Contents
When a difficult period comes in our life, when we are tired and doubt ourselves, it may seem that the easiest way out is to give up on everything. But each of us has the opportunity not to succumb to pessimism and look at life more calmly.
The farther, the harder life is, people only do what they kill each other, the planet can no longer be saved … The world often gives us reasons for such gloomy generalizations. And those who try to look at life differently are in a hurry to be written down as hopeless romantics and idealists. The fact is that many of us consider pessimism to be synonymous with realism, believing that a truly intelligent and insightful person perceives life with a fair amount of distrust, and even flaunts his cynicism.
It’s all Descartes’ fault
Where does this universal doubt come from, to which we easily and willingly subject life, people and ourselves? This is the legacy of the Cartesian type of thinking that underlies modern scientific knowledge. Descartes argued that a person who investigates the truth needs to doubt all things at least once in his life *. Consistently critical attitude towards everything that we encounter, having been learned from childhood, makes us doubt even the good things that undoubtedly exist in life: is it really good or just seems so? Can I believe what I see, or is there something wrong here? Today everything is in order, but my knowledge is limited, there are also threats unknown to me, so you must always be prepared for the worst …
Another heavy legacy that we have inherited is the revolutionary slogans: first “we will destroy the whole world of violence to the ground, and then …”. In other words, in the present, everything is arranged incorrectly, we must reject it in the bud, without saving anything, and build a new world. Moreover, this beautiful new world always turns out to be in the distant future, and the grounds for optimism are also infinitely pushed back in time. Finally, classical psychoanalysis, which came to Russia at the beginning of the XNUMXth century and then returned at its end, also does not contribute to optimism. He argues that we are not led by bright ideals and good aspirations, but by dark impulses of the unconscious, which are stronger than any virtues and which determine our imperfect human nature. In the end, disappointment and pessimism begin to seem like constant companions of the mind. Therefore, it is not surprising that thinkers so easily succumb to gloominess and drag us along with them.
Ruslan Nadyuk, pastor
If we don’t see a way out, it doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Sometimes he is where we do not expect to find him, where others have not yet gone. It is necessary to believe in the changes necessary for life, and not just dream about them. The difference between dreaming and believing is that dreaming is passive while believing is active. Faith prompts us not only to dream and wait, but, firstly, to dream meaningfully, and secondly, to do what we can to make our dreams come true. Therefore, no matter what happens in life, instead of the unanswered question “For what?” It is worth asking yourself: “Why is this happening to me?” The search for meaning and purpose gives hope and directs us to a better future.”
Shmuel Kuperman, rabbi
Do everything to the maximum, do as you would have done on the last day of your life. Try not to build grandiose plans – it’s always scary. Avoid unnecessary calculations, do not keep in mind how much you have to spend in the future, for example, on children. This will drive you into despair for which there is no reason. If everything is fine with you today – your children are dressed, fed and healthy – tomorrow should be like today or better. Good thoughts attract good. I have eight children. They ask me: how do I provide them? I don’t have millions, but every day I know to get up and go. And tomorrow too.”
Keep track of your settings
To start the reverse process, it is useful for us to exercise vigilance, identifying our negative attitudes. Philosopher Michel Foucault observed that we tend to easily agree with the dominant views of our culture, perceiving them as the truth about who we are and what we should be. In order to free ourselves from these attitudes and regain our freedom of choice, we must re-tell ourselves our lives. “In any personal and family history, in a variety of circumstances, we can find grounds for hope,” explains narrative therapist Ekaterina Zhornyak. “By noticing the good things in our past, we find footholds that allow us to believe in the future.” Consciously choosing a positive outlook does not mean looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. This is just a way to protect yourself from contagious moods that are in the air, and, as a result, improve relationships with others.
be with yourself
If, nevertheless, we are infected with sadness or simply feel that our strength is running out, there is no energy to respond to what is happening, the best thing is to listen to ourselves. “If we have contact with ourselves in order to perceive and distinguish our true feelings – fatigue, sadness, unwillingness to do anything or grief – then we can just give ourselves time to be with ourselves,” says psychotherapist Marina Khazanova. “It is important not to run away from difficult feelings, but to understand that we have the right to them: they have the right to be, and we, in turn, have the right to interact with them.” What keeps us from hopelessness is what we love in life, the meaning that we find in it, Marina Khazanova continues: “Even if it’s really bad, it’s important to remember that this will pass, what will happen tomorrow and maybe strength will appear.” And it will be interesting to live again.
Father Dmitry (Khaikin), Orthodox priest
Constant fear is one of the problems with which people come to the temple. Some consider such fears as punishment or retribution for sins. From experience I can say that most often fears accompany those who suffer from a lack of self-love: they have a deep inner feeling of insecurity, especially in relation to relatives and friends. You can be freed from fear only by opening your heart to love, love for God and love for yourself, as to the image and likeness of God.
Shamil Alyautdinov, imam
Loss is not the end of life – life goes on. Losing one, we find another. To maintain optimism, you need to read a lot of good literature, communicate with cheerful people. The more complex the problems, the more you can achieve in life: the main thing is not to despair and do everything that depends on us. As a living example, I will cite the recently famous armless 23-year-old musician Liu Wei from China, who plays the piano … with his toes!
Sonam Dorje, llama
The main reason for pessimism is dissatisfaction with what is. But you can push the boundaries of experience: new things and experiences captivate us and make life more enjoyable. However, one must be prepared for the fact that this gives only a temporary respite. We need to find joy-filled peace of mind on a deeper level. That’s what meditation is for. For those who do not quite understand what it is, it is worth developing the ability to be content with everything that is and appreciate everything that happens. Try to see the world and people more bright and pure. This is not a meaningless exercise: this is how we learn to see the world as it is, because from a spiritual point of view, our perception is sacred.
Feel the power of empathy
Our identity, and the general feeling that we exist, arises in relationships with other people. The more sincere and harmonious our relationship, the better we feel physically and psychologically. For relationships to be just like that, you need to take care of them. For example, try to make them mutual: we feel better when we give about the same amount as we receive, and vice versa. This applies to time, compliments, attention, gifts. In this way, we can achieve a balance that will keep us from being dependent or dominated. It is even more important to accept the other person as fundamentally different from us. Many open conflicts or cases of hidden manipulation are generated by our desire to change the other, to bring him closer to our image, so that it is easy with him. The creator of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers, believed that in addition to acceptance, empathic (sympathetic) understanding of the experiences of another person and congruence (deep sincerity) are also important when we perceive our feelings, understand our feelings and can express them without destroying ourselves and others. . The latter means that we do not give ambiguous signals that cause tension. For example, we offer help only when we really want to help, and don’t say “I’m not angry with you” when we actually feel angry.
Learn positive language
Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, developing the ideas of Rogers, calls for the use of “positive action language”: “I tell the other what I would like him to do, and not about what I do NOT want him to do.” The basic principles of non-violent communication are nonjudgmental observation, recognition of one’s feelings, identification of the needs behind them and the expression of specific requests**. By following these rules, we will learn to feel better and better understand what the other is experiencing: “What is he feeling? What do you dare not say? What in my words hurts or confuses him? What can I do to make us feel comfortable?” Non-violence in communication means that we no longer hurt others with our words, we don’t get upset over trifles, we break personal boundaries less, we don’t blame, we don’t suspect and we don’t teach how to live. Utopian? Maybe not, if we can free ourselves from the fear that drives us to build relationships from a position of strength and feel empathy. At least sometimes.
* R. Descartes “The search for truth.” ABC classic, 2000.
** M. Rosenberg. “Language of Life: Nonviolent Communication”. Sofia, 2009.