When disability upsets siblings
The birth of a disabled child, psychological or physical, necessarily influences the daily family. Habits have changed, the climate is busy … Often at the expense of the sick person’s brother or sister, who is sometimes forgotten.
“The birth of a disabled child is not just a parent’s business. It also concerns brothers and sisters, having an impact on their psychic construction, their way of being, their social identity and their future ” explains Charles Gardou *, director of the department of educational sciences at the University of Lyon III.
It is difficult to realize the possible discomfort of your child. To protect his family, he wallows in silence. “I wait until I am in my bed to cry. I don’t want to make my parents even sadder ”, says Théo (6 years old), brother of Louise, suffering from Duchenne muscular dystrophy (10 years old).
The first upheaval is not the handicap, but the suffering of the parents, perceived as a shock for the child.
In addition to fearing to overload the family climate, the child considers his sentence secondary. “I refrain from talking about my problems at school, because my parents are already sad, with my sister. Anyway, my problems, they are less important ”, says Théo.
Outside the house, suffering remains unspoken. The feeling of being different, the fear of attracting pity and the desire to forget what is happening at home, push the child not to confide in his little friends.
Fear of abandonment
Between medical consultations, washing and meals, the attention paid to the little patient is sometimes tripled compared to the time spent with the rest of the siblings. The eldest will feel this “abandonment” more since before birth, he alone monopolized the attention of his parents. The rupture is as brutal as it is precocious. So much so that he will think he is no longer the object of their love … Question your parental role: you have to know how to position yourself in the face of disability, and as parents available to other children …
* Brothers and sisters of disabled people, Ed. Erès