We publish a long list, compiled by the joint efforts of members of the Caring Alpha community, of various ways to strengthen attachment. This is a list of alternatives – choose what you like, depending on the tastes and preferences of your family. What you don’t like – skip, look for your own, supplement and expand.
Age from 0 to 1 year
The first level of attachment is attachment through the senses, there are five of them: sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch.
- Play peek-a-boo.
- Smile at each other.
- Play kuku or peekaboo.
- Breastfeed.
- Feed something else, holding it in your arms or on your lap.
- Let them eat from their own plate, feed their mother. Or Dad.
- Roll on the neck (after the child has learned to sit).
- Wear on your hands and / or in a sling.
- Hug.
- Do a massage.
- Repeat the babble after the baby.
- Tickle the beard (for dads).
- Kiss your cheeks and navel.
- “Bite” the heels and palms.
- Shared sleep.
- Joint siesta during the day (the parent can not sleep, just lie down, hugging the baby).
- Lay the baby on the mother’s / father’s stomach during daytime sleep.
- Joint bathing in a large bath.
- Sing songs.
- Dance together.
- Use different intonations.
- Make faces.
- Study yourself and each other in the mirror together.
- Read poetry with an expression.
- Look at pictures, books, and the street together.
- Draw yourself, so that the kid looks.
- Stroke your face and stroke your face with your baby’s hands.
- To finish up after the child from his plate (I remind you, do not like it-it means not your way, there are others, and some children are very touched that the mother will finish the last three unbearable spoons of porridge )
From 1 to 3 years
In the second year of life, the child develops the ability to attach through similarity. The child imitates those he loves, tries to be like them: in behavior, in intonation, in preferences.
Everything that is suitable for children from 0 to 1 years old, as well as:
- Put together a list of products with pictures.
- Take it with you to the grocery store.
- Ride in a cart.
- Trust the older ones to roll the cart.
- Even older – to pass the products so that the kid puts them in the cart and takes them out of the cart at the checkout.
- Give carry a small package from the store, “like momdad”.
- Depending on the occupation of the parents, play “mom works”, “dad works”.
- Give the child to try on or wear their own clothes.
- Wear the same clothes in different sizes.
- Wear similar accessories – beads, hats, scarves.
- Let your child help you get the groceries and put them in the refrigerator.
- With washing dishes-rinse forks or unbreakable dishes under running water.
- With the preparation of simple dishes-fill the rice in a saucepan, measure out the glasses of water.
- Bake yummy treats: let them help you mix the ingredients, roll out, sculpt, cut cookies, for example.
- With laundry sorting and loading in and out of the washing machine.
- Let the washing machine start button be pressed.
- Milking a goat together (well, what if!).
- Give your little backpack as a gift.
- Washing the car with Dad.
- Digging in the garden with my mother.
- Start a small vegetable garden (even on the windowsill).
- Grow different edible herbs from seeds.
- Add them to salads and eat them.
- Draw together with my mother with finger paints.
- Draw paints on each other’s faces – there are special kits for this, it is better not to use gouache.
- Or use lipstick to paint each other into clowns.
- Praise.
- When seeing off a working parent (grandmother, guests), wave at the window.
- Come up with “only our secret, we won’t tell anyone”.
- Come up with a conditional sign just for you.
- Build a den from sofa pillows, blankets, chairs and other improvised materials.
- Role-playing (“I’m a sheep, and you’re a mother sheep”).
- Work with Dad to repair or assemble something. At this point, let them play with dad’s tools, give the child something to twist-to screw.
- Give the child to sit in the driver’s seat at the wheel, where mom or dad usually sits, allow them to press the buttons.
- Make a gift or card together with your child for the second parent, grandmothers, family friends.
- Running around between the parents (especially useful if there is no attachment with one of the parents): the father squats at the beginning of the room, the mother squats at the end of the room, and the child runs into the outstretched arms of the father. Dad catches it (with joy, with tender words). And then the mother is waiting for him with outstretched arms and the child rushes to her.
- Footprints in the sand (or snow). First comes the father, then the mother, then the child in the parental footsteps. Or the first dad leaves footprints in the sand, and the mother holds the child by the hand and the child takes big steps in the father’s footsteps. “Oh!!! how big our dad is”” “Oh!!! you’re like a dad walking.” “OOO!!!”
- Especially for girls: wash with your mother with one shampoo, smear creams for cheeks, for hands and feet, make wreaths of flowers for everyone-dad, mom, daughter. Draw dad funny pictures for work, so that he does not get bored, then come to him and check if he forgets to look.
- Do something”scary ” together.
- Go to the trailer park and have everyone take a picture next to the soooogromny wheel.
- Keep long eye contact, “smile with your eyes”.
- The game “mirror” – the parent begins to play in the reflection of his child-to copy what the child does. He tries to get involved as much as possible and copy not only actions, but also emotions – to see the world through the eyes of a child.
- When you are angry – get angry in jest, grab, bite and tickle.
- Hiding with one parent from another under a blanket.
- Wear the same thing for two – for example, wrap yourself in one scarf, put on one jacket for two .
From 3 to 5 years
By the third year, the ability to become attached through belonging and loyalty develops. It is the desire to be on the same side, the desire to possess. “My mother.” Jealousy appears.
Everything that is suitable for children from 0 to 3 years old, as well as:
- Play the games “Mom and son vs sofa cushion”.
- Or “father and son against the dust on the windowsill”.
- Floortime or playing on the floor, when mom or dad is all owned by the child.
- If you have more than one child, spend individual flortayms so that everyone gets a little bit of individual time with each parent.
- With older children, you can spend one-on-one trips to the store, cafe, park, ice rink, cinema, football, garage, fishing or any other entertainment popular in your family.
- Share your hobby with your child.
- Take your child to work with you (if possible).
- Let him feed you from a spoon.
- Allow to be angry, help to release the negative.
- Swim together in the pool.
- Search for treasure.
- Collect autumn leaves/acorns/chestnuts.
- Ride bicycles and roller skates.
- Run a race.
- Dress up in fancy dress.
- Arrange a family performance – with dolls or become actors yourself.
- (Less labor-intensive) play the roles of one scene from a read fairy tale – for example, how the kolobok left his grandmother, and the grandmother rushed after him… or how the fox ate the kolobok!
- Playing “mom-baby” situations in story-role-playing games.
- Make snowmen and build snow fortresses.
- Lying on the couch.
- Butuzitsya.
- “Jam” the child – not to tickle, and movements similar to kneading dough (there are children who need such a strong enough action).
- Knock on something ringing, rhythmic.
- Hide in the houses under the blanket.
- Sing karaoke together in the microphone.
- Together to draw, sculpt, make crafts.
- Jointly decorate the house for the holiday.
- Blow and pop soap bubbles.
- Dance together to the music. Dance to the music that the child plays (on the drum, tambourine, rattles, etc.). Dance together simple children’s dances to the singing of their mother (Loaf, Dance of little ducklings, Bear with a doll). You can also make a round dance out of two people.
- Allow the child to wash his mother, smear cream, comb his hair, brush his teeth, etc.
- Tactile games like “Rails-rails”, finger games.
- Ride a child on his back – “horse”.
- Games on your knees ” In the pit-boom!”
- Swing on Daddy’s leg!
- Walk on your parents ‘ feet.
- Do exercises, gymnastics together. Jump on a gym ball together.
- Play in houses, bridges, manholes, holes, minks, and so on, using the body of the parents as these.
- Swing on a swing and ride down a slide with a baby in your arms.
- Bury each other in the sand, in the snow. And dig it up.
- Games ” Do as I do”, when the child sets the movements, and the mother repeats.
- On a walk, take the hands of both parents and make them “jump” the child through puddles. Or just jumped so high.
- Swim together, dive together, look at each other underwater. Swim on Mom’s or dad’s back.
- “Kisses in the pocket”. When parting, put your kisses in your child’s pocket and explain that when he misses his mother, you need to pull out a kiss and put it on his cheek.
By the fourth year of life, the child has a desire for his own importance, significance in the life of a loved one. Children become softer, more accommodating, looking for confirmation of their importance to us.
- Play hide and seek.
- Play breakups and meetings.
- Prepare the table for dinner: arrange the plates, get the appliances, pour the juice.
- Give your child your own dustpan and brush.
- Entrust watering the flowers.
- Laugh with the child, especially at his jokes.
- Dress the child if he asks.
- Feed the child if he asks and wants (even if he has long been able to).
- Approve of the child’s friends.
- If you can’t approve of hobbies and friends-talk to your child in GREAT detail about why you can’t approve of a particular friend or a particular monster!
In the fifth year, the child begins to love. He gives you his heart. If earlier he said “I love my mother” more imitating others, now he “LOVES my mother”. Sings love songs and draws hearts. This is attachment through emotions, a time when the child is physically ready to part with those who are dear to him, without significant damage to his psyche.
- Draw postcards to a grandmother who lives in another city.
- Send postcards by mail and wait for answers.
- View a family photo album.
- Look for mom and dad in photos where there are a lot of people.
- Consider together photos in which the child is still small.
- We tell you about how he was small or he was not there at all and was waiting for him.
- Call your dad at work (or have your dad call you once a day at a certain hour).
- For those who live abroad – to speak with the child in their native language. Even if the people around don’t understand (secret language, play spy).
- Hug the whole family.
From 5 to 7 years
The last level of attachment is when you are known. The child begins to share his secrets so that we can understand him better, so that he can be closer to us. Psychological attachment. This is the deepest level of attachment and the most vulnerable. Not every adult has the experience of such attachment.
Everything that is suitable for children from 0 to 5 years old, as well as:
- Trusting a child with my feelings-I got angry today when… I was sad because… I was so happy that time…
- Ask for forgiveness from the child in the event of a breakdown.
- Call the child’s feelings.
- Apply active listening.
- Discuss the conflicts that have arisen after the passions have subsided.
From 7 to 11 years old
And now the most interesting thing. Co – sleeping at 7 or as a teenager-well, if you can talk your big boy or girl into it. But, most likely, this will not help you maintain your attachment. In the sling, too, is not particularly primotaesh.
Everything your child will agree to from the above for younger ages, as well as:
- Share YOUR child’s hobbies – even if they are nasty little toys with big eyes and an inflated price, or a computer game.
- Entrust the child with the preparation of a single dish for dinner (only tips and hints, hands off, let him – of course, if he wants).
- Read it aloud to him.
- Do not forget to hug: at least 8 hugs a day.
- We continue the massage (rails-rails, etc.).
- Watch his baby video with his family.
- Conduct personal correspondence between the child’s dolls.
From 11 to 17 years old
- Do not forget to hug: at least 8 hugs a day.
- We continue to actively listen.
- Be on the side of the child during an external threat.
- Have a common time (cafes, walks).
- Ask for help in what he feels confident in (computers or brute force, etc.).
- Consult with him before making decisions concerning not only him, but also family-wide issues.
- Tactile contact: in the hair to stir, kisses-hugs when meeting and saying goodbye.
- Write funny little notes (and serious ones).
- For adults, separately walking children, – to meet and see off each time (a kind word and a native face before leaving is very important).
- Listen to the teenager when he starts talking, not when the parents have time.
- Ask what you like-don’t like, in all areas – from politics to the color of toilet paper.
- Ask them to justify their position.
- Ask questions.
- Learn to form your opinion, defend it, and look for arguments.
- Watch the news together, discuss the political situation in the country and the world.
- Some kind of joint activity: for example, growing something on the windowsill or setting up an experiment, reading a long book in a race.
- Make jokes on each other, make harmless jokes.
- Show unexpected concern. I remember my mother bringing me an umbrella to school. To do this, she had to take time off from work. And she’s my doctor, and it’s cost her a lot of work. We didn’t have a car at the time, so she brought me an umbrella from the other side of town. I was touched to the core.
- Prepare delicious dishes, and, as a little one. Bake cakes with bunnies on weekends, draw faces on porridge with jam every morning, etc.
- Just to chat before bed or over dinner about how the day went.
- Similar clothing (family look).
- The same key rings on the keys, but in different colors.
- Hikes of any kind: from one-day trips for mushrooms and berries, to long ones for a couple of weeks, if possible.
- Funny text messages for no reason.
- Together, prepare a surprise or a holiday for someone close to you.