Twins: should we dress them the same or differentiate them?

Twins: a fusional relationship

Twins inevitably have a special relationship because, at birth, they have already spent nine months next to each other and will then go through the different stages of development at the same time (learning to walk, potty training, reading…). Until the age of 2, we speak of ” twin fusion “. A stage of twinning favored by the practical aspect – it is easier to feed them, change them and put them to bed simultaneously – but also necessary for their good psychoaffective and psychomotor development. Parents must therefore respect this phase of fusion and not try to individualize them too early.

The complementarity stage

From 2-3 years old, children walk, start talking, they invade more space and their parents are thus led to differentiate them. Without thinking about it, they will attribute specific characteristics to them. One is shy, the other more outgoing, one has a gentle character, the other a stronger character… And together, they are an individual in their own right. This is the stage of complementarity.

Clothing, toys: discerning individual preferences and skills

Above all, we must avoid falling into the trap of twin fascination. Clothing is only one of the parameters to be taken into account. Offering them the same toys, for example, is also missing the opportunity to teach them the concepts of sharing and exchange. The same goes for the choice of clothes: why not offer them different colors rather than systematically dressing them the same? It is best to take the time to observe them, in order to discern each person’s preferences and to identify their specific fields of competence. By accepting and respecting these differences, you will help them to develop their own personality, to position themselves in relation to each other and to individualize themselves so that they can later make room for someone other than their twin. .

The dominant / dominated relationship at the heart of twinning

Around the age of 4-5 years, the twins show a kind of exacerbated violence to compete with each other. No fear though: they never get hurt and this is a one-off step. The dominant / dominated relationship that exists between them is constantly changing. It only becomes problematic when the relationship freezes and they lock themselves into it, especially because their parents attribute all the positive qualities to one of the two. So this one becomes the blooming child and the other the ugly duckling. A shift that can lead to serious psychological consequences. It is necessary to promote reciprocal emulsion between them and not competition.

Separating Twins at School: Yes or No? And when ?

It is good intention to separate the twins at school, in two different classes. However, carried out too early and imposed, this separation can on the contrary strengthen their psychic bond because they will lack something: the presence of the other. It is therefore better to wait until the end of CP, which is often anxious and where this presence reassures them, to start talking about it. Ask them what they think about it, use their elementary schooling to prepare them for this change, and everything will be fine when they have to each go to their class and make their own friends.