Harmful Stamps: When Sincerity and Thoughtfulness Work Better

Stamps have taken root in the language so precisely because they originally contained a grain of truth. But they were repeated so many times and on so many occasions that the truth was “erased”, only words remained that no one really thought about. So it turns out that the stamp is like a dish to which a gram of salt was added, but it did not become salty because of this. Stamps are far from truth, and if used thoughtlessly, they confuse thoughts and ruin any discussion.

“Motivating” stamps that cause addiction

Many people use stamps to cheer themselves up, set them up for a new day, and motivate them to accomplish. Among the most popular are the following phrases.

1. “Be part of something bigger”

Why do we need such encouraging words, do they really help to achieve something? Today, tired phrases occupy a huge part of the Internet space and become advertising slogans, and therefore one should not underestimate the dependence of people on this type of motivation. Television, print, and social media are focused on serving the so-called future successful people and maintaining their belief in instant success.

2. “Be positive, work hard, and everything will work out”

Sometimes it really seems that a motivating phrase, advice is exactly what we need. But such a need can be associated with self-doubt and immaturity of consciousness, with the desire to get everything at once and instantly achieve success. Many of us want someone to tell us how and what to do. Then we have faith that tomorrow we will do something incredible and change our lives.

Alas, this usually does not happen.

3. “One has only to get out of the comfort zone – and then …”

It is impossible to say unequivocally what is right for you, what “works” for you, and what does not. You know better than anyone when to go off the straight path, when to change your life, and when to lie low and wait it out. The problem with stamps is that they are for everyone, but you are not for everyone.

So it’s time to end the addiction to a daily dose of motivational phrases. Instead, read good books and take your goals seriously.

“Motivating” stamps that mislead us

Keep in mind: some stamps not only do not benefit, but also harm, forcing you to strive for what is impossible or not necessary to achieve.

1. “Mind your own business and don’t care what others think”

You can find a lot of variations of this expression, thoroughly saturated with ostentatious self-confidence. Often for those who use this cliché, it’s just a pose. At first glance, the phrase is good, convincing: independence is worthy of praise. But if you look closely, some problems become apparent.

The fact is that a person who disregards the opinions of others and declares this openly is just very interested in being considered independent and independent. Anyone who makes such a claim is either going against their natural inclinations or simply lying. We humans are only able to survive and develop within a well-organized group. We must take into account what others think, because we depend on relationships with them.

From birth, we depend on the care and understanding that significant adults give us. We communicate our desires and needs, we need company and interaction, love, friendship, support. Even our sense of self depends on the environment. Our image of ourselves is born through the group, the community, the family.

2. “You can be whoever you want. You can do everything”

Not really. Contrary to what we hear from fans of this stamp, no one can be anyone, achieve everything they want, or do whatever they want. If this cliché were true, we would have unlimited abilities and no limits at all. But this simply cannot be: without certain boundaries and a set of qualities, there is no personality.

Thanks to genetics, environment and upbringing, we get certain reactions peculiar only to us. We can develop “within” them, but we are unable to go beyond them. No one can be a first-class jockey and a heavyweight champion boxer at the same time. Anyone can dream of becoming president, but few become heads of state. Therefore, it is worth learning to want the possible and strive for real goals.

3. “If our efforts help to save at least one child, they are worth it”

At first glance, this statement seems humanistic. Of course, every life is priceless, but reality makes its own adjustments: even if the desire to help knows no limit, our resources are not unlimited. When we invest in one project, others automatically “sag”.

4. “All’s well that ends well”

Part of our personality is responsible for the here and now, and part for memories, processing and accumulation of experience. For the second part, the result is more important than the time spent on it. Therefore, a long painful experience that ended in pleasure is “better” for us than a short painful episode that ended badly.

But at the same time, many situations that end well, in fact, do not carry anything good in themselves. Our part responsible for memory does not take into account the time that has been irretrievably lost. We remember only the good, but meanwhile the bad ones took years that cannot be returned. Our time is limited.

For example, a man served 30 years for a crime he did not commit, and when he got out, he received compensation. It seemed like a happy ending to an unhappy story. But 30 years have disappeared, you can’t get them back.

Therefore, what is good from the very beginning is good, and a happy ending can not always make us happy. On the contrary, sometimes what ends badly brings such valuable experience that it is then perceived as something good.

Phrases to stop repeating to kids

Many parents can remember phrases they were told as children that they hated but continue to repeat as adults. These clichés are annoying, confusing, or sound like an order. But, when we are tired, angry or feeling powerless, these memorized phrases are the first to come to mind: “Because I said so (a)!”, “If your friend jumps from the ninth floor, will you jump too?” and many others.

Try to abandon the cliché – perhaps this will help you to establish contact with the child.

1. “How was your day?”

You want to know what the child was doing all the time you were gone because you are worried about him. Parents ask this question very often, but very rarely receive an intelligible answer to it.

Clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel recalls that the child had already lived through a difficult day before he came home, and now he must account for everything he did. “Perhaps a lot of troubles have happened, and the child does not want to remember them at all. School tests, quarrels with friends, hooligans in the yard – all this is exhausting. “Reporting” to parents about how the day went can be perceived as another task.

Instead of “How was your day”? say, “I was just thinking about you when…”

Such a wording, oddly enough, will be much more effective, it will help to start a conversation and learn a lot. You show what you thought about the child when he was not around, create the right atmosphere and give you the opportunity to share something important.

2. “I’m not angry, just disappointed”

If your parents told you this as a child (even if in a quiet and calm voice), you yourself know how terrible it is to hear this. In addition, there is much more anger hidden in this phrase than in the loudest cry. The fear of disappointing your parents can be a heavy burden.

Instead of “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed,” say, “It’s hard for me and you, but together we can do it.”

With this phrase, you show that you understand why the child made the wrong choice, you sympathize with him, worry about him, but you want to figure everything out with him. Such words will help the child open up, without fear of being guilty of everything.

You offer him an effective plan of joint action, reminding him that you are a team, not a judge and a defendant. You seek to find a solution, and not procrastinate the problem, drowning in resentment and pain, which will not benefit either you or the child.

3. “Until you eat everything, you won’t leave the table!”

The wrong attitude on the part of parents to nutrition issues can subsequently lead to all sorts of problems in adult children: obesity, bulimia, anorexia. Healthy eating behavior in children is a difficult task for parents. They, unwittingly, give the child the wrong instructions: they demand to finish everything on the plate, consume a certain number of calories, chew food 21 times, instead of allowing the child to listen to himself and his body.

Instead of: “Until you eat everything, you won’t leave the table!” say: “Are you full? Want more?”

Give your child the opportunity to learn to pay attention to their own needs. Then, in adulthood, he will not overeat or starve himself, because he will get used to listening to himself and controlling his body.

4. “Money doesn’t grow on trees”

Most kids are constantly asking for something: a new Lego, a pie, the latest phone. With a categorical statement, you block the way for dialogue, deprive yourself of the opportunity to talk about how money is earned, how to save it, why it should be done.

Instead of “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” say, “Plant a seed, take care of it, and you’ll have a rich harvest.”

The attitude to money is brought up in the family. Children watch you handle money and copy after you. Explain that if the child refuses a donut now, he can put this money in a piggy bank and then save up for a bicycle.

5. “Well done! Great job!”

It would seem, what’s wrong with praise? And the fact that such words can form in a child the feeling that he is good only when he succeeds, and instill in him a fear of any criticism, because if you are criticized, then they do not like you.

At the same time, parents can abuse this kind of praise, and children will generally stop paying attention to it, perceiving it as ordinary words.

Instead of: “Well done! Great job!” just show you’re happy.

Sometimes sincere joy without words: a happy smile, hugs means much more. Growth expert psychologist Kent Hoffman claims that children are very good at reading body language and facial expressions. “Rehearsed, routine phrases do not imply genuine admiration, and children need it,” says Hoffman. “So use body language to express admiration, pride, and joy, and let the child associate the emotion with you, not with the situation.”

No doubt, sometimes clichés and clichés help: for example, when we are worried, we don’t know how to continue the report or start a conversation. But remember: it is always better to speak, if not smoothly, but from the heart. These are the words that can touch those who listen to you.

Do not rely on well-worn expressions – think for yourself, look for inspiration and motivation in books, useful articles, advice from experienced professionals, and not in general phrases and empty slogans.