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You open your soul to him, and in response you hear the on-duty answers of a clearly uninterested interlocutor? You know everything about him, but he knows nothing about you? Do you see a future with him, but he does not know where he will spend his next vacation? Chances are your partner doesn’t take you too seriously. Here is a list by which you can determine how deep your relationship is.
We cannot build deep and emotionally meaningful relationships with all the people we meet. If you rarely meet a person and do not spend much time together, you hardly see the point in developing a relationship. However, superficial relationships in a couple will suit few people. Especially if you want to feel a deeper connection with a person. In such a situation, many questions arise.
Connect
For starters, if you’re trying to figure out what your relationship is, and you’re even willing to read an article to figure it out, that’s an indication that you care. But even if you yourself are a deep person, this does not guarantee a deep relationship. After all, they depend not only on you. If both people are unable or unwilling to connect on a deeper level, the relationship will falter.
Even if a partner is a deep personality, this does not mean that he is right for you. At the same time, communication with people who understand you at a deep level brings more joy and satisfaction.
What to do if your relationship with your partner is too “easy”?
If the partner is not able (or not interested) to establish a serious relationship, you should adjust your own expectations. Perhaps he is afraid to get close too quickly or understands the depth of the relationship differently than you do.
If your partner also wants to take the relationship to another level, and his ideas about a deep relationship are the same as yours, you are in luck. And if not? How do you know if he’s ready to get close?
Psychotherapist Mike Bundrent has listed 27 features of shallow relationships that may help you understand the situation.
Your relationship is superficial if you…
You do not know what your partner wants from life and what he is interested in.
You do not understand how similar or different your life values are.
You don’t know where you are compatible or incompatible.
Can’t put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Do not talk about your feelings and experiences.
Constantly trying to control each other.
Don’t think about what your partner needs from you.
Not sure what you need from your partner.
Constantly arguing and swearing over little things.
Live exclusively around entertainment, pleasure or another aspect.
You gossip behind each other’s backs.
Spend little time together.
Be indifferent to each other’s life goals.
Constantly fantasize about being in a relationship with someone else.
Lie to each other.
You don’t know how to politely disagree with each other.
Never discussed personal boundaries.
Have sex mechanically.
You don’t get the same pleasure from sex.
Don’t have sex.
Do not talk about sex.
You don’t know each other’s history.
Avoid looking into each other’s eyes.
Avoid physical contact.
Do not think about a partner in his absence.
Do not share the dreams and aspirations of each other.
You are constantly manipulating.
Draw conclusions
If you recognize your couple on the example of the points listed, this does not mean that your relationship is shallow. In an alliance where partners are not indifferent to each other and recognize each other as independent individuals with their own experiences and emotions, list items are less common.
Shallow relationships don’t mean bad or wrong. Perhaps this is only the first stage on the way to something serious. And a deep connection, in turn, does not always develop immediately, it is a step-by-step process that often takes years.
Talk to your partner, share your feelings, and if he treats your words with understanding and takes them into account, the relationship can no longer be called superficial.