to the child. Take him to his bed and cover him with a blanket. Exit the room.

— Third time: do not hug or kiss, do not talk to the child. Just take him to his bed and cover him with a blanket. Exit the room.

— You may need to repeat this at least 10 times during the night. Do not get annoyed, do not show your child your fatigue. Be patient and finish what you started. Success depends only on you.

— The child will sleep in a separate bed as soon as he realizes that the parents no longer intend to deviate from their decision.