Any of us can find ourselves in a difficult situation that is not easy to figure out, and seeking the advice of a psychologist in this case is quite adequate. If the client, in such an appeal, is in the author’s position, expects joint reflection, expert assessment and solution recipes, including the need to learn something, the psychologist is only required to be competent in that substantive situation that is difficult for the client.
If you are having trouble falling asleep, you need to know what helps you sleep well. If a mother cannot establish a relationship with a teenager, you need to understand their relationship.
Narrow-minded men prefer to ignore their problems, narrow-minded women calm down by softening their problems, smart people solve their problems, wise people live in such a way that they do not have psychological problems.
However, it should be taken into account that the request to “deal with a difficult situation” can hide other, less working and more problematic settings.
I just want to sort out our relationship!
“I just want to figure it out” often means: “I don’t talk much, let’s talk about me!”, “Agree with me that I’m right!”, “Confirm that they are to blame for everything!” and other manipulative games.
I want to understand myself
The request “I want to understand myself”, “I want to understand why this happens to me in my life” is one of the most popular requests for psychological counseling. He is also one of the most unconstructive. Clients who ask this question usually assume that they need to understand something about themselves, after which their life will improve. This question combines several typical desires: the desire to be in the spotlight, the desire to feel sorry for yourself, the desire to find something that explains my failures — and, ultimately, the desire to solve my problems without really doing anything for this↑. What to do with this request? To turn the client from digging into the past to thinking through the future, translate into setting specific goals and planning specific client actions that will lead him to the goal. Your questions: “What does not suit you, of course. And what do you want, what goal will you set?”, “What do you personally need to do to make it the way you want?” Your questions should encourage the client to work: “Do you want to get an algorithm, after completing which, you will find out the answer to your questions”?
Attention: be prepared for the fact that the client will set negative goals, and you need to translate their goals into positive ones over and over again (until you teach the client to do it yourself).
If the client has difficulty understanding their goals for the future, then the exercise “I want, I can, in demand” can help. If a person does not know at all what he wants, then you can make a list with him of what he definitely does not want, and then invite him to try to do, then what he is at least neutrally neutral about.