8 phrases that women can’t stand

There are several relatively neutral phrases to which partners react too emotionally. They are different for men and women. A phrase like “I’d rather do it myself” is not liked by men, because it calls into question their competence and manhood.

And why do women not like the word «calm down»? Because it denies the value of their experiences.

What other words can hurt women’s pride and put relationships in jeopardy?

1. “Relax. Calm down»

You deny the value of her emotions. All feelings are important, even if they are tears over … even if she herself does not know what she is crying over.

Do you think that she is now, deep down, waiting for you to say, “Well, it’s ridiculous to cry over such nonsense”? Not at all, she is waiting for you to hug her, call her an affectionate word and bring her warm tea.

Or, as a last resort, follow the advice of family therapist Marcia Berger: “When she is upset, let her speak and nod with patience.”

2. «You are not a man, you do not understand this»

Stay away from generalizations about who men and women are, says Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena. This will create additional and completely unnecessary distance between you.

In addition, the words “you don’t understand this” contain another hint at turning the discussion in an unnecessary direction.

After all, all you want now is to express sadness and irritation — that is, practically the same thing that she needed quite recently (see paragraph 1)?

Then just tell me how upset you were by the loss of your favorite team (promotion of this upstart, junk motor) …

3. «Do you really need it so much?»

Of course, it is necessary to return to financial reality. But she has already spent that money, and you don’t know how much time, effort, doubt and careful analysis it took to find this one thing in a huge city.

Or perhaps it was a little whim that made her feel light…

Yes, she needs it. It was then. She herself understands that now it is no longer necessary.

Laugh together at this purchase and … take the time sometime in the evening to sit down and paint together all the planned expenses for the month and for the year ahead.

4. «I’m leaving»

Don’t say the word «divorce» if you really don’t intend to break up.

Yes, she can say many times that she is leaving for her mother and even divorces you, but this is completely different. This is how she expresses her emotions, that she is sad and lonely. She won’t remember them tomorrow.

But no one expects to hear these terrible words from you.

5. “Good lasagna… But my mom makes better… Ask her for the recipe.”

Sometimes our confidence in our own abilities is tested. Comparison with the mother-in-law can awaken memories of many other unskillful moves.

In general, it’s better to say briefly, like a man: “Good lasagna.”

6. “Okay, I understand, I’ll do it, that’s enough, don’t remind me”

In these words, the subtext is read “how tired you are,” says Marcia Berger. They are especially inappropriate when you have already reacted this way and … did nothing. This is an example of an innocent phrase that women cannot stand.

7. “My first wife was parking in the blink of an eye, and she was also so sociable…”

The current partner most likely does not want to hear praise from someone from your past. It’s better not to compare women at all, no matter how old they are, advises Marcia Berger.

8. “Does it bother you that much? I’m not at all»

In other words, you are painting a portrait of an emotional giant, a person who is not afraid of any storms, and you wonder why your wife does not want to imitate you.

And even more than that, these words seem offensive to her. For the same reason we started: to worry, to worry — this is her way of taking care of the two of you and generally living. Tell her how much you appreciate it!