Why does a family need a father?

What is a father? If it’s the same. that dad and dad are just a male parent, a man in relation to his children. Such fathers are very different, including those who abandoned their children, and those who do not take care of them. Specific men do not fulfill their father’s role in the best way.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​However, a man, having become a father biologically, can also become one psychologically if he begins to fulfill the role of the Father. Then the word «father» takes on a different, higher meaning, and is pronounced with great respect. The father is the head of the family, setting its image, direction and its law.

That is why the patronymic, as an addition to the name, means — whose are you and what are you. Surnames were formed from patronymics and denote the male line of the family, the line not only of the biological, but also of the spiritual kind. If there was a worthy man in the family of the surname, who set a worthy family line, the descendants are proud of their family and proudly wear their surname, like the name of the Father.

Father and mother are roles, and the roles are different. Mom is the source of life. The task and role of the mother of the child is to love, care, support, patronize. The Father is something else, it is the Law. As the father said (if not in jest, but in earnest) — that’s right, this is the law.

University student Tatyana Rozova writes: “I have a very kind and caring father. Sometimes it seems to me that our family has a tougher mother. There are a lot of issues in which dad never interferes and mom closes them. But at the same time, what I remember exactly from childhood is that if it was possible to argue with my mother even with her tough mood, my father’s rare, but completely categorical “No”, everyone bypassed us. If dad said «No» — the issue is no longer discussed.

The father embodies the society within the family, establishes laws and rules, determines the direction of family life and the lifestyle of the household. It can and must evaluate, establish boundaries, implement sanctions and punishments.

The behavior of the father is a model of male behavior, and the father brings up the child in his own way: not as a woman, but as a man.

A father’s love is not like a soft mother’s love, it is hard. Unlike unconditional maternal love, it is demanding. Where a woman will feel sorry for her children, the father will bring them up. Where mother forgives, father will punish. Father is stricter. If love is understood as something soft and warm, then a father’s attitude towards his children can hardly be called love. But if you look at the intentions of the father and the results of his upbringing, this is love. This is a male, paternal model of love.

According to Kathleen M Harris, Paternal involvement in parenting and children’s well-being

• Children whose parents actively contribute to the school learn significantly better than others;
• The stronger the attachment between father and children, the more stable the child’s behavior. He’s better behaved, less offense;
• The more time the child spent with his father, the better education he received in the end.

How to distribute roles, affairs and responsibilities in relation to the child between the father and mother? Each family may decide this differently, but the following usually makes sense.

Until the baby is born, both take care of their health. Alcohol and smoking do not just stop for a while, but go out of life altogether: children see you as a model, please present yourself as a model in the best possible way.

The child is born — up to a year it is a mother’s toy. The child lives with his mother, eats with his mother, and at the same time, the father organizes the household to make it easier for the mother, and does physically difficult things. Bathing a child and baby yoga is more of a dad’s concern. If you harden a child, this is also the father’s business, women are much less inclined to this. Dunking a child in ice water is daddy’s entertainment. But walking with a baby is not a man’s business, unless he wants to be distracted from business and meditate. Dad is a teacher, and there is nothing to bring up a child under a year old: what the child wants is right.

But after a year, dad is already needed. The child begins to test his parents for strength, to establish his own rules, and in this situation, a dad is already needed. The child must understand that there are rules in his world, they are as strong as the walls with which he has already met, there is no need to argue with his parents, you should not cry in vain. As dad and mom said — and rightly so.

The age from one to five years is the time of formation of the character of the child. It can be said in another way: the time when a child can understand who is in charge in the family and what family orders are. If dad misses this time, mom may not be able to cope with the child alone, after which, perhaps, no one will be able to cope with the child. Total: dad, work!

After five years — a new situation: the child is no longer just getting to know the world, he is already beginning to think, and the task of the father is to captivate him with this habit. A smart child is not one who has a good intellect from birth, but who is accustomed to turn on his head in any new and difficult situation, and not just look around, wait for help or call for help. Neither daughter nor son should be crybabies. The mother teaches children to be careful, the father teaches courage and reasonable caution. Further — we raise a man from a son, and this is the work of only a father.

A few stories about dads (taken from here).

• They always talk about moms. And I want to tell you about my dad. My mother left my father and me when I was only 5 years old. Now I am 24, and all this time my father has been raising me. He taught me how to fix faucets, electrical sockets, hammer nails, drive a car, bake pies. But my dad is also my mom! He knows the size of my tights, clothes. Knows what kind of cosmetics I like, advises me what dress or shoes to buy. You can tell him any secret or ask a question on any topic. He will always understand and help. I’m proud of him. And I love.

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• My dad is a classic punk: in winter and summer in a leather jacket, with a colored mohawk on his head, full of tattoos, earrings in his ears, many look at him with indignation and ask what such a stuffed animal could teach his child, that is, me. And I will say that this “repulsed punk” took me to museums and theaters all my childhood, spitting on how they reacted to him there, hired tutors for me and taught me French from the songs of Edith Piaf with me, patiently listened to me learning how to scribble playing the violin, teaching me how to play the guitar along the way, helping me choose the first shoes in my life, taught me the basics of self-defense, and took me to rock concerts and the conservatory. Now I am expecting a baby, and dad is learning to knit to make booties and warm scarves for his granddaughter, and I am 100% sure that my daughter will have the best grandfather in the world.
• I was traveling with my dad on the bus, I was in the front seat, and he was a couple of seats away from me. A boy comes up and asks: “Does your mother need a son-in-law?” needed?» He, without getting up: “Hey, son-in-law, how many times do you pull yourself up?” — «Well, six» — «And the press?» — «Twenty times» — «What will you offer for my daughter?» — the boy, not at a loss, hands him a Snickers. Dad opened the package, took a bite out of a candy bar and stretched out: “It’s accepted, your daughter is now yours, you’re skinny, of course, but I’ll take care of you.” Dad did take care of him: every morning jogging, push-ups, pull-ups, etc., and six months ago I was led down the aisle not by that skinny boy, but by a pumped-up handsome man. Thanks dad.
• I enrolled our daughters in a ballet school, they study, everything works out for them, and then the whims began, like, tired, hard, we don’t want, we won’t, etc. I talked to them, my mother spoke, my husband’s mother spoke, and they stand to death, no, that’s all. She decided to use heavy artillery — she sent her husband to them, half an hour from the nursery quietly, an hour, an hour and a half, then explosions of children’s laughter and her husband’s frightened voice, repeating «No, no way.» It turned out that the daughters set the condition that they would do it if dad was there. He resisted for a long time, but gave up under our friendly pressure, now 3 times a week you can observe the following picture: the girls run from training and repeat all the exercises in the dance room, and with them, in tight leggings and a turtleneck, my hippo puffs — almost a hundred kilograms a man diligently repeating all the ballet pas and pliés. This is Love.
• When I was 18, I found out that my father was not really my own. My own father left my mother pregnant. I was shocked. I cried all night, thinking: “Why did this happen to me? Are we not family? And then I began to remember. I remembered how dad sat up until one in the morning doing crafts with me in the garden when mom was on shift. I remembered how dad helped a friend in the garage, and I suddenly ran in there and red-hot iron fittings flew at me … Dad grabbed it with his bare hand. The burn was terrible. But I am whole. I remembered how for every birthday he gave me a small, but beautiful bouquet. And in the morning I came to the kitchen, when dad was drinking coffee, I saw that very scar on his arm from a burn, hugged me and said that I didn’t have another dad and couldn’t have one. No, this news did not go unnoticed. She let me know how much I love my mom and dad and how much they love me.

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.