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Even if you perfectly understand the situation in which you find yourself, and it is completely unbearable to continue the relationship, taking a decisive step can be extremely difficult, and there are several reasons for this.
Despite the fact that direct abuse is not always present in toxic relationships, they all develop in a similar pattern: tension, conflict (violence), reconciliation, calmness.
And, constantly swinging on these “emotional swings”, it can be difficult to come to your senses, come to your senses and try to get out of the vicious circle. What exactly prevents breaking such an alliance?
1. Lack of understanding of healthy relationships
It is especially difficult for two types of people: those who have only been in toxic relationships before and are used to considering them the norm, and those who have never encountered anything like this before. If you have nothing to compare with, if before you didn’t have relationships at all or there were only those in which there was abuse, it’s almost impossible to understand in time that something is wrong, especially if you are told from all sides that “ it’s normal”, “all men/women are like that” and “it can be worse”.
2. Hope that things will get better
Many people who eventually come out of a toxic relationship remember that they began to notice “wake-up calls” a long time ago, some as early as the first month after they met. For example, they were “immediately strained” that the partner loses his temper over nothing.
What kept them in a relationship? The notion that “all couples fight is probably okay too.” And also – complacency in the spirit of “it’s not so bad.”
3. Faith in the best in a partner
We are all not without flaws, and we all notice them in others. However, some of us tend to see others as predominantly good – their potential, which we want to help develop. It may seem to us that if we provide our partner with maximum support, he will improve and what we do not like will not happen again. He’s not from evil, but from some of his inner pain.
As a rule, toxic partners are brilliant manipulators: many of them have learned this art since childhood, forced to adapt to significant adults, to capture their desires and mood swings. This means that you most likely will not even realize that you are being controlled – and they are doing it very successfully. And of course, the manipulator will not let you go just like that: all his charm and persuasiveness will be used.
5. Low self-esteem
Perhaps your self-esteem was like this even before this relationship, and this is what attracted a partner to you; or maybe it was this union that deprived you of self-confidence – this also happens. And by the way, self-confident optimists also have a hard time: they simply do not notice what is happening for too long, or flatly refuse to believe in it.
6. Shame
Many of us have been silent for years about being in a toxic relationship because of a simple sense of shame. We are ashamed that we did not see through the abuser. that fell into his trap. That they allowed themselves to be treated like this. And we prefer to remain silent about what is happening, if only “not to wash dirty linen in public.”
What can be done anyway?
Show courage, enlist support, make a plan and leave. Yes, that’s so harsh and categorical.
You need to gather your courage and think over everything in advance: where and what you will live on, where you will work. Along the way, you will need the care of people you can trust to keep you safe.