This is a very controversial story. But is it really wrong for a woman in such a situation?
The story of Marina and Nikolai began in the same way as hundreds (if not thousands) of couples in love in our country: they met at the institute, met and became friends for about a year, then played a noisy and beautiful wedding. And after that, the story was in many ways similar to the others: they took out a mortgage, bought an apartment, after a couple of years thought about children and rather quickly became happy parents, first Mashenka’s daughter, then Andreika’s son.
The problems and misunderstandings began about seven years after the wedding. Marina suddenly realized that Nikolai was not her man. Earns little, spends a lot of time with friends and does nothing at all around the house. The atmosphere in the house deteriorated, and friends began to notice this. Nikolai did not like to discuss this topic, but if his friends asked, he briefly threw in: “Everything suits me.”
Relatives assured that this was an ordinary crisis of ordinary family life (what about thousands of the same couples?). But the couple once realized: it’s time to get divorced. Their separation upset numerous relatives, but in the general mass it only confirmed the disappointing statistics. Every second family falls apart in Russia. And the most critical “age” of marriage is just the period from 5 to 9 years.
However, if you think that the talk about divorce and the breakup itself is all over, then you are greatly mistaken. It all just started with him, and the story suddenly ceased to be typical. As soon as Nikolai, tired of constant nagging, raised the question of his departure, Marina said: “If you leave the family, take the children.”
– In my opinion, everything is logical. Whoever cannot stand it, breaks up the family union and, so to speak, flies out of the nest, he must take the children. I really love both my son and daughter, but why should I remain in the status of an abandoned wife, and even in the category of a single mother? – Marina was indignant.
Surprised Nikolai unexpectedly learned that such an order was introduced in his wife’s family at least several generations ago. Another great-grandmother, having learned about her husband’s departure to his mistress, put him outside the threshold together with her three children. Then, during the divorce, the aunt insisted that the former betrothed did not forget to take his two sons with him. Marina’s mother wanted to do the same (however, in the end, the father-in-law and mother-in-law still remained together). And finally, Marina herself. Whether the men of the family did the same, history was silent. Either the wives did not leave them, or they simply did not dare to shake off the children with them, but the fact remains.
– I do not understand why it is considered the norm in modern society that children in any case and in any situation (unless the mother is a complete alcoholic) stay with a woman. Let them stay with the parent who insisted on parting. If I left, then I would take the children, – Marina did not calm down.
Her arguments were reinforced concrete: the leaving spouse with children gets a decent part of the property. The husband will receive child support and various social benefits. In general, life is good and happy.
Nikolai could not recover from the shock. Not so much from the act and reasoning of his wife, but from the fact that he had not even guessed about the “abnormal tradition” in her family before.
– Several times I tried to talk to Marina, to explain that children should not participate in our showdown, persuaded, insisted … Everything is useless. I decided to involve my mother-in-law in the discussions. I hoped that at least she, an elderly woman, would take my side, and most importantly, the side of her grandchildren. But the conversation went wrong.
Zinaida Vasilievna, barely realizing what they were talking about, immediately cut off her son-in-law. Moreover, her arguments were also “reinforced concrete” and, probably, in their own way, even correct.
“The women in our family have always been strong and carried everything on themselves: the house, the problems, the children, and the husband … It all started after the war, when my grandmother’s husband returned from the front and began to walk. There were practically no peasants in the village at that time, and many were pleased that a stately retired military man was visiting them. And the grandmother at that time washed, cleaned, worked in the field and … gave birth to children from the grandfather. Yes, yes, there was enough grandpa for both his wife and mistresses. Grandmother even resigned herself to this fate, when suddenly the grandfather announced that he was leaving the family for one of his passions. Imagine the state of a grandmother who, even knowing about the betrayal, still tried to keep the family, endured, forgave. And here it is. So, he has a new life, and she has debts and children? No! Will not work!
According to Zinaida Vasilievna, it was then that the grandmother said the very phrase: “You leave the house – take the children.” The first in the family. Yes, not only said. She put out the door with her grandfather and three young children. She sobbed later, of course … She bit her hands to bruises, realizing that her kids would spend the night somewhere in other people’s walls (and, perhaps, at the same homeless woman), but she firmly stood her ground.
– Grandfather came in three months. Together with all the children. He just went into the house, threw the bag on the floor and said: “I’m back …” Grandmother never asked why he made such a decision: whether he kicked out his mistress or realized that the family was more expensive, but he made a choice. 9 months after a stormy reconciliation, my mother was born, and a few years later my grandfather drowned during a spring fishing trip. So my grandmother raised all the kids alone …
Nikolai was sure that if he had known about the tradition in Marina’s family in advance, he would not have married her.
The squabbles, quarrels and showdowns in this family lasted six months. Nikolai was perplexed: if he does not suit his wife and she herself forces him to divorce, then why treat children so inhumanely? Marina confidently stated that “a normal man will not leave at all, but will take into account all claims and change, because leaving is a betrayal, and therefore the spouse must then leave not alone, but together with his son and daughter.”
Oddly enough, the point (or ellipsis) in this story was put by Nikolai’s unexpected promotion at work and … Marina’s dismissal. Somehow it suddenly suddenly became clear that an unemployed wife not only would not be able to pay compensation and alimony, but she herself was unlikely to live on unemployment benefits.
– And then she was the first to offer to make peace and stop sharing children, – Nikolai smiles. – I immediately agreed. Someone will say that in this situation he acted not like a man, but like a mattress and again went on about his wife. But who cares what prevented us from divorce – old feelings or a stupid family tradition. The main thing is that we are together again, we live in the same apartment and raise our children together.
From the editorial board
When this article was already ready for publication, it became known that Anna, Marina’s sister (teacher at the university), also announced a divorce and was going to leave her husband for her student, a young 21-year-old boy. Anna’s spouse accepted her decision, but immediately set a condition: “If you leave the family, take the children!” According to rumors, the unfaithful wife was shocked by such, according to her, impudence and for a long time tried to argue, referring to the fact that this tradition belongs exclusively to her family and cannot be used by others. But the ex-husband was adamant. Currently, the case of who the children will stay with is being considered by the court, the spouses cannot come to a consensus and continue to live together. Who knows, maybe a strange family tradition will preserve this family too?