A tyrant child is a child who wants to take power over his family and those around him. Anger, violence, manipulation… The daily life of the parents of a tyrant child can quickly become unbearable. Why does a child engage in this kind of behavior? How to react to him? When to worry Advice from Anne-Claire Kleindienst, clinical psychologist.

For psychologist Anne-Claire Kleindienst, the word “tyrant” is not appropriate when it comes to a child. “I am quite uncomfortable because by the very negative aspect of this name, we risk getting stuck in a judgment, frozen in a situation that would not budge, and which would condemn the child to remain in his label and the parents to stay. locked in this bad relational dynamic ”, explains the specialist. Fortunately, it is possible to change a child tyrant, but you still have to know what you are talking about.

The tyrant child is characterized by his will to position himself in a dominant way towards his parents and more broadly towards his family. Concretely, he does not ask, he demands, he does not express himself, he demands and does not accept that one refuses him anything because he cannot stand the frustration. “If one of the family members does not give in to his requests, he can throw terrible crises in order to get what he wants”, warns Anne-Claire Kleindienst. During his crises, the tyrant child is physically and verbally violent. “He has difficulty retaining the movements that animate him and can injure those around him and damage the equipment”, adds the psychologist.

If in front of him there is no firmness and solid countenance, the child will go further in his tyranny, as if to test the limits of his parents. These children know very quickly how to measure the impact they have on others.

“No child is born a tyrant and none decides to become one”, insists the specialist. So how do you come to such behavior? Tyrant children are by nature individuals who feel the need to control and own everything. They believe that they exist, in the eyes of their family, only through power and domination. “In general, these are children who are both very intelligent, who can put their intelligence at the service of their domination, and at the same time very sensitive and anxious and who seek to protect their hypersensitivity and anxiety by a position of superiority and control. ‘rebellion’, details Anne-Claire Kleindienst.

For the psychologist, the first thing to do is to be firm. “Firmness is necessary to limit, contain and secure”. This firmness should always be applied with kindness. A benevolence that goes through the understanding of the frustrations and feelings of the child. “It is not a question of giving in to his requests but of recognizing what he feels, what is happening in him”. The goal is to gradually show how to adopt a more easy-going behavior for him and those around him. Easy to say but not so easy to apply, admits the psychologist. “Even if all the outbursts of the child are projected on them, the stake as parents is not to take it personally”, advises the specialist. This makes it possible not to fall into the trap of negotiation and into the power struggle with it. Two pitfalls that can harm parent / child relationships.

Faced with his requests, his whims and his refusal to obey, it is necessary to make him understand that his behavior is unreasonable and that it could harm him in the long term. “I can take a no to my child who asks me for yet another purchase, if I am linked, for example, to my conviction that he does not lack anything and that he has even more than enough already. I can refuse to give him something to eat again if I know he is not hypoglycemic and there is a balanced meal ahead. I can make him stop a video game despite the crisis that it can generate, if I am convinced that he needs my intervention because he will not be able to stop on his own because the addictive process is too strong ”, explains Anne-Claire Kleindienst. It is also important not to get into his game. In times of crisis, do not be as serious as him. Relax the atmosphere with support, fun or humor. “I can go get some encouragement tools to show him that I believe he can get through this moment. I can find some tricks to distract him from his fixation and help him let go. I can use humor to put a little play on his over-play and show him that he doesn’t have to go in such a demonstration ”.

If, despite your best efforts, nothing changes, do not hesitate to get help from another person. “If a parent finds himself raising his child alone, especially when it is the mother, it is important to rely on another figure of authority, who can pass certain messages, take over, reframe differently, etc … Whether it is a great fatherE, an uncle or a good friend, the idea is to bring to the child a support and an additional and complementary capacity ”, recommends the psychologist.

Finally, the help of a psychologist can be considered in the face of several warning signs:

• if the parent feels that he is not being respected as a parent but also as a person.
• if people complain about the child’s behavior at school or in other public places of life.