6 Ways to Survive the Holidays When You’re Not in Trouble With Your Partner’s Parents

Do you think about the visit of your partner’s parents with fear? Will the holidays be ruined again? To a large extent it depends on you. Here are some tips from family therapists.

1. Promise yourself that you will try to improve the relationship.

It is not necessary to promise yourself something only on the eve of the New Year. Together with your life partner, you have chosen his parents, and you will not get rid of them, except perhaps after a divorce. Try not to complain every time you visit your mother-in-law or mother-in-law, but get along with them during this year. You have many years ahead of you, so it doesn’t have to be perfect the first time. Start with a small step, like «I won’t mention Uncle Husband’s drinking this year.» Over time, you will find that communicating with your spouse’s parents is no longer so burdensome for you. ― Aaron Anderson, family therapist.

2. Talk frankly with your partner beforehand

Don’t keep your fears and worries a secret! Talk to your spouse about how you think the meeting with the parents will go. But don’t talk about your negative attitude towards them. Tell what’s bothering you and ask for help. Describe exactly what you need. For example, ask him to be more supportive or more actively involved in preparing for a family celebration. Think through this conversation and analyze your concerns. ― Marnie Fuerman, family therapist.

3. Take care of yourself

One of the main reasons we lose patience with guests is the need to keep them entertained. During meetings with friends or, especially, relatives, one often has to ignore one’s own desires for the sake of someone else’s comfort. As a result, we simply forget about ourselves. And while it may seem like there is no time to take care of yourself, this is the best way to deal with stress and invasion of personal space.

Take care of your health, take a relaxing shower, go to bed early, read somewhere quiet. Listen to your body and try to pay more attention to your needs. ― Alisha Clark, psychologist.

4. Team up with a partner

In a marriage, there are often tensions with your spouse’s parents, and sometimes you begin to doubt whose side he is on. Both of you have been members of another family for a long time, with your own holiday traditions and customs. The struggle for influence between the partner’s parents and his other half can flare up in earnest, because both «parties» want to attract him to them during the holidays. Teaming up with a partner is one way to end this fight. Then you will support each other, not your parents.

But you have to stand firm and stand up for your partner. This approach may seem harsh, but slowly the parents will adapt to the situation and understand that the joint decision of the spouses is always at the forefront. Remember which side you are on. You are first a husband, and only then — a son or daughter. ― Danielle Kepler, psychotherapist.

5. Gather your courage before the meeting

Before meeting your partner’s parents, do one mental exercise. Imagine that you are wearing special armor that protects against any negative energy. Say to yourself: «I am safe and protected, I am safe.» On the spot, be as polite and charming as possible. Keep a positive attitude and act at ease. There is no point in wasting precious time regretting things you cannot control. ― Becky Whetstone, family therapist.

6. Remember: It’s Temporary

On holidays, the flow of family gatherings and visits does not dry out. The holidays will end, you will return home and be able to forget about all the inconveniences. There is no need to dwell on the negative: this will only add to problems and may become a reason for quarrels with a partner. Don’t let your spouse’s parents ruin your life and influence your relationship. ― Aaron Anderson, family therapist.