These days, childhoods are increasingly competitive, but it’s worth considering whether putting too much pressure on kids really helps them succeed. Journalist Tanis Carey argues against inflated expectations.
When in 1971 I brought home the first school grades with the teacher’s comments, my mother must have been pleased to know that, for her age, her daughter was «excellent in reading.» But I’m sure she didn’t take it entirely as her merit. So why, 35 years later, when I opened my daughter Lily’s diary, I could hardly contain my excitement? How did it happen that I, like millions of other parents, began to feel completely responsible for the success of my child?
It seems that today the education of children begins from the moment they are in the womb. While there, they should listen to classical music. From the moment they are born, the curriculum begins: flashcards until their eyes are fully developed, sign language lessons before they can talk, swimming lessons before they can walk.
Sigmund Freud said that parents directly influence the development of children — at least psychologically.
There were parents who took parenting too seriously in Mrs. Bennet’s time in Pride and Prejudice, but back then the challenge was to raise a child whose mannerisms reflected the parent’s social status. Today, the responsibilities of parents are much more multifaceted. Previously, a talented child was considered a «gift of God.» But then came Sigmund Freud, who said that parents directly influence the development of children — at least in psychological terms. Then the Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget came up with the idea that children go through certain stages of development and can be regarded as «little scientists».
But the last straw for many parents was the creation at the end of World War II of special schools to educate the 25% of the most talented children. After all, if going to such a school guaranteed their children a bright future, how could they pass up such a chance? «How to make a child smarter?» – such a question began to ask themselves an increasing number of parents. Many found the answer to it in the book «How to teach a child to read?», written by the American physiotherapist Glenn Doman in 1963.
Doman proved that parental anxiety can easily be turned into hard currency
Based on his study of the rehabilitation of brain-damaged children, Doman developed the theory that a child’s brain develops most rapidly in the first year of life. And this, in his opinion, meant that you need to actively engage with children until they reach the age of three. In addition, he stated that children are born with such a thirst for knowledge that it surpasses all other natural needs. Despite the fact that only a few scientists supported his theory, 5 million copies of the book «How to teach a child to read», translated into 20 languages, have been sold worldwide.
The fashion for early education of children began to develop actively in the 1970s, but by the beginning of the 1980s, psychologists noted an increase in the number of children in a state of stress. From now on, childhood was determined by three factors: anxiety, constant work on oneself and competition with other children.
Parenting books no longer focus on feeding and caring for a child. Their main topic was ways to increase the IQ of the younger generation. One of the bestsellers is How to Raise a Smarter Child? — even promised to increase it by 30 points in case of strict adherence to the author’s advice. Doman failed to create a new generation of readers, but proved that parental anxiety can be turned into hard currency.
Newborns who do not yet understand how to control the body are forced to play the baby piano
The more implausible the theories became, the louder the protests of scientists who argued that marketers had confused neuroscience — the study of the nervous system — with psychology.
It was in this atmosphere that I put my first child to watch the cartoon «Baby Einstein» (educational cartoons for children from three months. — Approx. ed.). A sense of common sense should have told me that this could only help her sleep, but like other parents, I desperately clung to the idea that I was responsible for my daughter’s intellectual future.
In the five years since the launch of Baby Einstein, one in four American families has bought at least one video course on teaching children. By 2006, in America alone, the Baby Einstein brand had earned $540 million before being acquired by Disney.
However, the first problems appeared on the horizon. Some studies have shown that so-called educational videos often disrupt children’s normal development instead of speeding it up. With the rise in criticism, Disney began accepting returned merchandise.
The «Mozart effect» (the influence of Mozart’s music on the human brain. — Approx. ed.) is out of control: newborns who do not yet realize how to control the body are forced to play the children’s piano in specially equipped corners. Even things like skipping rope come with built-in lights to help your child remember the numbers.
Most neuroscientists agree that our expectations for educational toys and videos are too high, if not unfounded. Science has been pushed to the boundary between laboratory and elementary school. The grains of truth in this whole story have been turned into reliable sources of income.
It’s not just that educational toys don’t make a child smarter, they deprive children of the opportunity to learn more important skills that can be acquired during regular play. Of course, no one is saying that children should be left alone in a dark room without the possibility of intellectual development, but undue pressure on them does not mean that they will be smarter.
Neuroscientist and molecular biologist John Medina explains: “Adding stress to learning and play is unproductive: the more stress hormones that destroy a child’s brain, the less likely they are to succeed.”
Instead of creating a world of geeks, we make children depressed and nervous
No other field has been able to use parental doubts as well as the field of private education. Just a generation ago, extra-tutoring sessions were only available for children who were lagging behind or who needed to study for exams. Now, according to a study by the charitable educational organization Sutton Trust, about a quarter of schoolchildren, in addition to compulsory lessons, additionally study with teachers.
Many parents come to the conclusion that if an insecure child is taught by an unprepared teacher, the result may be a further aggravation of the psychological problem.
Instead of creating a world of geeks, we make children depressed and nervous. Instead of helping them do well in school, excessive pressure leads to low self-esteem, loss of desire to read and math, sleep problems, and poor relationships with parents.
Children often feel that they are loved only for their success — and then they begin to move away from their parents for fear of disappointing them.
Many parents have not realized that most behavioral problems are the result of pressure their children face. Children feel that they are loved only for their success, and then they begin to move away from their parents for fear of disappointing them. It’s not just the parents that are to blame. They have to raise their children in an atmosphere of competition, pressure from the state and status-obsessed schools. Thus, parents are constantly afraid that their efforts are not enough for their children to succeed in adulthood.
However, the time has come to return the children to a cloudless childhood. We need to stop raising kids with the idea that they should be the best in the class and that their school and country should be ranked at the top of the educational rankings. Finally, the main measure of parental success should be the happiness and safety of children, not their grades.