Children unconsciously repeat the family scripts of their parents and pass on their traumas from generation to generation — this is one of the main ideas of the film «Loveless» by Andrei Zvyagintsev, which received the jury prize at the Cannes Film Festival. It is clear and lies on the surface. Psychoanalyst Andrey Rossokhin offers a non-trivial view of this picture.
Young spouses Zhenya and Boris, parents of 12-year-old Alyosha, are getting divorced and intend to radically change their lives: create new families and start living from scratch. They do what they set out to do, but in the end they build relationships like the one they were running from.
The heroes of the picture are not able to truly love either themselves, or each other, or their child. And the result of this dislike is tragic. Such is the story told in Andrey Zvyagintsev’s film Loveless.
It is real, convincing and quite recognizable. However, in addition to this conscious plan, the film has an unconscious plan, which causes a really strong emotional response. At this unconscious level, for me, the main content is not external events, but the experiences of a 12-year-old teenager. Everything that happens in the film is the fruit of his imagination, his feelings.
The main word in the picture is search.
But with what kind of search can the experiences of a child of early transitional age be connected?
A teenager is looking for his «I», seeks to separate from his parents, to distance himself internally
He is looking for his «I», seeks to separate from his parents. Distancing yourself internally, and sometimes literally, physically. It is no coincidence that it is at this age that children especially often run away from home, in the film they are called “runners”.
In order to separate from father and mother, a teenager must de-idealize them, devalue them. Allow yourself not only to love your parents, but also not to love them.
And for this, he needs to feel that they do not love him either, they are ready to refuse him, to throw him out. Even if everything is fine in the family, parents sleep together and love each other, a teenager can live their closeness as an alienation, a rejection of him. It makes him scared and terribly lonely. But this loneliness is inevitable in the process of separation.
During adolescence crisis, the child experiences tearingly conflicting feelings: he wants to remain small, bathe in parental love, but for this he must be obedient, not snap, meet the expectations of his parents.
And on the other hand, there is a growing need in him to destroy his parents, to say: “I hate you” or “They hate me”, “They don’t need me, but I don’t need them either.”
Direct your aggression on them, let dislike into your heart. This is a colossally difficult, traumatic moment, but this liberation from parental dictate, guardianship is the meaning of the transition process.
That tormented body that we see on the screen is a symbol of the soul of a teenager, which is tormented by this internal conflict. Part of him strives to stay in love, while the other clings to dislike.
The search for oneself, one’s ideal world is often destructive, it can end in suicide and self-punishment. Remember how Jerome Salinger said in his famous book — «I am standing on the very edge of a cliff, over an abyss … And my job is to catch the kids so that they do not fall into the abyss.»
In fact, every teenager stands above the abyss.
Growing up is an abyss that you need to dive into. And if dislike helps to make the jump, then you can emerge from this abyss and live on only relying on love.
There is no love without hate. Relationships are always ambivalent, every family has both. If people decide to live together, affection inevitably arises between them, intimacy — those threads that allow them to stick together at least for a short time.
Another thing is that love (when there is very little of it) can go so far «behind the scenes» of this life that a teenager will no longer feel it, will not be able to rely on it, and the result can be tragic.
It happens that parents suppress dislike with all their might, hide it. “We are all so similar, we are part of one whole and we love each other.” It is impossible to escape from a family in which aggression, irritation, differences are completely denied. How impossible it is for the hand to separate from the body and live an independent life.
Such a teenager will never gain independence and will never fall in love with anyone else, because he will always belong to his parents, will remain part of an absorbing family love.
It is important that the child sees dislike too — in the form of quarrels, conflicts, disagreements. When he feels that the family can withstand it, cope with it, continue to exist, he gains hope that he himself has the right to show aggression in order to defend his opinion, his «I».
It is important that this interaction of love and dislike take place in every family. So that none of the feelings are hidden behind the scenes. But for this, partners need to do some important work on themselves, on their relationships.
Rethink your actions and experiences. This, in fact, calls for the picture of Andrei Zvyagintsev.