Many are sure that they will not forgive betrayal, but when a betrayal occurs and the unfaithful swears that he will never make a mistake again, they forget the promises made to themselves, forgive the offense and give a second chance. But what if the partner does not deserve forgiveness and his remorse is just another lie?
A cheating partner is probably one of the most painful emotional experiences. The betrayal of a loved one breaks our hearts. “Nothing compares to the pain, fear and rage that we feel when we find out that a partner who swore allegiance has cheated. A sense of monstrous betrayal consumes us. It seems to many that they will never be able to trust a partner and anyone else, ”says psychotherapist and sexologist Robert Weiss.
However, you may still love this person and want to stay together, of course, if he does not cheat anymore and makes every effort to restore the relationship. Most likely, your partner apologizes and reassures that he did not mean to cause you such pain. But you know perfectly well that this is not enough and will never be enough.
He will have to make a lot of efforts to restore mutual trust, to become completely honest and open in everything. Surely he decides to do it, even promises. And yet it is possible that in the future it will break your heart again.
Here are 7 signs that an unfaithful partner has not repented and does not deserve forgiveness.
1. He keeps cheating
So many people who are prone to cheating are not able to stop, despite the consequences. In some ways, they resemble drug addicts. They continue to change, even when they were brought to clean water and their whole life begins to crumble. Fortunately, this does not apply to everyone. Many are deeply remorseful after exposure and do their best to make amends without repeating past mistakes. But some can’t or don’t want to stop and continue to hurt their partner.
2. He keeps lying and keeping secrets from you.
When the fact of infidelity is revealed, the perpetrators usually tend to continue to lie, and if they are forced to confess, they reveal only part of the truth, continuing to keep their secrets. Even if they no longer cheat, they continue to deceive partners in something else. For a survivor of betrayal, such a deception can be no less painful than the betrayal itself.
3. He blames everyone but himself for what happened.
Many unfaithful partners justify and explain their behavior by shifting the blame for what happened to someone else or something else. For the injured partner, this can be painful. It is very important that the cheating partner fully acknowledges responsibility for what happened. Unfortunately, many not only do not do this, but even try to shift the blame for the betrayal onto their partner.
4. He apologizes and expects to be forgiven immediately.
Some cheaters think that it is enough to apologize, and the conversation is over. They are very unhappy or get angry when they realize that the partner has a different opinion on this matter. They do not understand that with their betrayals, lies and secrets they have destroyed all trust between you and all your trust in relationships and that you will not be able to forgive a partner until he earns this forgiveness by proving that he is again worthy of trust.
5. He tries to «buy» forgiveness.
A typical erroneous tactic of many partners after infidelity is to try to win back your favor by «bribery», giving flowers and decorations, inviting you to restaurants. Even sex can act as a means of «bribery». If your partner has tried to appease you this way, you already know it doesn’t work. Gifts, no matter how expensive and thoughtful they may be, are not able to heal the wounds caused by infidelity.
6. He tries to control you with aggression and threats.
Sometimes, in order to “calm down” a rightly angry partner, the cheater begins to threaten with a divorce, termination of financial support, or something else. In some cases, they manage to intimidate a partner into submission. But they do not understand that their behavior destroys the emotional intimacy in a couple.
7. He tries to comfort you.
Many partners, when their betrayal becomes known, say something along the lines of: “Darling, calm down, nothing terrible has happened. You know that I love you and have always loved you. You’re making an elephant out of a fly.» If you have ever heard something like this, you know very well that such attempts to calm down (even if it succeeds for a while) will never be able to restore trust lost after betrayal. Moreover, listening to this is very painful, because, in fact, the partner makes it clear that you have no right to be angry because of his betrayal.