Vladimir Zinchenko: “Kindness exists for its own sake”

Psychologies: Let’s start with the hardest part – what is kindness?

Vladimir Zinchenko: It is not only difficult – almost impossible: to define in words one of the most basic phenomena of human life. But it would be very correct to look at kindness from the point of view of words, language. You know, once I was asked to give a talk on the psychology of trust. As a man of science, I decided to first take a look at how dictionaries interpret “trust”. And I found that there is no such word in Soviet dictionaries. At the same time, I found out that “mercy” also disappeared somewhere. And if “spirituality” was present somewhere, then rather in a negative sense. And something similar happened with kindness. How often do you hear such words as “goodwill”, “kindness” today? Or, for example, “philokalia” – I won’t be surprised if many have never heard such a word at all. The connection here is the most direct – the word disappears from the language when the concept disappears from life. So if you look at our life, in the last almost a century, you will have to be surprised not that there is little kindness, but that it still persists. And that kind people are found, and, fortunately, not so rare.

Not only individual people – charity is now in vogue, the Orthodox Church is actively operating in the world, those who want to help the poor, the lonely, the sick are united. Is the situation changing for the better?

There is fashion, of course. And ostentatious kindness is now full, but it is unlikely that society becomes kinder from this. Because many of these actions are again done for the sake of something – be it reputation, fame, or even tax evasion. Unfortunately, in our country, in general, everything exists not by itself, but for the sake of something – I repeat the very old thought of the philosopher Gustav Shpet. And when everything is done for the sake of something, disinterestedness goes away. (Another very rare, disappearing word!) So, the main thing in kindness is that it is not for the sake of something, it is for its own sake. And with the church, unfortunately, a similar situation. For a long time it was part of the triad “autocracy – Orthodoxy – nationality”, and not in the first place, but after the state. And the same thing is happening today. But it’s so simple: art for the sake of art, mercy for the sake of mercy, kindness for the sake of kindness itself.

But apart from society, where does kindness come from in us?

There are categories of phenomena that philosophers call baseless (“without a basis”): we do not know where they came from. One of them is conscience. The same goes for kindness. Kindness, compassion, love, humanity – this is what was given to us from the very beginning, as representatives of the human race. Where, why, I don’t know. But society and upbringing largely determine how much we can dispose of this given. Just as you can bury your talent in the ground, you can also bury the highest feelings, just do not give them a go.

Suppose we want to show these feelings, we want to be kind, responsive. Why is it so hard sometimes? Just because it’s unusual to do so, isn’t it customary?

Because we tend to look at ourselves through other people’s eyes. Still, selfhood, “self-standing” is very difficult, you have to grow up to it. Then someone’s opinions become indifferent and we can express ourselves directly – and this is what we, after all, value most in a person.

Do you think it is possible to learn (or become accustomed to) being kind simply by consciously doing good deeds – a day, a month, a year?

It is quite possible to do such an exercise. The question is what will come of it. It seems to me that such a habit, at best, will make us well-behaved people. And kindness is a direct feeling, unlearned.

But right habits make life better, don’t they?

Of course! We suffer precisely from the absence of such habits! When young people push the old people aside on the bus, get annoyed with them in the store or in the pharmacy, and rudeness reigns on the roads – this is not about kindness, but about the lack of education. Mom didn’t teach. Kindness has nothing to do with it. At the household level, we do not need kindness, but elementary politeness, good breeding.

But if I give up my seat to a woman on the subway, I’m doing a good deed, right?

No! It’s not an act at all! If it is not about habit, not about education, but about kindness, then this is an impulse. Such things cannot be considered an act, they simply should not. Because if this is an act, a meaningful action, then it means that I must realize its necessity, perform it, and then also evaluate it, that is, praise myself: “That’s how kind I am!” And this is anything, but not kindness … You see, we are again returning to the originality, the immediacy of kindness. She cannot be for something and cannot wait for praise. It just happens – as the impossibility of not doing something, as a natural need that lives in us. Must live.