At 30 years
Léa, 34, mother of Anna, 5, and Elie, 3.
“We made a list of all the things we wanted to do before we were parents. “
I am right in the French average, I had my daughter at 28 and my son at 30. I always wanted children, but there was no question of making them with the first comer, I needed a great dad. Once the “specimen” was found, we agreed on the fact that we didn’t want to cut corners, we wanted to experience things together before starting a family. We made a list of all the things we wanted to do before being parents: going to the Opera, New York, the Maldives… When I stopped the pill, I had no regrets. 28 years old, it’s still young to be a mother, I was the first of all my girlfriends. For me, it was important to have my children not too late, because my mother had me at 36 and, in childhood, it sometimes bothered me. My first pregnancy went very well, I was over the moon. But when my daughter was born, I remember I was overwhelmed. How lucky to be able to stay five days in the maternity ward, which the midwife is pampering me … If I had had this baby at 25, I would have lacked the maturity to face this emotional tsunami. Then my son was born two years later. For my two children, I stopped every nine months and I am aware that it has held back my career. We can not have everything. Being with my babies was my priority at this time and I do not regret it, but two parental leaves in two years is not the ideal for professional development.
Today, I am separated from the dad. I think the course of the second was more difficult for him than for me. Nevertheless, I am very happy to have my two children, they are the ones who make me want to get up every morning. When you’re a solo mom, priorities change. Now I focus on my job. ”
The shrink’s opinion
People often think that their XNUMXs are the best time to have children. In reality, in my patients, paradoxically, I notice that there are a lot of questions and anxiety at this time of life. At 30, pregnancy is most often the result of planning, as Léa tells us. She took her time, waited to find the ideal parent, took advantage with her husband. She remembers feeling uneasy about her mother’s age. Nothing happens at random, there is always something unconscious that goes up, whether it is at the level of age or the choice of the partner. Young women today are formatted to perfection and the slightest setback is very hard to take. They want to succeed in their profession, find the right father, they are in a frenzy, torn from all sides by a society that is increasingly demanding of them. This race for performance can generate difficulties, especially in the couple. Léa also evokes the difficulty of succeeding professionally when you have close babies. She’s right. It’s cruel to note that at an age when one might really start to be taken seriously, or one’s career might really take off, the ascent is inevitably halted by motherhood. In other countries, this is not the case.