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😉 Hello dear readers! What happiness it is when a person is healthy, not alone and there is a roof over his head. Friends, enjoy every day, do not get upset over trifles, do not accumulate resentment in yourself. Life is fleeting!
Spend less time looking for “fashionable rags” and unnecessary things, and more often be in nature. Communicate with loved ones, enjoy every day! Take care of yourself, watch your health, do not postpone visits to the doctor. After all, timely diagnosis and treatment often lead us away from death. Live here and now! Enjoy every day!
Accidental “find”
The earth disappeared from under my feet when I learned that the tumor in my breast was malignant and that it was necessary to do the operation as soon as possible – then there would be a chance to survive …
I remember that evening to the smallest detail. I returned home incredibly tired and dreamed of only three things: take a shower, eat and go to bed. Only about three – in this sequence.
She took a shower and unscrewed the cap of the gel she had bought along the way. Smelled – the gel smelled like a summer meadow. “Little joys of our life,” I thought, applied fragrant foam to my skin and began to massage the body.
I even closed my eyes with pleasure – it was so nice! It seemed that I was washing off not only dust, sweat and fatigue, but all the fuss, all the troubles of a hectic day …
The palm massaging the left breast suddenly “stumbled” on some kind of seal. I froze. Hastily washed off the foam. I felt it again – under the skin my fingers clearly felt a hard “pebble” the size of a large bean. I felt a chill, as if I was not under a hot shower, but plunged into an ice hole.
From the stupor I was pulled out by the bang of the front door – Maxim returned from work. I left the bathroom.
– Hey! How was your day? – said, kissing her husband.
– How could he get through? With this reorganization, we have been in a madhouse for the second week! What’s for dinner? Hungry like a dog!
I reheated a roast and put a plate in front of my beloved.
– Thanks. Give me some pepper … And cut some more bread. What about your face?
– The face is like a face, there are worse.
How then I found the strength to joke, and even squeeze out a semblance of a smile – only God knows! Maxim pushed the plate towards him.
– Just some kind of pale … And kind of upset. Problems? Damn, the roast is completely unsalted! Give me some salt! And sauerkraut, if left.
After I put the salt shaker and a bowl of cabbage on the table, my husband forgot that I had “something wrong with my face,” and did not ask about my problems anymore.
Sleep is the body’s signal
I didn’t sleep for a long time that night. Did you feel fear? Perhaps not yet: for several hours in a row I tried to convince myself that this is an ordinary wen. Before falling asleep, I mechanically felt my chest – the “bean” was in place. I remembered my favorite heroine and, like her, decided: “I will think about it tomorrow.”
And then … then I decided not to think about it at all! At first it was possible … But one day I had a nightmare.
As if I was walking along a long corridor illuminated by a bright death-blue light, I came to the only door at the end, opened it and found myself … in the cemetery. I woke up in a cold sweat. Maxim was sleeping next to me, and I lay, afraid to move, so as not to wake him up.
A week later, I had the same dream again, then again. After one of these nights, I decided that I couldn’t bear it anymore, and the next morning I went to the doctor.
A terrible sentence
“Malignant tumor … The faster the operation, the more chances,” I was told after the examination.
I have cancer?! It’s impossible! I am completely healthy, nothing hurts me! And the stupid bean in my chest … So inconspicuous, I stumbled upon it by accident … It can’t be that she suddenly once – and crossed out my whole life!
– On Saturday we are going to the Smirnovs, – Maxim reminded at dinner.
– I can not. You will have to go alone.
– What kind of whims? – he got angry. – After all, we promised …
– The point is … In general, I go to the hospital on Thursday.
– Something like a woman?
– Maxim, I have cancer.
The husband … laughed. Of course, it was a nervous laugh, but it still slashed my naked nerves with a knife.
– I didn’t think you were such an alarmist! What are you, a doctor, to make such diagnoses to yourself? First you need to undergo a thorough examination …
– I passed the examination.
– What?! So you’ve known for a long time and haven’t told me anything ?!
– I didn’t want to worry you …
He looked at me with such fury, as if I had confessed not to illness, but to treason. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even eat supper – he went into the bedroom, loudly slamming the door. I held myself together for so long, held myself in control for so long, but here I could not stand it – I burst into tears, dropping my head on the table. And when she calmed down and came into the bedroom, Max … was already asleep.
In the hospital
I remember everything that happened next as if in a fog. Gloomy thoughts. Hospital ward. The gurney on which they take me to the operating room. The blinding light of lamps overhead … “Nadia, count out loud …” One, two, three, four …
The black pit of nothingness … has surfaced. Painfully! My God, why does it hurt so much ?! Nothing, I am strong, I can stand it! The main thing is that the operation is successful.
Where is Maxim? Why isn’t he around? Oh yeah, I’m in the intensive care unit. Visitors are not allowed here. I’ll wait, I’m patient … I waited. Max came as soon as I was transferred to a regular ward. He brought the package and stayed with me … seven minutes.
His next visits turned out to be a little longer – it seemed that he was already thinking about how to leave as soon as possible. We hardly spoke. Perhaps, neither he nor I knew what to say to each other.
Once the husband admitted:
– The smell of the hospital makes me sick! How can you only stand it?
I myself do not know how I survived. The husband ran for only a few minutes, and even then not every day. We had no children. My parents died and my younger sister lived far away. No, she, of course, knew about the operation, rushed in as soon as they were allowed to visit me, and spent the whole day near my bed, and then went home, saying:
– You see, Nadenka, I left the children with my mother-in-law, and she is already old, she may not see behind them. I’m sorry, dear …
One. At all. Alone with pain and fear! Alone at that moment when most of all I need support … “The thing is that Maxim cannot stand hospitals,” she persuaded herself. – I’ll return home, and the closest person will be next to me again … ”
How I waited for the day of discharge! How glad I was when it came! Already on the first night after my return home, Max made a bed for himself on the sofa in the living room:
– It will be more convenient for you to sleep alone. I can inadvertently hurt you.
No support
Endless painful days dragged on. In vain I hoped for the support of my husband! When she got up, he was already at work. And he came back all later … There were days when we hardly saw each other. I noticed that recently Maxim has been trying to avoid physical contact with me.
Once my husband entered the bathroom while I was washing. Disgust and fear – that’s what was reflected on his face. After a while, I was prescribed a course of chemotherapy. How naive I was when I thought surgery was the worst thing! God grant that you never know what kind of torment a person experiences after “chemistry”.
While undergoing procedures in the hospital – it was a living hell! But even after returning home, I did not feel much better … No one visited me. She did not tell any of her acquaintances about her illness: she was afraid they would behave as if they had come to my funeral.
I came up with all sorts of activities in order to somehow distract myself, but I could only think about one thing: whether I can overcome the disease, or it will defeat me … That morning I was so absorbed in these thoughts that I did not even understand what Maxim was talking about.
– Nadia … I’m leaving.
– Oh yeah … Will you be late today?
– I won’t come today. And tomorrow too. Can you hear me? You know what I mean? I’m leaving you. Forever and ever.
– Why? She asked quietly.
“I can’t be here any longer. This is a cemetery, not a house!
You are not a stranger to us!
I was left alone. I got worse every day. I could not cope with many cases. I can not? And it is not necessary! Nobody needs it anyway … Once, on the landing, I lost consciousness.
– What’s wrong with you? – as if through the fog I saw someone’s unfamiliar face.
– This is from weakness … – I came to my senses. I tried to get up.
“I’ll help,” said the woman, whom I recognized as Lydia from the tenth floor, with concern. – Lean on me, I will walk you to the apartment.
– Thank you, somehow myself …
– It’s out of the question! Suddenly you fall again! – objected a neighbor.
I let her take me home. She then suggested:
– Maybe call a doctor? Such fainting spells are dangerous.
– No, it is not necessary … You see, the ambulance will not help here.
Lydia’s eyes were filled with concern and concern. I don’t know how it happened, but I told her my story. When I finished, the woman had tears in her eyes. From that day on, Lida began to visit me regularly. I helped with cleaning, brought food, took to the doctor. If she herself did not have time, her daughter Innochka helped out.
I made friends with them. I was so moved when Lydia and her husband invited me to celebrate the New Year!
– Thank you, but this holiday is spent with your family. A stranger as a foreign body …
– You are not a stranger to us! – Lida objected so hotly that I burst into tears.
It was a good holiday. When I thought that there was no one of my dear people nearby, I felt sad. But the cordial atmosphere of the neighbors eased the pain of loneliness. Lida often repeated: “Rejoice every day!”
I enjoy every day
Today I know the worst is over. She filed for divorce. My husband was very surprised to see me in court.
“You look wonderful…” he said, slightly taken aback.
My hair has not yet grown back, but a short “hedgehog” even makes me look younger. Lida did my makeup, helped me choose an outfit. I was surprised to see my reflection – I was not like a dying woman. A slender, fashionably dressed, well-groomed woman looked at me through the looking glass!
As for my health, now I feel pretty good, although there are difficult days. But the main thing is that the latest survey results were good! I still have a long treatment, but from the words that I heard from the doctor, wings have grown!
When I asked if there is a chance that someday I will be healthy, he replied with a smile: “You are already healthy”! I am aware that the disease can return. But I know: there are people who will lend a helping hand. My attitude towards life has changed. I value time and every moment, because I know what an extraordinary gift it is! Enjoy every day!
😉 Friends, leave comments, share your stories. Share this article on social media. Get out of the internet more often and interact with nature. Call your parents, feel sorry for the animals. Enjoy every day!