You live in constant tension and do not know how to say no. Or too shy. Partner dependent. Or maybe you are worried about the overexcited state of a child who refuses to go to school. The Adlerian approach helps to deal with various problems, including depression and anxiety disorders. Why is he interesting? First of all, optimism.
Who decides what our life will be like? Only ourselves! answers the Adlerian approach. Its founder, the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler (1870–1937), spoke of the fact that everyone has a unique lifestyle that is influenced not so much by family, environment, innate characteristics, but by our «free creative power.» This means that each person transforms, interprets what happens to him — that is, he truly creates his life. And in the end, it is not the event itself that acquires meaning, but the meaning that we attach to it. A life style develops early, by the age of 6-8 years.
(Don’t) fantasize about it
“Children are excellent observers, but poor interpreters,” said the American psychologist Rudolph D. Dreikurs, who developed Adler’s ideas in the middle of the last century. This seems to be the source of our problems. The child carefully observes what is happening around, but does not always make correct conclusions.
“Having survived the divorce of their parents, even children from the same family can come to completely different conclusions,” explains psychologist Marina Chibisova. — One child will decide: there is nothing to love me for, and I am to blame for the fact that my parents divorced. Another will notice: Relationships sometimes end, and that’s okay and not my fault. And the third will conclude: you need to fight and do so that they always reckon with me and do not leave me. And everyone goes further in life with their own conviction.
There are many more influences than individual, even strong-sounding, parental words.
Some installations are quite constructive. “One of my students said that in her childhood she came to the conclusion: “I am beautiful, and everyone admires me,” the psychologist continues. Where did she get it from? The reason is not that a loving father or a stranger told her about it. The Adlerian approach denies a direct connection between what parents say and do and the decisions the child makes. And thus relieves parents of the colossal burden of personal responsibility for the psychological difficulties of the child.
There are many more influences than individual, even strong-sounding, parental words. But when attitudes become a hindrance, do not allow you to effectively solve life problems, there is a reason to turn to a psychologist.
Remember all
Individual work with a client in the Adlerian approach begins with an analysis of lifestyle and a search for erroneous beliefs. “Having made a holistic view of them, the psychotherapist offers the client his interpretation, showing how this belief system has developed and what can be done about it,” explains Marina Chibisova. — For example, my client Victoria always expects the worst. She needs to foresee any little thing, and if she allows herself to relax, then something in life will certainly be disturbed.
To analyze life style, we turn to early memories. So, Victoria remembered how she was swinging on the swing on the first day of school holidays. She was happy and made many plans for this week. Then she fell, broke her arm and spent a whole month in a cast. This memory helped me to realize the mindset that she would definitely “fall off the swing” if she allowed herself to be distracted and enjoy herself.”
To understand that your picture of the world is not an objective reality, and your childish conclusion, which actually has an alternative, can be difficult. For some, 5-10 meetings are enough, while others need six months or more, depending on the depth of the problem, the severity of the history and the desired changes.
Catch yourself
In the next step, the client learns to observe himself. The Adlerians have a term — «catching yourself» (catching yourself). The task is to notice the moment when an erroneous belief interferes with your actions. For example, Victoria tracked situations when there was a feeling that she would “fall off the swing” again. Together with the therapist, she analyzed them and came to a new conclusion for herself: in general, events can develop in different ways, and it is not necessary to fall off the swing, most often she manages to calmly get up and move on.
So the client critically rethinks children’s conclusions and chooses a different interpretation, more adult. And then learns to act based on it. For example, Victoria learned to relax and allocate a certain amount of money to spend it on herself with pleasure, without fear that «she will fly for it.»
“Realizing that there are many possible behaviors for him, the client learns to act more effectively,” concludes Marina Chibisova.
Between plus and minus
From Adler’s point of view, the basis of human behavior is always a certain goal that determines its movement in life. This goal is “fictitious”, that is, based not on common sense, but on emotional, “personal” logic: for example, one should always strive to be the best. And here we recall the concept with which Adler’s theory is primarily associated — the feeling of inferiority.
The experience of inferiority is characteristic of each of us, Adler believed. Everyone is faced with the fact that they don’t know how / don’t have something, or that others do something better. From this feeling is born the desire to overcome and succeed. The question is what exactly do we perceive as our inferiority, as a minus, and where, to what plus will we move? It is this main vector of our movement that underlies the lifestyle.
In fact, this is our answer to the question: what should I strive for? What will give me a sense of complete integrity, meaning? For one plus — to make sure that you are not noticed. For others, it is the taste of victory. For the third — a feeling of complete control. But what is perceived as a plus is not always really useful in life. The Adlerian approach helps to acquire greater freedom of movement.
Learn more
You can get acquainted with the ideas of Adlerian psychology at one of the schools that are annually organized by The International Committee of Adler Summer Schools and Institutes (ICASSI). The next, 53rd Annual Summer School will be held in Minsk in July 2020. Read more at .