When children begin to sort things out among themselves, it’s time to grab their heads and lament about “let’s live together.” But it can be done in another way.
January 27 2019
Brothers and sisters are jealous of their parents for each other, quarrel and fight. This proves that everything is in order in the family. Children unite only in the face of a common enemy, for example, at school or camp. Over time, they can become friends if you don’t encourage competition and force everyone to share. How to make friends with sisters and brothers, she told Katerina Demina, consultant psychologist, specialist in child psychology, author of books.
Give everyone a personal space. There is no way to settle in different rooms – at least select a table, your own shelf in the closet. Expensive equipment can be common, but clothes, shoes, dishes are not. For children under two and a half years old, give everyone their toys: they cannot cooperate yet.
Draw up a set of rules and post them in a prominent place. The child should have the right not to share if he doesn’t want to. Discuss a system of punishments for taking without asking or spoiling someone else’s thing. Establish the same procedures for everyone, without making a discount for age. The kid can find the elder’s school notebook and draw, because it is difficult for him to understand its value, but it is not worth justifying it by the fact that he is small.
Spend time tete-a-tete. This is especially necessary for the firstborn. Read, walk, the main thing is to focus on the child completely. The elder one can be involved in a trip to the store, but do not forget to reward, highlight him: “You helped a lot, let’s go to the zoo, and the little one will stay at home, the kids are not allowed there.”
Solving conflicts is taught not only by words, but also by example.
Give up the habit of comparison. Children are even hurt by reproaches for trifles, for example, for the fact that one went to bed, and the other has not yet brushed his teeth. Forget the word “but”: “She studies well, but you sing well.” This will spur one child, and he decides to pull up his studies, and the other will lose faith in himself. If you want to stimulate achievement – set individual goals, give everyone their own task and reward.
Treat conflicts calmly. There is nothing wrong with children quarreling. If they are the same age or the difference is very small, do not interfere. Establish rules that they will have to follow during fights. Write down that yelling and calling names, throwing pillows, for example, is allowed, but not biting and kicking. But if one always gets more, your participation is necessary. Children began to fight often, although they used to communicate normally? Sometimes babies misbehave when they feel tension in the family, for example, their parents have a bad relationship or someone is sick.
Talk about feelings. If one of the children hurt another, acknowledge his right to emotion: “You must be very angry, but you did the wrong thing.” Tell me how you can express aggression differently. When scolding, always give support first and only then punish.
Lead by example. Children need to be taught to cooperate, support each other, give in. You should not impose friendship on them, it is enough to read fairy tales, watch cartoons, play team games.
Advice for mothers of children with small age differences, one of whom is less than one and a half years old.
Find a support group. It is imperative that you have women around you who can help. Then you will have the strength to deal with each child in the format in which he needs. At different ages – different needs.
Walk around the house in a long skirt, children need to cling to something. This makes them feel more secure. If you prefer jeans, tie a robe belt to your belt.
Give preference to clothes made of materials that imitate wool… It has been proven that touching such tissues gives a child confidence: “I am not alone.”
If the kid asks who you love more, answer: “I love you”… Children came together and demand to choose? You can say: “Everyone in our family is loved.” Claiming that you love the same way will not resolve the conflict. Try to figure out why the question arose. There are different languages of love, and it may be that the child does not feel the return: you hug him, while words of approval are more important to him.