Being a mother in Japan: the testimony of Hanako, mother of Aki

In Japan, the whole family sleeps in the same room. “For once, can’t we just both sleep tonight?” “ asked me our husband, French, while we were on vacation in my country. Each evening, the futon (a flat mattress sold with a pillow filled with beans or plastic beads) is rolled out on tatami mats, a traditional covering made from bamboo mats. In the morning, we put everything in a special cupboard – the oshiire. The mother on one side, the father on the other, the baby sleeps in the middle like a stream which joins two banks. The infant stays glued to its mother – during the day in a baby carrier (from the back, so the mother can multitask) and at night, next to her. We show our love in a different way than in Europe – from the child’s 7 years old, we no longer give him kisses, for example. We also like silence and for that, nurseries in large cities often have soundproof walls. In some establishments, children are only allowed to be outside for 45 minutes so as not to annoy the neighborhood.

Some Japanese have the means to send their children to a “hoikuen”, a nursery. The wealthy can also pay a few extra hours at a “takuzisyo”, a 24-hour crèche. Some dads work from 24 a.m. to 7 p.m., Monday through Saturday, so he hardly ever sees their children. Recently, it is the same for the mother, even if the social pressure to take care of her baby full time, is still very strong. Maybe that’s why the Japanese women in Tokyo have their children later, from the age of 22.

A few years ago, mothers looked after their babies for three years. Now they are forced to make a very difficult choice: their career or their baby. Many pregnant women resign, knowing that when they return, the position will be filled by someone younger or with no family obligations. 

Our hospitals are very modern and well equipped. The modest Japanese woman also feels more comfortable during check-ups because she is separated from the doctor by a curtain at her hips. The infant mortality rate is the lowest in the world. During childbirth and between contractions, the mother is given something warm to eat and drink, to provide her with an additional source of energy. Skin to skin is not practiced, the child is immediately washed and dressed. There is also a great deal of concern about the weight of the newborn that is weighed after each feeding. The future mother can gain 1 kg per month of pregnancy.

Too much weight is frowned upon, and the midwife may even suggest a diet. You should avoid eating bread and fruit, stuffed with sugar. Fish, sticky rice, vegetables, soy, seaweed, miso soup are all highly recommended. Black and green teas, as well as coffee are prohibited. At the end of my pregnancy, my belly seemed small compared to that of my French friends. What we respect the most in Japan are the many post-childbirth parties. The “Omiyamairi”, a rite of passage, for which we go to a Shinto temple and where we thank the gods for having protected the baby, is organized one month after birth (31 days later for a boy, 33 for a girl). The baby wears a colorful kimono, one side of which is attached to the person carrying it in his arms.

Seven days after birth, it is the “oshichiya”, the ceremony during which a first name is assigned to the child. Right after childbirth, the father, using traditional calligraphy, writes the name of his son or daughter on the “meimeisho”, a sheet of white paper that he posts on a wall during the party. My husband cannot write in Japanese, so I prepared the “meimeisho”, on which I wrote: “Thank you for being born. Let’s try to grow well together. “