All happy families are equally happy, wrote the classic. This is probably why the recommendations of family psychologists basically also converge in many respects. Respect, approval, intimacy… How to embody their principles in real life? Advice from experts is specific and simple, and this is their effectiveness.
Over the years, psychologists, psychotherapists and marriage counselors have dealt with hundreds and even thousands of couples. Of course, most of them come to counseling or therapy, faced with serious problems, but in the course of working together, many manage to “level the bank” and come to a harmonious relationship.
Here is what distinguishes such couples and what you should do to make your union even stronger and happier.
1. There is nothing more important than the relationship between husband and wife.
“If career achievements come to the fore, children, personal desires, problems begin. Let your marriage remain your top priority,” advises psychologist Kathy Meyer.
2. Take responsibility for your actions.
“If you think that all the blame lies with your partner, your marriage will be more like a fight between two kids in a sandbox,” says family therapist Karin Goldstein.
3. Touch strengthens our connection with each other. through the production of the hormone oxytocin.
“Join hands, massage each other’s shoulders, hug, kiss, dance. Try to keep and prolong the touch!” — recommends psychologist Lori Loe.
Men should remember that women love to be listened to. And women need to understand that men need to be alone.
4. The value of the gift is not so important as the emotion it carries.
“Take time to sign a card or leave a love note. Put it in your loved one’s bag or purse and their day will be special,” says family counselor Susan K. Oshima.
5. Men should remember that women love to be listened to. And it is important for women to understand that men need to be alone sometimes.
“Giving him personal space and not harboring resentment about it, you allow your man to feel the familiar spark of passion again,” is the advice received by students of the MarsVenus educational program.
6. Boredom in bed, lack of conversation, resentment — symptoms of a chronic and yet incurable disease.
“Use all possible ways to deal with them — any medicine, no matter how strange it may seem. Something will definitely work, and your marriage will become stronger, ”consultant Alice Bowman encourages.
7. The most useless thing in marriage is trying to change your spouse.
“After all, the difficulties that you experience with him are a reflection of your personal problems. When you nag your husband for any reason, you tell him: «You are not good enough for me.» Well, who will like it? As a result, you move away from each other and begin to constantly conflict. Do better work on yourself,” recommends family counselor Rick Kirscher.
8. Make a list of your three happiest momentsyour life together.
“Refresh them every day,” advises marriage counselor Lucia Bramante.
9. Your relationship will change for the better.if you repeat certain phrases more often.
“Saying: “I love you”, “I will help”, “I understand”, “I’m sorry”, “Thank you”, “I appreciate what you are doing”, “How glad (glad) to see you”, “I you did great!”, you will strengthen your union day by day,” psychologist Gina Spielman is sure.
10. Create a clear picture of your future for two.
“Sit next to each other, listen to each other and write down how you imagine your life together in 5-10 years,” says psychotherapist Yves Aghi.
11. Control or mutual understanding?Both that and another at once in marriage is impossible.
“Choose rapport,” counsels psychotherapist Lee Horton.
12. Laugh more!
“Walk (nature brings together), cook together (it’s sexy!), play tennis with each other or sign up for a dance together (you will look better!, watch good comedies. Laughter improves mutual understanding,” says psychologist Melody Tucker.
To avoid «neighborhood» syndrome, couples should be alone, not for business, but for fun
13. Take a deep breath before lashing out at the other with a torrent of scolding and accusations. and ask why he did it.
“For example, he again forgot to walk the dog, and you had to clean the carpet. Start softly: “I didn’t quite understand why our carpet and dog didn’t get along,” suggests family counselor Jean Fitzpatrick.
14. In order to avoid the “neighborhood” syndrome, couples must understand that spending time together is different from the so-called «holy moments» together. “Going out, visiting relatives and household chores are not among the latter. But hiking, camping or even a tour of the unexplored corners of the city in which you live is just what you need, ”says family consultant Marnie Batista.
15. Compliment your partner every day.
“A compliment is a sign of approval and recognition. Constantly emphasize how dear your partner is to you,” recommends family counselor Nicole Johnson.
16. Go on a date with each other every week…
«… and let it end in the bedroom!» psychologist Ann Robbins suggests.