A third of Russians, according to a recent study, are in favor of the use of physical force in relation to adolescents for educational purposes. And this is in a survey conducted specifically for the Children’s Day! The artistic director of “Yeralash” Boris Grachevsky and the child psychologist explain to Woman’s Day why this should not be done.
First, the good news: the number of those who believe that their own child can be safely attached with a belt for another offense has dropped by 13 percent over the past four years. If in 2013 45 percent of the Levada Center respondents were ready to use corporal punishment, then in 2017 – 32 percent. And yet this is almost a third of our huge country. Maybe, since they beat me, it means that the truth helps?
Woman’s Day expert, PhD in Psychology, Associate Professor Natalya Iskra, a practicing psychologist, specialist in the relationship between a child and parents, is sure that the point is … the helplessness of adults who are unable to convey the necessary information to their child in a different way.
“Any corporal punishment causes harm to a teenager, sometimes irreparable,” says Natalya Iskra. – Most often, their children are beaten by parents who were also beaten in childhood – there is such a chain reaction. Corporal punishment, as a rule, is used by those who are not able to convey something to the child calmly, in conversation, without additional means of influence.
There are situations when physical punishment occurs spontaneously: for example, the author of these lines was somehow forcefully put on the fifth point by her mother for a dangerous crossing of the road in a stream of cars. And what’s the big deal? But the basic rules of road safety have been learned for life, but how can you be offended by a mother for such a slap, if she was just afraid for her child and did it clearly from strong feelings?
“In this situation, the child subconsciously justifies the mother, because he does not want to associate the closest person with something bad,” the psychologist explained. – If this is a one-time case, then there really will be no harm to the child’s psyche. But if this happens regularly, then we are talking about the helplessness of the parents. This means that the mother is unable to control her emotions and shows weakness right in front of her child, which is wrong. Subsequently, she will instill in the child the wrong behavioral model in life.
How then, if not a belt or bare palms, influence a teenager? Natalya Iskra believes that verbal abuse in this case is just as unacceptable.
“Any humiliation, both verbal and physical, is equally bad for a child,” the specialist emphasizes.
She is also against the most severe, according to many parents and their children, method of influence – taking away the Internet or a tablet, or better, both, for a long time.
“To deprive a child of access to the Internet or a favorite device is nothing more than manipulation or blackmail,” explains our expert. – It is best to educate not with a system of punishments, but on the contrary, with the help of rewards: you need to inspire the child that he is good, and when he behaves well, then even better. And no belt is needed.
Natalia Iskra follows these rules: she, by the way, has two children. The eldest son is 15 years old, the youngest daughter is two years old.
“When I need to show that my children are misbehaving, I can take offense at them, get angry or even raise my voice, but nothing more,” the woman assures. “In no case do I beat them, I don’t take anything away from them and, what is important, I don’t stop talking to them, as some parents do.
Interview
How do you punish your children?
I give them vitamin “P”
I prohibit using the computer
I put under house arrest
I read notations, i.e. I instruct you to be true
I explain humanly
No way, it’s useless
Other (write in the comments)
Interestingly, another largest sociological organization in the country – the All-Russian Center for the Study of Public Opinion (VTsIOM) – also today, on Children’s Day, , from which it follows that representatives of the older generation more often than young parents used moralizing for the purpose of education – 83 percent. Woman’s Day asked one of the most famous representatives of the older generation, Boris Grachevsky, the artistic director of the Yeralash children’s newsreel, in the issues of which children were given a lot of life instructions in one way or another.
– It is not necessary to read morals, but to educate morality in the character of a small citizen of the country, – Boris Grachevsky suggested to Woman’s Day. – Sometimes mom and dad have to toughen up their answer to the child a little, but in no case be cruel. The main thing is to remember not about punishments, but about the fact that children must first of all be carried away by teaching, science, art, and develop their talents in them. Then you won’t have to punish anyone.