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Couples in the covid era: «I go to work, shopping, on the subway … I don’t see it as more dangerous than flirting»
Couple
The “new normal” also has a place for dating. Of course, with a mask, safety distance, and more meditation than before
We cannot ignore the fact that we recently experienced something that changed everything. The unpredictable coronavirus arrived, and not only did it lock us up at home for almost three months, it also staggered our lives. At that point of rethinking things, there were many “partner seekers” who realized that they did not need to skeep dating and they were going to enjoy their solitude. Others were also who said “enough is enough” and began to look for the famous better half: being single, and looking for a partner, is always an adventure, since there is no one who can get rid of the occasional disastrous date, or stress from those around you and your own.
Although
Each person and situation is a world, one thing is clear: even with everything, the days have continued to pass, life has continued to happen, and everyone tries to adjust to normality, whatever it is now. Therefore, if the cinemas reopened, you could go to the beach, and again beers with friends are possible, there is another thing that, although it seemed doomed to end, remains as it has always done: dating .
«In a situation like this it is common for some emotions to be triggered, such as fear, loneliness, uncertainty, etc. Hence, some people connect with the need to meet other people. It is as if the survival instinct is activated to cover the immediate, even if it is not the healthiest or ideal in these circumstances “, explains Macu Guerrero, health psychologist and director of the Ruth González Terapia center, who adds that, in the last six months,” they have been increased, in a high percentage, the registrations to social network profiles to be able to meet people ».
What is a “post-lockdown” date like?
José, 28, has been with several girls since his quarantine ended and says he hasn’t noticed so many differences between “post-lockdown” dates and earlier dates. “Where I see that it is different is that it is more difficult to make plans: restaurants close earlier, museums and cinemas have strict averages … as leisure is limited, planning a first date is a bit more complicated,” explains the young man.
Paz, 30, says that for her, the biggest difference is that now to flirt you must do it with planning. “I have met people I already knew, but right now, meeting someone I met that day would be difficult: I do not know what environment he has, and that is something that before was not a concern,” he says. Paz says that she has had three appointments since the confinement ended, and that although “the mask thing” at first is a bit strange, (“You don’t really know what to do, if you take it off on a terrace, if not …”), then the appointment is the most normal. José agrees with her, and jokes about the difference of having an appointment with a mask: «Wearing it does not mark the appointment, because in the end it usually stays for a drink, and at one point you have to remove it. The only thing that can happen is that the person’s face changes when they take it off (laughs) but that can happen on other occasions, if someone does not look like their photo ».
For Laura, 24, the date she did have was more different than usual. “It’s different from the moment you say hello, you bump your elbow. You have to manage the issue of distance, keep the mask, wear gel … “, he says, but it also takes away iron from the matter, arguing that we are getting used to it.
One of the key points in the “new dates” is the confidence transmitted. The psychologist Macu Guerrero explains that although the ideal “would be to be able to know the health status of the person with whom we are going to meet,” it is difficult, so in these cases it is very important to continue to maintain a safe distance, and trust it becomes a priority. In the case of Laura, Paz and José, the three agree that in their respective appointments they felt safe, and that is because they felt trust for the people they met. «For example, in the dates that went well, I did maintain physical contact, but I must say that I trusted: If I meet someone, it is because they give me confidence that they are risk-free, ”says José. In Paz’s case, she also explains that “there was physical contact,” and she felt safe: “I knew that the other person’s environment was the same on a daily basis and that is a factor that calms me down.” José adds that although you can never know what will happen, since you can have the virus without knowing it, in his opinion “We cannot live in fear” And he assures that, if he had not felt safe, he would not have stayed with that person directly.
In general, although dating has adapted to the new paradigm, as has the rest of things, the psychologist Macu Guerrero does see a shift in the models of affective relationships, as she assures that before «everything was lived in a intense mode, magnifying the emotions we felt, and now, although it still feels the same emotionally, in general new relationships are affected by physical contact limitations, mobility and leisure options ”.
“We must normalize what we live”
The three interviewees are clear that they will not stop dating. “I see this situation as if we now have to make our lives, but carrying a backpack, and we must continue with normality: in meeting people, or in all areas of our life,” says Laura. José explains that, in his opinion, irresponsibility does not involve having an appointment: «I go to work every day, I go to the supermarket, I go by subway … I have all those obligations and, if I have to expose myself for that, I don’t see more dangerous to meet someone new. The boy continues and comments that, for him, “as long as we are as responsible as possible”, we must try to normalize what we live. “The situation is already very difficult, to give up things that we like and can do safely,” he says.
Paz is clear: «At the beginning there is fear of touching, touching, kissing… We are changing some habits that we are used to, but sometimes it is inevitable. I am young, I want to socialize, and although of course I am a little afraid, I think that right now the important thing is to try to get to know the person before meeting ». Macu Guerrero concludes with the idea that surrounds everything: the confinement has been very long, and there are those who have caused them to want to value and share life. “You want to live moments and experiences,” while you can, “he ends.